You are a true hero! I too was able to get to see some vids b/b my k9 filter is not 100% perfect. unfortunately it lead me down a  dark path and after 4 wks I was not able to stay strong. However I now have a much greater resolve and inner strength to succeed at all costs,no matter what it takes. You were completely 100% true to yourself and Hashem when you realized that you were in trouble and you called out to your sponsor.Hashem helps us in so  many ways,we just need to keep our eyes open.B"H you kept your's open,and look you had success! May Hashem continue to  bless you with much success!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi gettinghelp,

Is Jnet available in your area?

Jnet is really saving me.  Before Jnet I used to have a problem watching non-P video clips and movies and that too usually lead me down the dark road to P usage.  Ever since I have had Jnet installed, I simply have not watched youtube or online movies, simply because I cannot.

Chazal say ... btachbulos taseh l'cha milchama ... with strategies (plural) you shall engage in battle.

The pasuk says tachbulos in the plural, not tachbula in the singular.

We need to use all the weapons we can get our hands on to fight the evil designs of the yetzer horah.

My advice to you would be get Jnet, get monitoring software, get an accountability partner ... do what you can within your abilities to add siyagim to keep away from the perils of the Internet.

Remember ... al tamin b'atzmecha ad yom moscha ... we cannot trust ourselves.

Thank you for the encouragement and much hatzlacha to you in achieving victory in this milchama ha'gedola

You can block videos in K9 by not allowing the streaming video/mp3 category.

Well today is day 30 ...

B"H have I have been feeling good, but need to be VERY careful going into the weekend.

I hope that month number 2 will be easier than month number 1.

Have a wonderful Shabbos everyone!

shomer wrote on 06 Feb 2009 15:39:


B'Hatzlocho shomer, keep coming back, remember you are worth it...

Congratulations on reaching Level 4. I have updated you chart and crowned you with the "Eved Hashem" crown.

With a partner like Boruch, you should be Ok :-) And Boruch, with a partner like Shomer, you'll do great too!

Thank you for the encouragement GUE & boruch!

Well it is motzei Shabbos and although I did not want to be on the computer, certain obligations required that I be online for a bit of time tonight.  That being said, I finished what I needed to do and will not sit around and linger.

B'hatzlacha to all

Today is day 33 ...

B"H I have been feeling pretty good over past couple of weeks and feel the intense edge I was experiencing over the first three weeks beginning to subside.

I had a couple of good reasons to be triggered over the weekend, but that did not happen.  One incident was relating to a financial issue which has had the potential to drive me straight to P.  I was mechazek myself in bitachon instead and that particular stress did not turn into a trigger.  I also went to a wedding in NY by myself which had the potential to be triggering.  I lived in NY some years ago and am acutely sensitive to the chazal that states koshe yishevas krochim (it is difficult to dwell in big cities).  All day I was anticipating a challenge, but the experience was almost anti-climactic.  I listened to a shiur in the car, took off my glasses when I walked the streets as well as during much of the chasuna and nothing happened.  I am thankful to Hashem for having brought me this far.

Hatzlacha to all! 

B"H, Shomer we are proud to be your friends

Shomer, that was the greatest kiddush Hashem in the world!

Shomer,
I have read your posts and it just gives great chizuk to see people with similar challenges and who are fighting it.  I look forward to reaching your level.
-ykv

Shomer Hashem es kol Ohavav.

Thank you so much for the support & encouragement guys!

Day 34 and B"H all is well. 

B'Hatzlacha Rabba to all ...

I am glad to say that I have reached the 5 week mark.

It certainly has not been easy, but things do seem to be getting easier.  I do not feel as on-edge as I had during the first 3 or so weeks.

As I understand things, the secret to achieving long-term sobriety is to replacing the negative coping mechanisms and habits with positive ones.  In order to be be a sur ma'rah one has to be an asay tov.

In 12 step programs, great attention is given to building character and becoming more connected to a higher power (I have never done the 12 steps, but so have I heard).  This strategy does make a lot of sense and I have seen instances in-which P addicts after relatively long periods of sobriety wake up one day and say so now what?  This reality, in my opinion, is why the 12 steps are so important and critical their adherents.

So how does one go about replacing bad habits and patterns, the foundations of what lead us to P in the first place, and replace them with new and healthier ones?

The answer to me seems glaringly obvious, yet much harder to implement.

barasi yetzer hora, u'barisi Torah tavlin ... Hashem is telling us ... I created the yetzer hora and I have created the Torah as the only remedy.

Up until this point I have taken the external steps (filter/monitor/jnet/accountability) that were absolutely critical to getting me to where I am today.

It is now time to focus inward and look for ways to strengthen myself in Torah and yiras shomayim.

im ain ani li me li ... im lo achshav eimasai

Hashem, please grant me the strength to turn these meager 5 weeks of sobriety into a lifelong process of growth.

Hashem, please help all those on this board and all yidden that are struggling to merit a teshuvah shelema.

What a beautiful post. Like I told "Beholy" today, I am saving it by me for future reference and/or chizuk e-mails :-)

Ashrechem Yisrael!!