Tcholent for the Soul


(Nuu! Eat it while its hot!)


By:
Inastruggle
Chachaman
Some_guy
Zvi
Hopefull
joeshmo
Avrom



Credits:
Our dear father in heaven
and GYE - thank you so much!!

(This group started here )

Hello my friends,
Starting the new zman feels very different this time - but it doesn't feel good.
The past bein-hazmanim was the best in my entire life, thanks to GYE. Though, for some reason I feel down. Also - after such a success, my davening, learning and avodas-hashem should have been tenfold - so i thought. I somehow feel disconnected. Even more then usual. Maybe its the fall I had last week. I don't have the excitement and the kedusha-feeling that i always felt when i started the new zman - like i'm clogged up...

Then I realized, that in all previous years, a new zman - was like starting a new life! After having a devastating bein hazmanim - I decided "Never ever again" The new zman would be a new chapter in life - how great! But it didn't take a few weeks until my old habits caught up.. That cycle became routine.
This changed, because I started the new zman as the SAME person that went home for pesach. I look bach at bein hazmanim - all the battles all the hardships the slips and even the fall - ME! I'm no more hiding under a new identity. I'm not a new person - i can look back and see what mistakes I did and feel responsible. So this zman is a continuation of of last zman. I never have lived so long yet!!
Now it makes scene that i don't feel the kedusha, since i haven't gone thru that fake rebirth again. After all is wasn't real.

So why am I feeling so disconnected to Hashem?? Hashem send me the answer in advance:
Dov wrote:

Thanks dov! I still have to digest and internalize this. Have a great shabbes!!

about my week, you all know about how my week until thursday went (BEST BEIN HAZMANIM EVER, thanks again everyone)but when i came back to yeshiva i got my usual 'beginning of the zman feeling'.It isn't a good one.At the beginning of the zman i usually have a hard-ish time getting re-used to the schedule and some other parts of yeshiva so i do expect this feeling to pass in time.
I think the feeling comes from seeing everyone else jump right in again while i start off a bit slower and build momentum.This zman is also harder because a few of my friends left yeshiva so i'm getting used to it being quieter etc.
B"H on the lust issue things are doing well, the urge came a little today but i ignored it and it went away.

to avrom: i don't really know why you're feeling that way but b'ezras hashem you'll figure it out and change it

have a good week everyone

P.S. with the groups agreement, maybe we can start a group 90 chart?

[It was very helpful for me to read this post on 11/27/2013, but I don't want to leave the details out there forever.]

Avrom--That was a very perceptive comment. Relating that to my post below, I think that's why my efforts to stop kind of depressed me for a while:

I always thought that I had a chance with my crush or with other people; I think the habit helped me maintain that connection. Once I realized, though, that no person is shayich at this point in life, it kind of became more difficult.

However, I do think the struggle is easier now than what it was like a year ago or so: trust me, the clean days add up over time. Baruch hashem, I don't think I have as many fantasies nowadays as I used to, like the Gemara Sotah 7a says:

"Rava said, we have a tradition that the yetzer hara only has power over what a person sees."

Hi Chachaman, wow, you are in quite a tough situation.

You say that you have been here for a year, what have you learned?

Do you have anyone in your life who you respect and you can talk to?

Chachaman - Thank you so much for sharing. Having so many reasons to give in to the yetzer hora - and seeing you putting up a fight, gives me a lot of chizzuk. Especially as you are part of the group I feel very connected! Sorry to hear about your fall.
About the 90 day chart. Don't worry about messing up the 90 day chart for others - we are here to fight this together and only with the help of others we will iy'h succeed!!

Avrom

Great week BH! I was so busy, settling back in to yeshiva life, that there was just no time for the yetzer hora in my life!! (Pidaini -chat: he's been with you for so long and you just throw him away? ) Today I was tempted to relax and watch a tv-episode. ( :"Its just TV") I then remembered, that in time of struggle, the gates of heaven open for prayer. I davened (for the right shidduch) and then I was able to fight the temptation!

What I'm about to say probably sounds nuts but I still want to share and maybe someone has some advice: In the past, when I would stay clean for a longer period. I got a fear - that if i don't use and exercise my ability to masturbate it will stop working. Like if a person doesn't walk for a year ch'v - he will loose his muscles and need therapy etc. So what did I do? I just got to the erection point - with no intention of acting out - just to keep fit. But this doesn't last to long.. After a few exercises I end up acting out. The thought didn't affect me yet, being that my fall was recent (2 weeks). But in near future it definitely will!!

