Sorry, but I don't recall what that situation exactly was, Eli. Did you post about it before? I am asking because the 'sitting duck' is the guy who keeps trying the same tools as before...the main tool we have is 'working it out in the comfort of our own mind'. It's the most common tool used, for it is the most comfortable. If you really want to be free this time, keep going the way you have started recently. Open up, man...no shame lives here.

I didn't go into details last time.

Last time my wife was out of town, I had an old smart phone and unfiltered computer from work at my disposal at home temporarily.

This time my wife is out of town again but I will not be taking the computer home (and the smart phone is no more)

not so random thought...

y'know why I like Purim?

Because so many drunk people are honest

Maybe that's why I would always cry my brains out

In vino veritas.

נכנס יין יצא סוד

reallygettingthere wrote:


BH I got through this without feeling an urge to put myself in a situation that would cause me to fall (taking home a work computer when my wife was away)

It seems to me that being part of this group and doing the 90 day chart was a major motivation. Call it what you want mitzvah goreres mitzvah, objects in motion... whatever, either way I found it to be a source of chizuk.

Although I am on my second attempt at the 90 climb, the previous clean stretch as 75 days. The last time I made it 75 days was right after I got married 13 years ago.

My biggest challenge I had recently was motivating myself enough to start the 90 climb again after I had fallen. (it was a big challenge)

May Hashem grant all of us the clarity of thought and the desire for honesty that will enable us to divest ourselves of destructive behavior and embrace him back (he already is embracing us)

Eli

reallygettingthere wrote:

Baruch HaShem! This is indeed a victory to celebrate, and a habit that will become your primary one as you make it to 90 days surrendered.

reallygettingthere wrote:

I can imagine and truly feel your pain in that struggle. I myself have not even made it to 75 (but with His help as I surrender and am rigorously honest with others, it will be much more than that!) But it takes an incredible amount of humility, courage and boldness to keep going. This reminds me of the beautiful parable from the Ba'al Hasulam that was sent in a Chizuk e-mail not too long ago:

"A king once had a good friend whom he hadn't seen in many years. When this friend finally returned, the king was so happy to see him that he told his treasurer to take his friend - who happened to be a pauper - to the royal treasury, and to give him one hour to take as much money as he wanted! So they brought him into the treasury and gave him a bag, which the poor man proceeded to fill with gold coins until the bag could hold no more. Full of gratitude and happiness, the poor man began to leave, but as soon as he stepped out of the door, the guards gave the bag a big kick and all the coins spilled onto the floor. The man was distraught, but he looked at his watch and saw that he had still had plenty of time until his hour was up, so he quickly returned to the treasury and began to refill the bag with coins. But when it was full and he tried to leave, once again the guards gave the bag a big kick and everything went flying. The man was at his wits end, but seeing that he still had more time, he refused to give up and he went back in and tried to fill the bag yet again.

But the same scenario repeated itself over and over. The guards kept kicking the bag of coins and causing everything to spill, until the poor man was sure that he was simply wasting him time.

Finally the hour was up, and the guards dragged the poor man out of the room with his bag barely half full.

But suddenly, the poor man looks up and he sees a wagon over loaded with gold coins standing before him. And as he stands there wondering for whom all that money is intended, he sees the king coming to greet him with a big smile. And the king tells him that the entire wagon load of gold coins belongs to him, explaining that he had commanded the guards to make him lose his coins each time, so that he would manage to gather up so much more in the one hour that he had!"
reallygettingthere wrote:

Amen v'amen!

Elior,

Thank you for the chizuk. Great Story.

Eli

reallygettingthere wrote:


That was one of the main reasons that I hadn't gotten drunk of Purim for many years. I was afraid of what I might say or do, that my Yetzer Hara would take advantage of my lax defenses. This past year I was 2-3 months into really fighting though I hadn't yet joined GYE and I got drunk. B"H I didn't let anything slip and didn't even have any herhurim.

Just to clarify I wasn't afraid of being honest with people who I should be (ie wife because I'm not married yet). I was afraid of being honest with random people in the street.

Or maybe I was just afraid to find out for myself what I would say or do with relaxed defenses.

As far as I know I've never said anything that I regret on Purim when I was drunk. It's always an uplifting experience for me.(Although one year my roommate had to clean up my barf and that I do regret)

The crying is usually about something in the Avodas Hashem department.

(I have a vague recollection of starting to cry one year and my wife saying, "ok, now he's really drunk, he started crying")

This year ever things will be different. Multiple changes in my life... work, learning, health and of couse dealing with my lust adiction... I'll let you know in a couple of weeks how Purim went

Eli

Purim is in a couple of weeks where you live?!

Me: "Honey, pack the suitcase!! We are visiting the klezmer band guy for a little while! And bring the Woodford!"

The wife: "Sounds like someone started drinking too ear;y this year, dear."

I have a couple of kids. For them, Purim planning is like voting in Chicago

plan early and plan often

Good Shabbos

Eli

Dov, just wanted to say that your post above made me squirt milk out of my nose...


...and that's while I was drinking ginger ale

reallygettingthere wrote:


My son was describing his sinister super duper megillah reading noise-maker during the Friday night seudah. A mad scientist.


On a more serious note, I began a regular exercise regemin recently and... I'm sure it's doing something

Pre-Purim weight loss program ad:

"Go from a jolly, goofy Achashveirosh to a lean, mean Haman in three short weeks, with our HaKEO (hashseeyah kados - ein oneis) program! With our HaKEO (vomiting) program, you will lose so much weight, so quickly, that you will need to cut your tfillin straps shorter than ever!"

Oy vei...maybe vomiting isn't something to bring up on an addiction website...but it's Purim, man. C'mon...