Gam Zu,

Regret can be a killer. It can get me really down after a fall.
I try to move on, ignore it, accept what was.
The Y"H has many tricks and getting us down is a big one...
Regret can be challenged, I find, to questions of,
how to move on?
how do I better protect myself?
what happened and how will I prevent it from recurring?

Just some thoughts...
I would also suggest that you peruse the forum a bit,
There are many suggestions for you all over here.

Sturggle

Tzadik, its very tough to pick yourself up and move on. A lot easier said then done. It takes a lot of courage to come back and post it - even on an anonymous forum- the main thing is to use the fall as an "advance course" in what went wrong and to avoid a repeat scenario.
Post away and keep sharing it really works!
Fiery love
Noorah from the House of Amram

Gam Zu wrote on 16 Sep 2009 03:46:


TATTALEH HEILIGEH GAMZU

HEY WE ALL FELL THATS HOW WE GOT TO THIS PLACE

HEY WE WERENT BORN HERE

I WAS SLIPPING AND FALLING ALL OVER THE PLACE

TZADDIK LOOK WERE YOU SLIPPED...

...DONT LOOK WERE YOU FELL

WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU

CMON JUMP RIGHT BACK IN!!!!

bardichev

First is to realize that you are still definitely winning this battle. You've been a month clean! Imagine how many times you said "no" to the Yetzer hara in that amount of time!

Second is to learn from the fall what caused it, and make new and better fences. This ultimately uplifts the fall to Kedusha.

Third. Please read Principle #24-30 of the attitude handbook. You'll find a lot of great yesodos for dealing with a fall.

Remember, the addiction feeds off the depression caused by the falls. Make sure not to let this get you down! If you learned only this principle on GuardYourEyes, it would have been worth it just for that. The Yetzer Hara wants you to get DOWN about the fall, even more than he wanted you to fall.

Sometimes a person was "brought" to fall from heaven, only to see what he will do THEN.

You have what it takes to beat this. Full steam ahead!

Sturggle, Noorah from the House of Amram, Bardichev, Guard,

B"H since the fall I am going strong, 5 days and counting. The only thing I fear is the fact that I have been at this point before and soon fell. I'm flying high now and worried about my blimp popping mid-air. This week I've been saying slichos, tomorrow is R"H, and I just experienced the terrible regret not too long ago. These are all reasons to give me the extra push but how do I know that after slichos is over, we get past the yomim norraim, and the regret slowly dies down, I wont fall then and we'll be at square one?

You all advised to examine where I slipped and determine how to better avoid. This is what I have done. The fall last week began by the usual web browsing. It turned into "let me look at clothed women," and then henceforth from there. It all started from the web browsing. I feel like its a game in which the yetzer hara has defeated me in thousands of times. I literally can not remember how many times I began "innocently" web browsing and ended up falling. I have taken your advice and the web browsing is limited due to the fact that I now installed the proper filter. I am hoping that this will be the factor beyond the high that I am on.

Thanks for the advice and hearing me out.
-GZ

I'm with you, my dear friend! For me the key is what I call a "no nonsense" filter. Meaning that I can't circumvent it and that it actually filters. With it I'm ok with the help of Hashem! Without it I'm dead! impossible for me!

Also, all the holy brothers who are sober longdistance tell us that the attitude of "one day @ a time" is an absolute must for us addicts. We can't start thinking what about tomorrow? what about after the yomim noraim?
For us its just "today"
Hayom I'm bkolo tishmao
Love and prayers
Noorah

B"H I had a very successful R"H. Still going strong after 10 days (my longest streak in months!). I was able to go into yom tov with a weeklong streak under my belt and it definitely changed my tefillos. Although its a mere 10 days, when others have been clean for years and even others who never fell at all, for me it was an accomplishment that gave me the confidence to be able to open my heart to HKB"H.
Noorah, I installed a "no-nonsense filter and I dont have the password to it; nor any access to getting the password. But there was one point where I found myself trying to work around it. I was looking at pics, that a normal person would not be aroused by but affect me. I didnt fall and caught myself before losing control; however, I'm just concerned about this holding me back. No filter would block this stuff out and I cant not use the comp (need it for work). So I have to strengthen myself up so even this stuff wont affect me because there will be no way to avoid it.
In the meantime, Im taking it one day at a time, like you said.
All the best,
GZ

I'm ecstatic to hear that BH u had a good rh- remember the truism of the aa motto - we live by it here "kol yom bifnei atsmo"
With regards to image seArch there may be a setting to disallow period any image search.
If not then always use the computer in a way that others can see (think of the rules of yichud) never secluded if possible.

