yes, even at my advanced age, we can still progress, believe it or not.in my exercise class, the saying is 'age is no excuse'. as i wrote before, my father had swollen legs and was washing the floor cane in one hand and mop in the other.when he was a boy of 17, he saw nazis shooting people in the head and saw brains flying past him on the march from the ghetto to the train.yet he endured.he lost his whole family, yet he endured.he had numerous other problems, including screaming in the middle of his sleep for 60 years after the war ended, but he went on.in the hospital they told him to make a living will - he told them where to go and said i'm not ready for that yet. cant we learn a lesson from my father's fortitude? i'm sorry to bring such a morbid example, but if we can learn from it, let's learn from it. jack

one more thing for today - if i was really THAT strong - i would have been able to do it myself, right? how come for all those years i couldn't grab the bull by the horns and do it myself? i know that mevakesh decided on his own to make the break - now that's strength!

It is the power of the group that binds us together.  Someone who will listen to us and for the first time in our lives not criticize us, but understand where we are coming from, our intense pain and low self esteem.
When we are able to let go of our shame we begin to heal, other's stories show us we are not alone. That in times of despair we have a family to fall back on and ask for guidance.  And we have a G-d who runs the world, so we don't have to, no matter how hard we try.

bing!bing!bing! elya hit the proverbial nail on its proverbial head! how can one move on when one is being criticized??? if only certain rebbes and parents know what terrible effects they have on kids when they beat them down verbally because they're not on par with other kids.how do you expect him to progress? you think you'll make him better by berating him/her? you remember debbiesteinerwins? how she was stifled? so what you're not kollel material - read the aruch hashulchan in hilchos talmud torah - not everyone is cut out for that.are you trying to it a square peg into a round hole? well, that square peg has pain when someone tries to squeeze it into a round hole!
one can only begin to forget the past when he/she is accepted, like they do on this forum. why do you think i took off so fast? because i finally, for the 1st time in 49 years, found someone who wasn't critical of me.isn't that sad?????
al elah ani bochiya - in 49 years i didn't have someone who accepted me?
when you find REAL friends who accept you, DONT LET THEM GO!!!!
jack

isn't that oxymoronical?? the only way we can get past our faults is to accept them?? yes,yes,yes.isn't one of the 12 steps to ADMIT we are powerless?ADMIT it! admit it and move on!and others will accept you, too.
what would have happened if adam harishon instead of blaming it on his wife (dont we all do that?) would have accepted guilt? maybe Hashem would have been happier with that and forgiven him right away instead of making us work for a living.maybe that's one of the lessons the torah wants to teach us there.
jack

Mazel Tov! You are an inspiration to me.

Jack, I bought today a bottle of whiskey and two types of cakes in my shul. Everybody made a lechayim in your honor. I just told them it was a simch shel mitzva!!

Jack, when we end one journey in life, we begin the next. Your next goal is Level 8 - Half a Year!

Ahron, who also hit 90 days not long ago, recently wrote me that he is struggling to build himself up. He writes "my biggest challenge continues to be "filling the void", whether it's boredom at work or motivating myself to engage in meaningful and fulfilling activities, be they learning and ruchniyus related or otherwise, during non-work hours."

I want to share with you what I answered him, since it applies to you now too.

The "building yourself up" that you are working on now is fundamentally different in nature from the other challenge that you have been doing so well at. Although it wasn't easy for you to give up the addiction, you were able to take the steps necessary and do it. However "building up ones self" is not the same. It is not something you can "accomplish" in 90 days, by stopping one behavior or another. This is a LIFE-TIME job, and that is what we are here for. And lucky for that, or you'd be done and ready to go "home" :-) So relish this new challenge. For that is what gives our life meaning. The progress you have made in conquering the addiction now frees you to deal with the REAL work. Until now you couldn't even think of building yourself up properly. So as long as you keep seeking, you will find. Never stop seeking Hashem. Never be afraid to take on new challenges, new Mitzvos, new sedarim. To set new goals, to be kinder to those around you, and to live each day as if it was your last. (I am laughing at how easy it is for me to tell this to someone else).

to jack! id love to know how you are doing, after reading through you whole past all i can say is wow! its guys like you who will bring moshiach

JACK I WANT YOU TO KNOW I LISTEN TO JACKS NIGGUN ALMOST EVERYDAY SOMETIMES MANY TIMES A DAY!!!!

http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Music/mus/JackSimcha.mp3

Jack doesn't have access to the forum, but I sent him your post and here is his reply:

please tell him the following: i am clean for more than a year with 2 only slips (because of tremendous anxiety and depression). the slips were approximately 6 1/2 months apart. When I fell, I did not repeat the activity. I didn't let it take me down.

Compared to my past, wouldn't you say this is an improvement? and this is only my first year!
Maybe for my second year i can go even longer!

But what's important, really important, is that initial 90 day period. that is what helps me stay clean for such a long period of time. It HAS to be 90 day straight, with not even one slip, for it to accomplish anything. i am ready to go vayter, and pushing for more success! twice in 6 months i would not call "a return to addictive behavior".

my thinking, however, is a different story. Duvid chaim talks about the QUALITY of sobriety as opposed to QUANTITY. For him, quantity doesn't mean as much as how we are dealing with sobriety. I guess he would agree with rabbi twerski's definition of a 'dry drunk'.

my holy brother! keep up your good work! its guys like you which help us all believe that we can do it too!

Jack asked me to post this:

Some insights after one year in 'the struggle':

1) we have to learn to live with the anxiety of withdrawal.this anxiety is our energy given to us by the Creator. dont forget, it says 'shichvas zera koach haguf' - we just have to learn how to channel it properly - not an easy task for an addict, but do-able.

2) when i lived in an apartment building, they wanted to convert to a co-op.they gave the landlord a certain amount of time to gather votes from the tenants.if he got 15 percent of the tenants to vote in favor of conversion, the plan would go through.guess how much time the landlord had? that's right - 90 DAYS!

3) always, always, always, an addict needs the group.what do you think kol yisrael areivim zeh lazeh means? it's group support!! that's right, no-one can do anything productive by him/herself. now, doing something DEstructive, well, that's easy, i did it for 38 years, or more, that is before i was able to motze zera i was also looking at and reading this shmutzy stuff.but something positive needs outside help.

hello all my wonderful family,
here are some thoughts after almost 2 years clean:
i am not perfect, after all i had a 38 year addiction.however, the good news is i am no longer pulled like i used to be.i'm out of that viscous cycle of going to those bad places, feeling guilty, disguising myself, going again, etc.i'm out of that.the need to act out is fading into the background.with more time, it fades more.wishing you all success, jack.

Hey Jack the tzaddik!

You are my hero.

Thanks for joining in on us. 

I want to thank you again for your email to me.  You mamash saved me from future hell.

Keep on trucking, man.

All the best,
DC

i saved you from future hell without even talking to each other? wow! can you imagine what chizuk we (yes we) would have got from talking? because i need chizuk from you, too.and you just gave me a big shot of chizuk, right in the veins!