Tomorrow should be ok IYH- a friend who knows about my struggle has offered to come and revise at my house tomorrow, so that'll be fine. And for the rest of the week I may be ok, but after that I'm finished my exams and I've got 2 weeks till I go back to school after that- I can't not be home all day for two weeks! Hopefully my dad will have re-blocked it by then, but there's no guarantee of that... the last time I wanted him to do something like this was after the asifa last year- I'd watched a video of it, was all fired up and asked my dad to block all of my internet, and... nothing happened. Ok, it was partially my fault then, as the inspiration faded relatively quickly so I didn't bother pushing him, and then I asked for another site unblocked so he thought I'd given up on having everything blocked. But still, it could take ages to re-block everything... and I have stuff i need to use a computer for...

Bechasdei Hashem, my Dad blocked it! Looked like I underestimated him! Thank you so much Tatte (both the one in this earth and Avinu shebashomayim :-) )

Congrats! KOT

I fell. It turns out my computer wasn't that clean in the end. There was a picture website unblocked, and it didn't take too long before I'd found it, tantalised myself, looked, looked some more, and m***. And the chances of getting that website blocked? Low. And then even if I do, a whole bunch of random sites seem to have suddenly become unblocked, some kosher, some not-so-kosher. So each time I find one, I'll have to ask my dad to block it, but he'll get annoyed eventually, and he'll give up and stop blocking them. Last night, when I was pestering him block a site which wouldn't block, he just said "have a bit of yiras shomayim for one day!" Shkoyach. Thanks a lot. I thought when I told him a couple of months ago he'd understand. Instead, I'm just going to go back on the endless carousel of falls that was my life before i joined GYE. What I think my dad sees is a frum boy who happens to have a few problems with Shemiras Einayim. I don't know if he knows about the m***, the extreme compulsions that I have. What he doesn't appreciate is that my frumkeit has nothing to do with my lusting. You can be the biggest talmid chacham in the world, and be really close to Hashem, and still be a luster. Essentially, I am a ba'al taivah, and I have to stay away from any forms of temptation, or I'm a gonner. And that's however long my shemone esrei's are.
And last night wasn't helped by my mum and sister standing there going "Just don't click on it!" I'm not blaming them- they don't even know about my problem. But still, it doesn't make it easy...

Chas v'shalom! You are not essentially a ba'al taivah! You are essentially a Chelek Hashem Mima'al! This is the Yetzer Hara Speaking! When you do a mitzvah, he says you did a mitzvah. But when you do an aveirah, he says you are the aveirah. Does that seem right?

How many times have you resisted since you started GYE? If you went to the Gym everyday for a month and then stayed in bed one day, would you have lost all of your muscle, endurance, strength, flexibility? Of course not! Just keep going. The Ikur is the process anyway.

As far as your family, don't worry about whether they understand or not. Make sure you understand. Don't only treat the symptoms. Hashem is putting us through this because there is something deep inside that will be revealed by this struggle. There will always be a way to get passed the filter, the blocked site, or whatever it is. Just make it so that it's not too easy.

KOT holy brother!

Just a question--why not give your filter password not to your father, but instead to a local Rav or someone like that?

OR, make this kabbalah:

"I WILL NOT USE THE INTERNET EXCEPT IN THE KITCHEN WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT I AM UP TO, for one week."

Or, "I will not use my computer after 9:00 at night".

Of course, when you're alone in the room and you have the computer it is super difficult to stop. But kill your Yetzer Hara to go on the computer in the first place! Shift the battleground.

Thanks Chachaman- I made a shevua that for the next two and a bit weeks, if I use my computer in my room without my door open, I'll put a certain amount of money in Tzedaka. However, I only applied this to when someone else is home- it won't really help if no one else is home. And not using it then isn't really an option- I told someone I'd do something for him which a)requires a computer and b)will take quite a bit of time. Any advice?
I also made a shvua not to use my computer later than 9:35PM, with a knas of tzedaka. Anyway, I've started again, so here goes...

Oh, and here's a document I've putting together for a while now. When I joined GYE, I started taking any really good quotes I found around the forum and in Chizuk emails and putting them in a word document. I've converted it into a pdf here and attached it. If you're ever in need of some chizzuk, this is probably a good place to look! Let me know if this is useful!

thanks zvi!

Thank you!

I guess it would be hard to say "no Internet while on computer". worse, the project might make you use the computer.

is it a possibility to take your computer to a library or even a coffee shop or your front porch?

Could you uninstall all Internet browsers, and then reload them once your project is over? or are you stuck needing the Internet?

is it a possibility to renege on the agreement, seeing as this issue is very important...you wouldn't jump off a cliff just because you agreed to do it for your friend.

--Chachaman

How about I post my computer activity every half hour while I'm using the computer and no one's home? Sort of 'self accountability'. I'll try it for tomorrow and see what happens.

a little too close for comfort to the edge of the cliff

Hmmm... I'll try it for today, and see what happens. I think I can trust myself here...
I've made a Kabbala to do it, with a risk of financial loss.
So here goes (I'll keep editing this post)
11:00AM: I turn my computer on, go onto GYE, gmail and open up a word document which I need. I also go on to jewishmusicstream.com- a music radio station.
11:34AM: I request a song on jewishmusicstream, I start this project I had to do on word, I open dropbox.com so the file I am working on syncs with the one on my friend's computer. I received an email on gmail, so I read it.
12:00PM: I continue on word, I open my old email account to find someone's email address, send an email to someone.
12:30PM: I carry on on word, I get a few emails from friends (plus one from GYE ) and I check them. I also write a couple of emails.
12:55PM: I get a PM on GYE, check it, reply, carry on on word (not it that order- the PM came just now, literally!) Anyway, I'm stopping on the computer for a bit now...
1:50PM: I'm back on... will update again at 2:30
2:30PM: Pretty much the same... emails, word.
2:33PM: Right, I'm bored- forget this. Stopping with computer for a bit.
3:40PM: Back on.
4:20PM: Finished with the word thing for the day, spend some time looking around GYE.
5:00PM: Look around on GYE a bit more- my sisters are home now, though, so I'll stop here.

Bechasdei Hashem it's worked!

Well, it worked yesterday, so here I go again...
1:30PM: I turn on my computer, open my emails and GYE.
2:00PM: Opened jewishmusicstream.com, read an email, spent some time on GYE, tried to plan group (i'm a madrich in a local youth movement), failed to plan group , sent an email to my co-madrichim asking for help planning group , and now my mum's home so i'll stop here.