I know the Almighty will be with you and I have you in my humble prayers.

One day @ a time
Love

Noorah

Gam Zu,
Great to hear that you had a good R"H.
As you, Noorah and we all say, one day at a time!

i find that if I know there is something that might get me, I just don't look. Easier said then done, clearly.
The filter is a good first step. You're ten days and counting,
it makes sense that "this stuff" affects you.
No worries, just move on forward!

Sorry guys its been a while... but I seriously decreased my usage of the computer. The filter is working great; however, I still found myself searching for best-to-avoid-sites which would technically not be blocked, so I limited my time on the computer.

Anyway....B"H I just updated my streak to 33 days. I honestly can't believe it. Since my addiction started I never got past two weeks and here I am at 33 days and b'chasdei Hashem going strong. Obviously, there has been a number of bumps and tests along the way and I am no where near my destination; yet, I could not have more hakaros hatov to HKB"H for helping me get this far. There were times during this first month in which I was positive it was over but HaShem sent little messages to keep me pushing. Two examples which I immediately recall:
1) One late night after a long stressful day, my urges were at their highest. I was about to fall until I heard my son let out a loud shreak from his crib. Once I heard him yell I paused to think how can I c"v give in when I have so much to be thankful for.  I quickly ran to his room to check on him and by the time I got there he was fine, sound asleep. I realized what a huge tovah that Hashem was doing by allowing me to catch myself. 
2) One afternoon while home alone I found myself in a similiar heated moment when my blackberry buzzed with an email from none other than Guard. I paused for a little (even chuckled at Hashem's humor) and caught myself before it was too late. (Thanks Guard!)
There is no question - I would not have gotten past 3 days without siyata dishmaya and I daven that it continues for myself, the amazing individuals associated with this site, and all of klal yisrael.

All the best,
GZ

GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Thanks Bardichev .....

B"H I'm up to 36 now and I feel real good (ba"h). The filters work pretty well so it makes the battle a much easier at home. But I still have plenty of trouble with shmiras eiynayim in the street. I'll be completely honest there is not one female I do not look at when passing by. B"H 75% of the time I dont look back again but I'm looking for a good eitzah in controlling myself from the beginning. How have you guys controlled yourselves when on the street?

P.S. Guard, shkoyach for forwarding my post - it gave me such chizuk going into shabbos that you felt it was worthy of being sent out. Thanks again for that and all that you do!

Just felt like I should share this thought:

Isn't it interesting that when you look at a gorgeous woman and youre fixated on her beuty how strong your yetzer can be to push you to act on your desires. You can almost get excited and jittery that you will act out. However, when you c"v do, you feel like the lowest of lows, like a piece of garbage.
On the other hand when youre struggling through a sugya and you dont know whats going on in the gemarah you feel depressed and down. However, when you actually get it and figure out the piece youre mamash walking in the heavens. It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

Just spent the last two hrs on one tosfos and finally got it, B'chasdei HaShem!

Moshe emes v'soraso emes!!!!

IN THE BEGGINING OF MY 90 I NEEDED REMINDERS AS I WALKED ON THE STREET I WOULD

SMUDGE MY GLASSES

PUT REMINDERS IN MY TREO

CALL ME NUTS BUT IF I WAS HAVING HANAAH FROM GAZING I WOULD BBITE THE INSIDE OF MY CHEEK TILL IT HURT


THE ONLY 'EITZOS" ARE PRE-EMPTIVE ONCE YOU ARE ON THE TRAIN PLANE HOTELROOM DRsOFFICE BANK ETC.

YOU ARE DONE DONE DONE

So...Just recorded day 47!!!

Overall the battle is going pretty well. However, the other day I faced the most difficult test yet: I was sitting at a friends computer, when I clicked on the wrong link which accidentally brought me into the world of tumah. I literally jumped back when I first noticed my findings and just sat there in disbelief. The urge of 40+ days and the excitement from the surprising discovery put me in a deep dilemma. I put my head down by his computer as my mind raced back and forth. I was about to give in to the y"h, when I did something which I read from one of the recent emails. I started to talk to HKB"H. I have always thought the techniques wouldn't work for me, since in the heat of the moment I truly believed I would be too weak to use them. But somehow I began and said, "Hashem, here I am at 40+ days. I'm trying really hard and everyday its a battle. I'll be honest; I want to give in sooooooo badly. I want to throw it away for the few moments of ha'naah; but I know 20 minutes from now I'll be kicking myself. Please let me get past this. I cant do it without You." And b"H, completely thru siyata dishmaya, somehow I found the strength to get up and press the power button and continue on my way.
Thanks for the simple yet most effective eitzah!

Keep davening,
GZ