I have had an interesting few months recently where I have been doing 20-30 day stretches until oh woops! and I fall. Occasionally this has really gotten me down, other times I have jumped back up. Dov recently wrote about people who, like me, just do the 20-30 day run before collapsing for breath. He explained that we aren't taking it seriously enough.
I havent been talking to my mentor much, which is something that I'm upset about. I'm quite embarrassed to have to tell him that I have somewhat forsaken the boundaries we set up, however I've just spoken to him, and Be"H things are looking brighter for the future.

I have realised a far deeper and more poignant problem which may be a cause or a result of this taaveh. I have noticed that I'm quite a lazy person, in a way that people would never know, people would say quite the opposite of me; however I am lazy in the sense that I look for quick fixes. I wish more than anything to be able to learn and know the whole of shas, but will give up easily when it gets to a slightly challenging sugya. I have found that this problem is embedded in many areas in my life. I feel this is really the deeper emotion behind my issue with shmiras habris. I look for the easy way out and so when it does come to a time where I get stuck and need to work hard and concentrate in order to retain and build my relationship with Hashem I will instead fall and try to start again. If I could ensure to try and learn more about this problem, I might be able to realise how much this blocking my progress, and will maybe help to ensure I do the opposite and remain strong.
My plan atm will be B"N to write down every time I realise that this problem is kicking in and thereby try to stop it the next time it comes round. If anyone could please tell me some tips that I could benefit from that would be much appreciated.
Thanks for everything.

I know how you feel about wanting a quick fix to everything,i have the same issue.For me personally i don't think that this was/is the reason i m****** though.(maybe it was, who knows).

The problem is that in order to fix this there's no quick fix....

I can't really think of anything besides realizing that pretty much anything that's worth having or doing takes a long time to make and work on.

Physical and spiritual.

Plus we have to realize during the time of the actual struggle that while it's hard to make and maintain it's really easy to destroy.

some examples:
a good physique (months of good diet and exercise gets destroyed in a few weeks of bad secisions)

a building (months of work gets destroyed in days)

learning (months of good habits can get destroyed in one bein hazmanim)

a relationship (years of friendship destroyed by a thoughtless action)

and of course, being clean that takes a few clicks to destroy.

Like i said pretty much everything worth having.

Quick fixes are useless and inefficient in most things in life, while they may work temporarily at the end of the day it just makes things harder since most of the time they don't solve the actual problem.

We can either fix the leak or plug it up with gum until the gum* falls off and then we do it again.We can either get happy by learning to live life or get high* and drunk* until it's over and then we do it again.

Most importantly, There are two ways to ways to feel like we're getting closer to Hashem. Either we can keep building our relationship and actually get closer, or we can just get to where we are comfortable and then destroy it and start over. this way we're building again! and getting closer than before! But of course we're not... We're just going over the same ground and getting absolutely nowhere.

Of course this is all easier said than done but i can't think of another way to deal with it besides actually realizing it needs to be done and then doing it.

There are plenty of tools to try out though, so why don't you post what you're doing so far and then the oilam can try to help you tweak it to make it work.


Hatzlacha in all things good.



*this is theoretical i haven't done it

From bochur to bochur
I know how you feel, I feel your pain, I have felt this way for years. I congratulate you for finding this out by your self. I needed the help of others.
I can only share my experience: For me the main reason of falling - is because i feel that pressure "to finish shass" "to be the biggest masmid" "to be a talmid chacham" - TODAY!! Now!! So not being able to fulfill those expectation will create lots of "i failed" messages. Then I escape to a much sweeter place, a alternate reality. Not only by ma*****tion but also by fantasizing alternate realities.
Recognizing the problem is a huge step towards recovery.

Further steps could involve: Realizing that you are NOT lazy!! Who knows Shass?? Is that realistic?? Hey, Your working on it!! And/Or realizing: Yes! I am lazy, so what!? Thats how Hashem build me - BUT Im working on it - and that all that matters. After 120, Hashem wont ask us do you know shass - Hashem will ask us "did you give it all you got?"
Don't think back - its no use, think what can I do NOW.. and as inna said, its no quick fix - its a new way of living. Its work - but you will love it(=yourself)

bochur613 wrote:


Wait I'm confused, are you talking about yourself or did you find my diary?

I absolutely identify with what you're saying and think most of us do. I've been writing recently on my thread about how I feel that my porn problem and my procrastination problem are linked. So yeah I understand. I can't offer any advice though, as I haven't worked out how to solve it yet myself.

The one thing I'll say is that I strongly feel that being a perfectionist is ruinous to making progress; in learning shas, work, or defeating the yetzer horah. Would I be right in guessing that you are a perfectionist? Don't let the eternal quest for perfection stop you from being happy with doing something adequately. It's better to get something done OK than not at all. Doing OK is OK. And remember -- it's about progress not perfection.

I have found Dr Sorotzkins stuff to be very helpful in understanding and overcoming perfectionism. and BTW procrastination, laziness, and perfectionism are all related. 1st cousins once removed I think .

www.drsorotzkin.com/articles.html#Perfectionism1