Day 6 went pretty well. Like the last responder wrote (reallygettingthere), I have to start focusing on the positives in my life. The day went well because work was so hectic that I didn't even think about this stuff the whole day. Even on the commute to work I was so riled up about what I had to finish at my desk that I was able to subconsciously avoid looking at all the exciting views around me.
So 2 things happened....
A) A small sense of pride, that I was changing. Actually, really changing. And when I got home it was almost weird--I definitely noticed that I treated my wife and kids differently. More focused, caring. Not like I wanted them all out of the way so I can do what I want to do. Not just in terms of porn, etc but a general selfish attitude that I believe comes along and is terribly exacerbated by this 'addiction'. (I tend to put quotes around that word, because notwithstanding all the research, I still have my doubts as to whether it helps me or hurts me to acknowledge that it is an addiction. Not because I refuse to be an addict; that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is when I acknowledge that it is an addiction I find myself giving in alot easier, with the excuse that, well, addictions mean that it's nearly impossible to stop).
This is important--as much as I'm 'addicted', which is defined as unable to stop this routine that I've started, I actually despise routine. And the beauty of it, is that any negative routine is really embraced while the positive ones are discarded. So along with my problem with everything this site deals with, I have many other flaws as well. So I started to feel that I really am spending alot of time writing these posts and maybe I don't need it anymore. Because I'm getting very bored of this routine. And I know how ridiculous this is--because I need this site/forum/journal/wall of honor more than any other guy who I've been reading their posts. Because in a way, without losing my anonymity, this has the potential to bring my whole life to a pitiful end. I laugh because, in a way, it actually has succeeded already. And I need this so badly--to climb out of this scary and overwhelming wreck that I've created in my life. I have so far avoided stating my age and length of the addiction and it's only because it's just too embarressing. Even with anonymity. I'm not even that old, but if you told me 10 years ago that I will still be fighting this--I would have never believed you. And it's only gotten worse.
I am scared about Day 7. Alot of emotions are being triggered lately and I know that tommorrow I'll have alot of free time as I really got most of my weeks' work done today.
If anyone is out there reading--please keep praying for me!
Thanks

you really are doing great.
first of all watch out for that sense of pride, enjoy your success but stay on guard because if you get over confident it's all over,
i know what you mean about this site changing behavior even in other things, i have a had time getting up and the past few days i did it much easier. i think it comes from having exercised our self control so much and so often.

It seems like you also already know what to look out for and what emotions might cause you to fall so just keep doing what you're doing look out for these times try to avoid them and when they're happening use whatever tools help you, to keep going.

About the routine part, maybe if you're getting bored of writing then you should try doing it every two days or once a week.BUT only if that is going to help, if you think that posting everyday is whats keeping you afloat then dont stop. change it up a little maybe and if all it takes is saying what day it is then do that, but again if this is helping then don't stop even if it's getting a bit tedious.

i hope this helps
hatzlacha and kutgw

It's really tricky for me to post over the weekends as I'm very much around the house, and there's no way I want my wife to see me on this website. But I have some time now, and I'll document a couple of sucesses I've had over the last couple of days.
Thursday's are rough for me. Not only do I have easy access to act out as well as plenty of free time to do it (my core work pretty much ends on Thursdays as soon as I would like it to), but I have a lot of private time, which even if it doesn't turn out into 'acting out', it becomes a long battle in my head of overcoming the urge to utilize the chunk of free time and space to act out. I'm proud, lucky, but most of all thankful to G-d that I didn't act out.
The Friday/Shabbos slots are susually pretty easy. Not in the sense that I don't have cravings and desires to act out, but moreso because I don't have free time and access to privacy as much. So that went well too.
Notwithstanding my success, there has been a failure too. On Thursday evening the following happened and I think it's very important for me to be aware of and to seek help (let's start in this forum if anybody has some good advice!) for. Towards the evening, when it looked like I was in the clear for the day, there was a relatively weak trigger that crossed my path. For some odd reason, my lust grabbed this trigger by the horns and really began to exacerbate it tremendously--using it to create all kinds of fantasies in my head. I did overcome this by telling myself that this is all just ridiculous fantasy and reminding myself how I would feel if I acted out. Also, knowing I would have to admit my failure here, in relative public, helped as well. I'd have to reset my Wall of Honor status, etc. Just something I didn't want to do. In addition to the fact that every Wall of Honor journal I've looked at so far had a straight and consistent Path to 90 Days without failure. I had to be as good as the rest of 'em I told myself. At least my competitive edge was on my side. So the urge eventually went away.
A couple of hours later, as I was totally off guard, already crediting myself for a completed Day 7, I was re-awakened by these terrible fantasies (to the tune of balayla hazeh nad'da shnas hamelech--for dramatic effect). Avoiding unecessary details, I failed. I went on a 'gateway site' (a site that is a gateway to bad sites) and that was sufficient to really make me lose. So the battle was lost. And it's important for me to mention why. Here goes...
There's this decision battle going on in my head. My urge's usually can't be acted on immediately; they need to wait until I have privacy (which is not always very easy). So what they do is, they make me sign a virtual document. I'm not kidding. They get me to decide to act out. And then, whenever I have the opportunity, I'm bound by that decision. I don't know why. But the decision they force me into has rarely been rescinded. Obviously, other decisions of mine (ie to fix this problem) has been rescinded countless times, so I am quite aware of the hypocrisy. Please offer me help to solve this, as I'm noticing this is usually the cause of my downfall. (That's a cry for help to anyone who may be reading this). But it actually led to a major success that I won't take lightly...
I am still posting. I didn't get to 90 on my first try, but I'm still posting and I'm not giving up just yet. I'll be honest--this is not my first go-around on GYE. I've tried the Wall of Honor before and after failing a couple of times, GYE became that site that showed up periodically on advertisements that caused me to think, "Hope it's helping somebody because it sure didn't help me". Well, it was actually me who didn't help me. But at least for today, I am still trying. So I hereby declare myself 2 days clean. With a tinge of embarressment? Yes. With a sense of failure? Yes. With a strong feeling of imperfection? Definitely. But proud that I can still continue. So here's a l'chaim for 2 days! Hopefully this week I'll be able to go from shabbos to shabbos.
I obviously need ccontinued prayers. Thanks.

about the decision part check out the taphsic method because i think that it's particularly useful when it comes to planned falls since there's extra time to think about the consequences.
another thing is to realize when you're contemplating the decision to fall and to just stop thinking about it, don't say to yourself 'i'll fall this one time and then start over and this time for good' (thats how it worked for me until i decided to do this) don't let yourself get to that stage, and the second you realize that you're thinking about something that might lead to a fall just change the thought to something else.This has been the main thing that helped me so far.

btw you're still doing great kutgw