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My Story - Reallygettingthere
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: My Story - Reallygettingthere 46675 Views

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 07 Jul 2015 21:47 #258936

  • reallygettingthere
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Thank you Hashem for another clean day
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 03 Aug 2015 13:57 #260721

  • cordnoy
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Dov wrote:
Unfortunately, we are all so very strongly encouraged by the 'party line' to play ben-Torah as soon as we begin to play Derech Eretz well enough. The yeshivos and rabbonim do it - and they should! For that's OK for normals. Being a pretend-mentch is definitely good enough for regular Jews (the overwhelming majority). What - are we supposed to only allow tocho-kebaro people into the Beis Midrash like Rabban Gamliel? But when we addicts try to do that, it is a catastrophe. We recover by getting a gift of some real haracter, some real integrity, some real emunah, and some real loving. Otherwise, as long as we don't really have any of that we can be totally frum to all appearances (even our own) and our drug of choice runs the show. I know this, because in my addiction I am incredibly pathetic.

So for those who are digging their way out, I pray we do not see some relief from sex with ourselves and porn use...and then run to fantasy religiosity right away. For it will not be real yet. If I learned anything from recovery as a frum Jew, it is that the yiddishkeit I practiced as a flaming hypocritical lying and hiding addict cannot possibly be the exact same yiddishkeit I practice in recovery. It just can't.

If it is - if the Teshuvah feels the same, the davening feels the same, and the ben odom lachaveiro feels the same...then my sick motivations are also the same. It cannot work. And my very yiddishkeit will draw me inexorably back into porn, resentment, pride, masturbation, and all the old garbage, eventually. It collapses under it's own weight.

Was that too cynical for public consumption?


For public consumption....Yes; for an addict like myself.....No!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 11 Aug 2015 02:23 #261402

  • reallygettingthere
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You really did read through the whole thread
Roy in the SA White Book noted that we frequently prayed and it did not work...because the best we could muster was begging G-d to "Please take it away, so I will not have to give it up!

No amount of sobriety can cure the insanity -ChaimCharlie

The emmes hurts but fake chizzuk will hurt more -Bards

Remember, best block, no be there - Mr. Miyagi

Re: My Story - Reallygettingthere 11 Aug 2015 02:29 #261404

  • cordnoy
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reallygettingthere wrote:
You really did read through the whole thread


I definitely tried to do it again, but I don't think I completed it.
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads:
GYE Handbook | Gibbor's Insights | GYE FAQ - Thanks Skep and DMS123456789 White Book | Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous)

If one gives up at the first sign of a struggle, he is really not ready to be successful."
"Tryin' and doin' are two different thin's - tryin' is hopin'; doin' is succeedin'.
"The right thin' to do and the hard thin' to do are usually the same."


Disclaimer: I am not a cheerleader; B"H, there are many on the site. I am here to change myself, and with God's help, by some mistake, I might even help change others.

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.
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