stillgoing wrote:


Now I don't profess to remember everything about every person, although generally I will not speak on the phone with someone unless I read his history first, did you ever mention that tidbit before? No big deal either way. ...just curious.

cordnoy wrote:

Wow, I'm flattered! I'm really grateful to Hashem for giving me the right things to say.

9494 wrote:

Yes indeed. After walking through the door it really did get better.

Hatzlacha to everyone in getting whatever help they need in this challenge and all of life,
NeedToQuit

I am feeling frustrated. I fell again yesterday. On the one hand I am struggling to get going on the other I think I am making huge progress mentally.

I wrote a post on what surrender means to me. I had a further thought on that. Surrender as I said is tiving up the right to pust etc. I now believe that a consequence of that surrender is I get my bechira back. If lust is not something that I must have then it means I have a choice whether to act out or not. If I feel a stirring of something I say to myself "you have a choice". I can choose to act or obsess because I dont have to. Now this all may be bunk, afterall I just masturbated last night. On the other hand simply reminding myself that I have no right or need to lust and I therefore can make a choice, leaves me with peace and a smile and usually a dwindling if the lust.

It feels right. What a miracle and blessing bechira is.

One thing my latest struggles have driven home is the abslute miracle my 600 days of sobriety were. I am seeing now just how far kochi vosem yadi gets me. It gets me a week at best. Just like in the last 20 years of my life.

I am an addict and I love you Hashem. Thank You for this avenue to get closer to You.

MBJ wrote:


What a great lesson for us all! Thank you for sharing!

[quote="neshamaincharge" post=258417]MBJ wrote:


Yes I totally identify wiht this feeling. It is certainly an opportunity for getting close to Hashem.

A careful look at my life has to lead me to the conclusion that I am either the luckiest man alive, or there truly is a G-d who is looking out for my best interests. Since I don't believe in luck I have no choice but to accept the latter possibility. Accepting that, I must therefore show deep gratitude, repect and appreciation for this G-d. I mean you couldn't write a script with that much serendipity. Not even the movie Serendipity has as much serendipity as my life.

Since I have this wonderful Being watching over me and provid9ng everything I need, I must then conclude that I am not lacking anything in my life. Even things that I may percievd as lacking I know this is only a limitation based on my short sightedness, and that given enough time I will see why even these alleged deficiencies to my needs and really for my benefit.

I must therefore conclude that anytime I think I need something, I must be mistaken. For, if I truly needed it I would have it. Since I do not have it, or said differently, since G-d has not given it to me, it proves that I don't need it.

Therefore any lust I feel is optional not necessary. I am then surrendering that need and left with a choice.

Once it becomes a choice I am free to think about the pros and cons of that choice and make an informed decision.

My history informs me that the pleasures of all lusts are fleeting and illusory. The pain and depression felt after far outweighs the benefit recieved.

The choice then becomes an easy and liberating one.

Now while this seems so logical and true to me now. I must go through this whole process everyday. Sometimes several times a day. That is the lessons I have learned from my last set of falls.

May Hashem give me strength to pick myself up from my מ"ט שערי טומאה and make my current 14 days of sobriety stick and grow.

MBJ wrote:


Should be mandatory reading.
Daily.
Perhaps a moderator should make this post sticky.
Anyone. ...?

The clarity of the your argument is impressive.

Thank you for that.

You are in fact displaying the classic battle between good judgement and the lure of desire.

No matter how clear it is not to consume certain foods when on a diet it's still a challenge not to eat them. Of course not to mention the added difficulties that the aroma and the comments and grunts others make over its taste.

The student knows he has to study for the exam tomorrow yet he may watch his team on television wasting away precious time.

Temptation/lust gives quick strong pleasure but is short lived followed by fallout that isn't pretty. The true value of its pleasure is thus illusory.

On the other hand, making the logical sound decision gives a person a long lasting meaningful feeling of accomplishment and self respect.

Thanks MBJ for that share!!

It's really nice to see your posts, sporadic as they may be!!

KOT!! KOMT!!!

Thanks MBJ!!!!

What a great post!!!!

Like Cordnoy said this should be a must to everyone!!! And like you said sometimes even a couple of times a day!!!

But like Yirais wrote its not always so simple even when knowing all of the above. I think that the more we review it before a attack not during the easier it is to have a influence on us.

Its all about מוח שליט על הלב aint so easy but very worthy!!!

KOP!!!!

You are right dd. That is not a strategy for an attack. That is my strategy at the very first sign of trouble. When in the midst of a real struggle more blunt force tactics are needed.

MBJ wrote:


I wrote this post 2.5 years ago. I was lookin at my 90 day chart obthe computer for the first time in a while and I saw I am now at 999 cumulative clean days. Tomorrow with G-d's help I will have had 1000 cumulative clean days in the last almost 3 years.
I know I had a bad string of falls recently that I am now starting to climb out of, but 3 years ago I would have said that in 50 years I could have 1000 clean days not 3.
Now after 3 years I can say that I have the confidence in G-d to know that He will help me whenever I call upon Him.
Also my 4 digits of filth will have a 4 digit counterpart of sobriety. It seems surreal.

All I can say is Thank You RBS"O. Thank you for the awakening. Thank you for my situation. Thank you for Your strength. Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me, holding me, protecting me, guiding me. I am truly nothingness, and only by Your Chessed am I a something.

Inspiring...

I had a fall last week. Just stupid stupid stupid stuff. I should know better by now.

Been clean since then b"H.

My marriage is a strange thing. So beautiful and yet completely the opposite of what my lust fantasies would dictate. Oddly enough that is exactly what I need. Of course. The real miracle is that I can see that it is exactly what I need. (At least most of the time.)