Have a great Shabbes!!

Avrom wrote:

Have no fear, your plumbing will still work. It works for millions of people.

Paste this into the address bar (The apostrophe prevents you from being able to just click on it.)

Then scroll down to this part:

Dear Sexperts, What happens if a male doesn't ejaculate for a long period of time?

There's a vort from the heilige Noam Elimelech zt"l:
אם בחקותי תלכו ואת מצוותי תשמרו... ונתתי גשמיכם בעתם
Hashem assures us: If you go in the ways of the Torah, and abstain from such improper acts and thoughts, you need not worry whether you will function when the time comes, for I will grant you your "Gashmiyus" (i.e. bodily functions) in their right time.

MT

To chachaman: First of all i'm in awe of you. Even in such a difficult situation you're still shteiging. amazing.

Thanks for sharing your story with us (it feels good doesn't it).
I think you have to figure out a plan that works for you so maybe you should sit down once and think about it, see what works for you, what doesn't etc.I think that this should be a topic in itself but you can also use positive reinforcement not just knasos.
maybe you can chat with someone (or call) and figure it out. In the meantime you really are doing great, falls and all (even if you fall once every few days you still beat the yetzer horah many times in between).

about the phone, i downloaded the k9 browser for my sisters android and it seems good but like you said they're not foolproof so the ikkur is what you choose to do

about the torah schedule, i dont know your schedule but i used to listen to shiurim on my way to yeshiva (before i started dorming) check out torahanytime.com among other great free sites.I also found that one of the easiest times to learn is in bed right before i go to sleep.And also if all you can learn is 15 minutes a day then that's all hashem expects from you.

About the crush, i don't know too much about these things but i don't really see a problem.So you had or even have a crush on a girl, big deal. As long as you just avoid thinking about it i don't see why it should be an issue.

i hope this helps
as usual if anyone disagrees plz speak up

one more thing, with all due respect i disagree with avrom, if you feel that the 90 day group chart will help because you would be messing it up for the rest of us, which you will if you fall (sorry avrom ) then i think that we should definitely do it.Of course avrom is right that we wouldn't be angry at you

About my week:
This week was B"H pretty good, i got re-used to yeshivah again for the most part.On the lust side its also been pretty good but i kept having thoughts that i had to blow up, but bh i managed to take care of them before they got too far.
One thing that wasn't so good was that i really missed being here, i was thinking and i realized i'm kind of happy i have this problem.If i wouldn't (A.K.A. pressing the blue button on guardyoureyes.com) then i probably wouldn't of met any of you and life would be a lot more boring. I'm starting to think i'm addicted to gye...

That's pretty much all i have to report so i guess no news is good news and let's all have a great week and KOMT

bye for now
inastruggle

p.s. the daily "gye addicts" conference calls are starting a new cycle of the big blue kuntrus. pm dov for more details and his phone number.

I think a 90-day group thing would be helpful, because it would give me another solid reason to stop. Of course, no one would get mad at others if they messed it up, but they'd get mad at themselves.

It does not feel good opening up.

I don't need a group thing to work it out with. My problem isn't lust. That's just a symptom.

Obviously I have time to learn, the struggle is using that time the way I am supposed to.

The whole thing with the crush is purely psychological. Since I'll never see her again once I graduate, I'm hoping that the whole problem will go away by itself.

On a more positive note, the k9 filter works better than I could have imagined on the android: it prevents you from installing all other browsers, or accessing the internet on any other apps. It far exceeds the iphone in this regard.

I fell Wednesday, then Saturday night (but without iphone, I just woke up in the middle of the night and in my half-tired state did it mechanically.

Baruch Hashem, I have plenty of reasons to be happy. It's just so depressing living at my Dad's house. B"H, everythings wonderfl at my mom's house, it just all goes to hell at my dad's house. I think I've figured out why (tell me what you think)--this is something I jotted down (on my iPod) earlier today:


The addict mind rationalizes "well, that person might be insulted if I don't look at her, etc." [Or the habit mind, whatever you want to call it :)]. Newsflash: people need to find authentic sources of happiness for themselves (and if you're looking for one, Torah's it), and whatever I do isn't going to help that.

I've been reading through some of the following articles, and I find them much more helpful than a lot of the GYE stuff (probably because it's written by a person with a PHD in psychology):

drsorotzkin.com/articles.html.

Especially the bottom link.

I found him helpful too, that's why his link is in my signature .