How was the rest of the day?

If you don't have enough time to chat you don't have enough time to lust either. And if you feel your starting to lust that means you have time so.....check in to gye.

KOT!!!

DD you are 100% right. I made time to lust and did not get on here. I am so sad to have to say that I fell. I was too embarrassed to show my face until I had a few clean days. But...I am now back!

Hayom Shlosha Yomim Leomer!

Hi Friends,
I am really not getting any traction. Last night I spent alot of time on these forums to get connected. I feel so bad for so many people here who have real nisyonos and challenges in life. My life is so much easier and I still struggle. I have developed a deep respect for all my friends here and I am happy to be part of this wonderful group.

pischoshelmachat wrote:


R' Yossel.......
Caaaaaannnnn yyoooouuuuuuu hhheeeeaaaarrrrr mmmmeeeeeeee?

Hello my dear friends, I decided to come back to my friends after basically cutting off from all gye forums charts calls etc. Not because I was running away, just got too busy to spend the time, although I had time for the YH...alot of time.
A couple of things happened in my life that to me were a knock on the door by the RBS"O to get my attention.I am now back o the chart and bezras Hashem, back on track.

Welcome back,

Isn't this somewhat of a pattern?
What will be different?
How will you maintain consistency?
Some may think that I'm bein' harsh, but it is my sincere love and friendship that I have with you that is causin' me to ask you these questions.

Lookin' forward to hearin' more and frequent.

b'hatzlachah

Every time I get up I ask myself What am I doing this time that will be different. I don't have a great answer but I do have a good answer. Over the past few months I noticed that when I was engrossed in my life and avoiding distractions, meaning getting up on time to go learn and daven, exercise, enjoy my family, give 100% at work, just living life to the fullest,the lustful nagging got much weaker. So my plan for this time was to focus on the asei tov, it makes me feel good and stay clean.

Hi!

Hi there!

Have you tried a sponsor, a buddy of sorts that the deal is if/when you feel particularly vulnerable you will call him?

While your attitude is impressive don't you think you need a more dramatic change in your game plan for a realistic shot at permanent success.

pischoshelmachat wrote:


Great idea chaver!!!

But from my past I've learned that that's not really enough. Focusing on asei tov is a huge help but you need something more for those weak moments when the you don't feel the asei tov.

Kop!!!!

dd wrote:


Right on DD!
I told our friend that on the phone.
As of now, he is readin' every day from white book; he texts me in the mornin's (most of them) what idea he read about.

b'hatzlachah to all

It's great that you're here! I know what it's like to post after a long hiatus, believe me. I took a months-long break -- though I used to charts pretty religiously -- and it was hard showing my virtual face back here.

I had the revelation, though, that a lot of my time here was not effectively spent even before my break. I mean, yes, by virtue of just being here, you are in a different, better category than most non-affiliated addicts, but, at least for me, the lack of real step-work just meant I was white-knuckling until my next fall (which I am not saying is anything but imminent, hence my attachment to step-work now).

I just embarked on an addiction literature review -- religious and nonreligious -- and started the 12 steps in earnest. I do feel a difference, an attitude shift, though this may just be the freshman zeal (I'm a real optimism junkie), and a temporary fix. Who knows? For now, it's day by day, whilst I actually do my homework!

Thank you all my dear friends. I have taken your advice. I am reading daily from the White Book and will make reading part of my daily schedule. I have found a temporary sponsor and have rejoined Dov's phonecall in earnest. I am currently working on my first step writing and hopefully giving over to the group. I am very nervous about that.
As some of you might know, the stakes have just multiplied big time. My wife caught me with porn, hence, the sudden spurt of cleanliness and the renewed vigor in getting with the program. My wife is understanding but she made it very clear that she will not live with a loser who jerks off to porn (my words..not hers..she is way too holy)and if she catches me again, our marriage is OVER!!!

My loving wife has a friend whose husband is in very bad shape as a sexaholic..been with hundreds of women and is in real bad shape. He is now attending SA meetings regularly.

Last night i made up my mind with the encouragement of many and my sponsor that I would go to a meeting. I told my wife that I want to go meet with someone for chizzuk and she panicked asking me "Please don't tell me you are going to an SA meeting?" "I cannot be married to an addict", she practically cried.
I told her of course not, and now i cannot go because i will not lie to her if i ever expect her to trust me again.
To her SA is for men who are sleeping around all day with prostitutes. Not for a mild porn/masturbater. She asked me "Is it more than porn but you are not telling me?"
I am totally spooked because i don't want to scare her but i think I should go to meetings. I will try to convey to her that SA is for "normal" people and the "off the charts" addicts are the exception not the rule.
I told her, when i promised it would not happen again, i really meant it and it was not lip service. This means i am making major changes in my life, which she sees. I told her, even if SA meetings (in her eyes) is overkill because it is only for "real" addicts, I want to "overmedicate" in the way of caution and I will back off if I see that I don't need "chemo" but Tylenol is enough.
This way she will not get spooked if I go to meetings. She does see that I am more patient and caring and productive since I joined GYE which I told her about years ago which i explained as a fellowship group of self improvement. This saved me because when she discovered my porn use last month, she knew I didn't wait for her to catch me to start working on myself. Now she knows the details of what I was working on.
I am so afraid of slipping and ruining my life. I need much help and chizzuk from all you my dear friends.
Thank you for "Listening"