Im just crypticly venting about my daughters school ....my daughter is an angel and nearly every school she has been to have either outright attacked her or severely neglected her ....her current school was good for a while but in their quest to become a talmud torah - like institute they are risking alienating the girls with their at times over the top zealousness ...especially in the dress code

Laughingman i hope everything falls into place be"h asap.

Seems your really going through hard times in life. Stay strong and be"h things will fall into place. We can't understand hashems plan but in the end he usually shows us that it all was for our best.

KOMT and much Hatzlacha!!!

Its very important to realize there are soo many steps up ...because my problems are not because of themselves as much as my ability to deal with them .....a person who lives in guilt of past deeds that only he himself knows about might have a hard time dealing with even everyday normal ups and downs ...let alone larger life altering problems ....

Also believing that G-d loves you is in a way more important than simply believing that He exists

And the fight continues....

Chanuka .....sometimes feels like the odd one.....because hallel but no mussaf .....lots of quasi - customs byt not really a meal ....

Also there is no megillah ...or torah parasha ....the daily reading is about the nessiim ....

But this is the only holiday that existed with a beit hamikdash

Also this holiday is also a celebration of the mishkans dedication which really deserves its own holiday but if we were to celebrate now only about that maybe it would be more sorrow than happy

But really chanuka is about that every jew has in them to come back and if we would all just sit around the light of the menorah and take in its holiness .....thats enough to help us foward .....

My own fight is intensified ....i have redoubled my efforts to define a border that i do not cross so i dont get even near the red zone ....it has been a problem in the past but im still at it ...

great method!
keep it up
i saw in sefer bnei yissoschor, the difference between shabbos and chanukeh,
shabbos our neshomo becomes more holy, we draw closer to hashem
whereas chanukeh hashem draws closer to us, he shines down with his kedushe to us down here, no matter how low we are

Every time i have had a fall i have tried to change my method or thought....i would do more but my day is pretty packed as it is ...

The one thing that doesnt seem to go away are the pressures that were there in the first place ....

I am in debt .....it wouldnt be soo bad but its always on my mind because i was soo careful up till 2 years ago.... and now it might take a while to get out of it

I feel so foolish

In a similar vein, at different points we are careful of what we look at and we don't act out. But then we fell and we feel so foolish. But we know that that's just the yetzer hara trying to keep us from getting back up. Keep on monster trucking bro!! You got this one!!

dear laughingman
lets keep together!
i am also in major debts
big big money, and so what
this is how hashem wants me to serve him
being in debt and to be clean
while knowing its harder, keep in mind that:
מאה פעמים בצער, מאחד שלא בצער
so the rewards are by far greater then any rivals
lets be mechazek all our friends here, who a lot of them also have debts

I keep going .....one thing that helps is the memory of what happens if i do give in ....nothing .....i dont feel better for it .....

And the high aint worth the cost

cheers mate

The yetzer ...or as i like to think of it ......well anything that sounds less sinister....

Is throwing everything its got ....or at least i feel like that sometimes....i try to deflect....to abvoid seeing ...'":**** or acting on lust .....

I always pray for Hashem to step in for me and not let me repeat my mistakes

of course
he will everything possible to get someone to go down the drain
he will paint this evil por* viewing, as a great mizveh
he will make the environment, situation, access, fully comfortable to sin away
he will suck out every good bit of energy that you have
then throw you away like a rotten apple
and only hashem can measure him up

laughingman wrote:


Don't believe it. I assure you that there are plenty people - both yidden and goyim - who have desires and tests far greater and more powerful and painful than you do. And some stay clean while some do not.

Masturbating or using porn may mess up things, but self pity will lock any person who uses it in a jail, R"l.

interesting
i never thought of that as self pity
but yes
blaming the y"h, and using the y"h strength, as a coverup, is self pity