Dov great stuff as always, your comments help me understand myself and how to have a great life, (I generally do have a great time - life is mostly fun)

some_guy I suggest to you find as many posts by Dov as your time allows. Dov's advice is very fundamental to how you need to change your thinking

Today is day 1.

Good! That's good enough and should always be good enough. Today is the best day to be clean of all and always will be.

Hi Dov,

a gut voch!

if you dont mind, please can you do some more explaining on what IS the right approach / belief.

thanks.

Today is day one.

T'chila L'mikraei kodesh

You will be successful :-)

Dont wrote on 13 Oct 2012 19:45:
No. Cuz there is no single right way and certainly what is 100% right for me may be 100% wrong for you. All I can do is share what works for me and the people who have shared with me. I'm an addict. Chances are that you are probably not, simply becs most people are not addicts. Most people - frum yidden or goyim - simply like the way orgasm and porn/fantasy feels. It feels great, exhilarating, and is so sweet, why stop? Seriously.

Saying "because it's assur" is silly - if that was enough motivation for you and me, then we probably would have stopped long ago.

So. The answer to your question really depends on exactly what you are doing that is 'the problem'. What habitual actions are you taking that are upsetting you or causing you trouble? If you can detail that, either here or by PM, or on the phone, then the next steps may be a lot easier to see.

Hatzlocha!

- Dov

I fell today.

But you also got up

סומך ה' לכל הנופלים וזוקף לכל הכפופים

"Hashem supports all who fall and straightens out all who are bent out of shape."

Hatzlacha

MT

I fell again today. I have been really depressed about my falls to the point of being a little suisidal.

Kill yourself because you hurt yourself? Not very sensible...but feelings often are a little goofy. Nu. Do Teshuvah by asking your G-d to forgive you and help you stay clean the rest of this day. And then decide what you are willing to do to stay clean today - and what is not really worth the trouble to you. Is it too much to ask yourself to open up to another person explicitly about what you are tempted to do, about how many times and when you did that before and about exactly when the last time was that you did it? To follow the advice of Rav Elimelech of Lizhensk and keep such a safe friend available daily or even more often, to keep opening up to and help you let go of the 'opportunities'?

Or is that just too 'shameful'?

Is it worse than killing yourself? I think not...

But if to you it is worse, then I hope you can step back, take a little vacation from the insane self-centered self-beating, and see how plainly stupid that feeling is.

For those who have opened up - all of them - know the calm that comes with letting out 'the big dirty secret' we senselessly carry around with us. They know how much easier it becomes to stay free of our chains after we do that - if we keep doing it.

You are not a poor, tragic, star-crossed figure. You are probably just a guy who likes the feeling fantasy and orgasm give him and have a hard time letting it go. So?

You are not alone, and many have freedom one day at a time and are doing well. Life is good.

Hatzlocha!

some_guy wrote on 17 Oct 2012 23:15:


If you have actually planned how to do it you may wish to head to the closest emergency room and talk to a social worker.

Perhaps is this feeling truly precious, the feeling "I can't go on like this, there must be another way." Broken, helpless, but not hopeless are you. There is hope in your honesty, that's what you got. That was really important to me, that I am honest about my fall - it is really, really hard to come here and write: I fell. And you did that and it is really really hard to honestly say: I am helpless.
I think it is good to cry, because there is hope in that, because in our tears we pray to Hashem.

After that moment I felt, that I could still do a mitzvah. That there is a meaning to my life. Just one mitzvah I could do, an act of chessed.

And then you see, there is meaning, Hashem gave us the ability to be a Mensch, to live, to love, to be free. And then the sky brightens, you're still not yourself, but you can smile.

And then of course is when, the daily routine comes back in. Yes, with all our sick middos, but hey: there is another way.

Sorry to sound poetic, but in the face of death I always allow myself a little poetry. ;D Hm, I use it when I fall hard, since I get the same feeling.

You are not alone.

Love
-Michael

There is nothing more precious to me than my self-honesty, which I have little of. And self-honesty leads me to love. I can feel no true love and give no true love without it. You are so right - hope is a beautiful thing Yehoshua, and your love comes through that post. I hope some_guy hears you and believes you, and moves on. Thanks, friend.