Hey yedid.
I don't have an answer to your question.
But, I can tell you that I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm still trying to figure out how to help myself to really start taking my reocvery seriously. Reading the attitudes and all of that is a good idea, and I'll try to incorporate it into MY life, as well.
Keep on trucking!

Ok Baruch Hashem tonight is night 3. Since monday morning things were very weak - I wasnt guardong my eyes and not learning well. Baruch Hashem at mincha this afternoon. I had a change in mindset to get back on track and keep going - it wasnt some sort of flash of inspiration but basically it feels so good now to be on track.

So I asked a question recently 2 days ago about focusing on struggle verse not making a big deal about it - havent got a answer yet but thank you to imgonnawin nevertheless.. ANyways

Tizkeh Lmitzvot

yedid_nefesh wrote on 10 Jun 2012 19:19:


When R' Yaakov Kaminetzky zt"l was staying in camp Torah Vodaas, a waiter asked him, "What would the Rosh Yeshiva like for breakfast? Cereal or eggs?" To which he replied, "I don't see what's the stirah (contradiction)." (i.e. why does it need to be either/or?)

Same here. I don't see the stirah. Aderaba! The more we are involved on this forum and the more we try to become determined to be clean and the more seriously we take this addiction, the more we will think about the struggle - and therefore, the more we will put up fences to avoid fighting the YH head on. The head on fight will only come if we are not vigilant and proactive in staying away from lustful sights and lustful thoughts. But if we are constantly on guard, we'll eventually find it a second instinct to just casually brush those thoughts and feelings aside as soon as they show up.

Maybe (or surely) different people have different perspectives, but I'm sharing what works for me.

Hatzlacha

MT

yedid_nefesh wrote on 10 Jun 2012 19:19:


Taking this Y"H head-on means looking at women, sitting at a computer when no one's around, picking up a mainstream magazine and saying I'll just read the articles, I'll just look at her but I won't take it any further, I'll sit here and resist the urge to surf.

Avoiding this Y"H is an active process. It means actively guarding my eyes in the street by closing them when necessary, turning away, crossing the street. It means shutting down the computer, getting up and walking away when I feel the urge to surf. It means not picking up the newspaper or magazine in the first place. It means davening at the first inkling of a lustful thought or desire. It means connecting with fellow strugglers here or in meetings.

This kind of active avoidance, active sobriety, is not the same as "countering the YH head-on." We're not staring down lust, but we are far from passive in our recovery strategy.

Yedid, how are you doing now?

Hey all, yesand yes thanks for the answers - they were insightful and something I need to keep in mind. So today is Baruch Hashem day 5 - the last few days have been up and down but no p* just pure timewasting (which no one can afford). So i was doing some schoolwork tonight and listening to the radio tonight at the same time ( not the station for a Ben Torah to put it nicely) and the emptiness of it inspired me - to try tonight go on GYE and learn some Torah BeH later and to of course ditch the radio. Weirdly enuf the desire to m* is nowhere in sigt but the desire to see women is still strong. ANd definately need to get on track with my learning and stick to schedule.. Thats my ramblings for tonight and heres a question:

Everytime when I read through the forums and email I feel inspired and all but its all just to overwhelming. There so many invaluable pieces of Torah, Mussar advice and its all to much to absorb. It brings to mind the saying of the Gemara "tafasta meruba lo tafasta" - basically if you grab to much you get nothing. SHould I rather read a couple of pieces and try absorb them or should I just read everything. Too much inspiration can be damaging. How do I find a balance? Thanks and have a great night/day.

Tizkeh Lemitzvot!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a Gemara (Shabbos 63a) 'ligmor inash vehodor lisbor'. I think this can be applied to your question as follows: You can first read alot, just to get fired up with enthusiasm; and then you can focus on one or two thoughts that seem to influence you most.

Hatzlacha

MT

I like MT's eitza.

It's important to have a basic game plan you're going to follow (shmiras eynayim, avoidance, etc). Put the work into honing your basic program. Walk away from here with inspiration and motivation. If an eitza clicks, by all means apply it. But never lose sight of the basics of sobriety -- complete abstinence from the drug.

Thanks Machshovo Tova - I think that should be my approach to dealing with all the chizuk. ANyway Baruch Hashem tonight is day 8. I cant say the weekend has been great but I broke the cycle that I got myself into for the last two weeks which is falling on Motzei Shabbos and missing Shacharit because of it. So this week is very busy and stressful for me - hopefully it will be only for the best by distracting me. Also in less than a week Im gong on a short vacation which is one of my big weak points. BUt Im going back to the place where i was MZ"L for the first time 3 years ago and if I remember correctly it was about the week of parshas korach. So yes, it will be interesting and I need a lot of Siyata Dishmaya.
Tizkeh Lemitzvot

Baruch Hashem day nine today. I learnt last night from the GYE attitudes that often our addiction may be linked to a serious character fall. I think that in my case it may procrastination. You see I get my school work done on time most of the time but I still leave things to the last minute which often causes unnecesary stress. So Im going to try be more productive and BH this afternoon I was more productive than I usualy would have been on a monday aftternoon. With siyata dishmaya that should continue tonight. Anyways
Tizkeh Lemitzvot

This particular character flaw, I can relate to big time.
I actually found that my fight got MUCH easier by focusing my taphsic on my responsibilities... with a small knas, say, $5. (Ex. off the computer 15 minutes before the seder, or pay $5.)
It's still a work in progress, but hey, that's the point.

Hatzlacha!
Meir

Hey all tonight is Baruch Hashem day 10! So last nite I did look at p* for about 25 minutes( i dont consider that arestart tom my count) and I dont want to go into how it happened.But anyways this morning I thought about the saying "today is the first day of the rest of your life" and it is actually a ridiculously powerful ideas. it has BH been an awesome day with good shemirat eiynayim - hardly any time wasting - now if I can only get into a cycle like this one my life would be at another level.One day at a time one day at a time with Siyata Dishmaya. Anyway Iv been consistently reading a lot of emails the past few days and I think some of the ideas and chizuk are atually going into me.
Tizkeh Lemitzvot!!!

Night 15 Baruch Hashem!
The weekend was shocking but night 15!
Hashem sent me chizuk tonight.
It rocks to be clean even though the weekend was shocking -but BH no internet so yeah!
Tizkeh Lemitzvot''!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I fell on monday night so its back to square one. Looking back , it was probably the result of having a weekend lacking ruchniyus. Anyway it was a multipple fall and its taken some time to get over it.I havent gotten depressed about it because it was a 15 day streak which is a fine achievement for me at the moment. So im really for now focusing on getting into a good cyycle of sticking to my Torah learning times set as well as being active with forums and emails.

Anyway today has seen some sucess Baruch Hashem. This morning I got out of the cycle of letting my eyes go for my one teacher which has been a thorn in my side for the last two weeks and thereafter I felt really good. The yetzer hora must have got quite irritated - he steered me into a place I would never have normally been in and I did for a couple of minutes let go of my eyes but Baruch Hashem Im back now. So
Tizkeh Lemitzvot

yedid_nefesh wrote on 27 Jun 2012 13:07:

Half a sentence removed, two sentences emphasized.
You are NEVER back to square one- just received a setback is all.

Hatzlacha in all your endeavors!
Meir
P.S. Reb Mottel is going to ask what you will do different this time. I'm giving you a heads up so you'll know what to answer him.