Amazing. I fell like 20 minutes ago, and I'm already ready to start anew. One sly cookie, this Yetzer Horah. Now he's letting me start with renewed vigor again, but only until I reach deep into my count. Then he'll pounce on me again with the fierceness of a lion. Oh, well. See you again in 30 days from now. Only, then I hope to get some big-time retribution.

Okay, I pm'ed you.
What's the verdict -- slip or fall?
Fall, heh?
Turns out, not only do I consider it a fall, but It's a fall by all accounts.

Check your PM.

Please don't judge the scenario on your own.

2B

Day 1!:

What most amuses me about my current situation is that soon after I fell, my evil inclination whispered to me, "Hey, buddy, you already fell and you're starting anew tomorrow. Might as well 'chop arein' and go see the real hardcore stuff and indulge, so you will be, ahem, satisfied for a longer period of time!"
(So, yeah, at first it seemed like the menuval will let me be for some time. But, no, he obviously wasn't gonna pass up on a last ditch effort to ensnare me even more.)
NO WAY, YOU PATHETIC LOSER!
What was, was. But don't try to get me to think that since I am already on the ground, nothing will happen if I roll in the dirt. Guess what, smartaleck, I'll get dirtier.
Nice try...

Yup, it definitely feels as though the fall and subsequent rise has strengthened the bond between me and (this is special for you, Rage) Totty in shomayim...
Feels as though I didn't fall onto the ground but onto a trampoline.

shkoyach shmilu
good for you

There's a joke about "A" who comments at a wedding: "This is such a special wedding!"  "Why?" asks "B."  Responds "A": "Because it's their first!"  (All right, so it's not the funniest joke you ever heard!).

Shmilu, you can make this a very special fall by making it your last!  Having said that, put such lofty goals on the back burner.  Why not just take it one day at a time, set up various Gedarim, and get help from (and give help to) others?  

Day 2:

Time's moving along ever so slowly. Aaaaaarrrgh...

Day 3:
A Gmar Chasimah Tovah to 'gantz' Klal Yisroel b'chlal, and to the entire GYE family b'frat!

Day 5:

Moirai v'Raboisai:

I feel majorly weak and strong at the same time.
Weak in the sense that anything and everything triggers me today.
Yet strong in the sense that I find the strength to fight them off.
Feels extremely weird.

I'm afraid that sooner or later this strength will dissipate, and I'll be stuck with the triggers only -- and that is real dangerous territory.
I'm still looking for the 1st 16-18 days of my previous count, where I didn't lust at all.

IM TO-IRU VI-IM TI-ORERU ESS HA-AHAVA AD SHETECHPATZ

NOW IS IS THE TIME TO PUT YOUR HISORERUS INTO SOMETHING PRRACTICAL

SO IT DOES NOT FLY AWAY WHEN THE HISORERUS DISSAPATES

THIS IS  AN IMPORTANT YESOD

After a 3-months-too-long leave of absence, I'm back...

Shmilu wrote on 29 Dec 2009 18:02:


Welcome back, Shmilu!

That is messed up in the head!!!
I just picked a thread randomly which looked interesting, (and it was).
I just read through the whole thing.
Very freaky that the first post in 3 months was today.
It's very scary to watch your own life being played by someone else in slow motion.
It's mamish nuts. I see myself going through the same thought processes, same reactions to them, and same results.
If only I could really watch my own life from an outside perspective. I'd be able to see the lies he tells me.

Reb Shmeel, I see what your going through, because through you I realize what's happening to me.

So I'll tell you what I told myself: There's the understanding (d'haynu, the feeling, and the perception of what's going on with you) and there's the actions (the things you do, say, speak, consciously think, look at etc.). You control the actions in a very direct way, but not the understanding. The understanding can go hay-wire, it can pull all kinds of tricks on you, it can show you things that don't really exist.
The undrestanding is a very cool experience. But you can't let your actions be taluy on it. Because when it goes hay-wire (and it undoubtedly will at some point or another, no matter who you are), you don't want it to take you along.
YOU HAVE TO BE ABOVE YOUR OWN SECHEL!! YOU DECIDE WHEN TO LISTEN TO IT, AND NOT THE OPPOSITE!! THE WAY YOU FEEL IS NOT ABSOLUTE TRUTH, SO IT SHOULD NOT BE GIVEN THE RIGHT TO DETERMINE THINGS WHICH NEED TO BE PRECISE, LIKE YOUR ADHERENCE TO THE TORAH HAKEDOSHAH!!!!
I notice that even when you have hard days, you still come out with the strong will to go on - IF your in a good outlook mood.
Whereas even if you have a great day, if your in a negative mood - you are sapped of all cheishek to go on, and usually a fall is soon to follow.
That's his most common mehalach to a person. Through making him lose cheshek. So naturally, the first place to block up is his most common entry.
Make a point to be who you want to be - DAVKA when you have no cheshek.
Gradually, you can even make a habit of this, and it requires much less effort than it will initially.

BE STRONG, AND HANG IN THERE!!!

KG