Hello to all. Day6 today Baruch Hashem. How good is it to enter Rosh Hashana with siyata dishmaya on a good clean streak ( for me it is quite a bit). Im trying to get into the correct mindset for yom hadin but there is still much work to be done. I will think carefully over Rosh Hashona for a kabola which I can take on for the year which will be both helpful in this struggle yet at the smae time posssible to keep.ANy suggestions? My Kabola for elul was no goyish music and no youtube which were successful besides for one tiny slip with youtube. I only realise how much now goyish music can sway your soul. This morning I got a lift with someone and a goyish song was playing on his radio - I could already feel the fires of my neshoma - which were inspired by a good erev Rosh Hashona davening - being doused by the words and tunes. I also have had great siyata dishmaya with the kabola - shortly after taking it on I discovered an application for Ipad form yehsivaworldnews for Jewish music - YWN radio which has helped to replace the void and has only been helpful.

L'shanah tovah tikatevu v'taihatemu!

Hello everyone. Baruch Hashem day 9 today. Its scary yet uplifting to be at this point. Rosh HAshona was powerful and clean. I had a lot of time to think deeply and I feel that my relationship with Hashem has improved. Then of course there was the usual motsia Shabbos/yom tov drama that the yetzer had prepared. So instead of rushing off into the depths of the internet I watched an educational video on a scientific concept that I am interested in and that seemed to do the trick. On the down side Im still wasting way too much time playing mindless games and sleeping during the day which has to stop.

Im thinking about making a very technical kabola for this year that goes like this: If I am overpowered to fall then I must first jog for at least 30 minutes and then I can only go onto the internet at least 2 hours later(and it has to be at night) and fall as much as I want but for only 80 minutes. I will beezrat Hashem never have to make use of this but then again at least if chas veshalom it does happen I will waste minimal time and hopefully in the process be stopped. I don't know but tell me what you think of it - I have thought carefully about it and I will think more about it.

Anyways despite being a fast day today I have a hectic day coming up. Still trying to focus on the one day at a time idea - it seems to help out alot! Also I will be leaving for Yeshiva in Israel in just a few months which is really exciting ! but I still have a lot to get through. Then again one one day at a time.

Baruch Hashem say 10 today. It has not been a good day for shemiras eiynayim. I was strong at first but the yetzer kept sending more and more women and it wore me down. For now I surrender to Hashem and daven that he remove the strong feelings that hold me.

Just fell after 2 weeks clean. What makes it the worst is that it was 2 days before yom kipur. On the other hand it is comforting to know that it was 14 days of being clean - which for me is a lot. Some of the days really weren't so qualitatively good but others have been the best. It all started this morning sleeping tHrough shacharis and letting my mind wander. This afternoon I saw an inspiring graffiti messAge while driving which relates so much to our situation and it was clearly meant for me . It went like this: "AIDs has taught me to trust the process and live in the now" - so for now it's back to basics back to "trusting in the process that GYE has set forth. Tomorrow I know is going to be difficult and the yetzer will do his best to convince me to fall while it's still day 1 - unfortunately for him I will be " living in the now" -be it 5 minutes at a time if need be.

And you are two weeks ahead of a lot of other people. Keep up the good work.

I feel like just messing around on the web - no shmutz just messing around but once again that translated into yetzer hora language is either a)wasting time a lot of time tonight and feeling bad about it tomorrow or b)having me fall and all depressed before yom kipur. Not going to happen. Anyways thats all for now

The past few days have been rough and last night I fell. Today is a new day and it can be a great day. The GYE emails haven't been coming through lately . Maybe i need to resubscribe? Anyways one day at a time for now.

Baruch Hashem day 4 today. This morning I was feeling a bit down which I know is dangerous, so I begged Hshem today to give me true simcha nd to save me. So far thing are looking good. Iv got plenty of work to keep me busy and I dont have to go to sny triggering places today BH.