JJ, the key to the struggle is to realize that "sex is optional." As crazy and it sounds, this attitude really works.

As far as your wife getting tahor, tell her to ask her doctor about using Nuvaring instead of pills. It contains less hormones and many women have an easier time getting tahor while using Nuvaring.

Remember, fighting YH is like fighting a 7 foot, 300 pound gorilla in his rage with your bare hands. This is not your fight. Let Hashem handle this gorilla for you. He really doesn't need your help fighting. You just need to let go off the wheel and let the Eibishter drive.

Both Nesher and Elya are right but when the battle starts I can't focus well enough and control what I am doing, I just faze out and go onto automatic.
I have to get myself to control what I am doing at all times (automatic mode won't help) and then be able to surrender to Hashem.

thanx for your help
JJ

Dear JJ,

May I add that you need to control not only what you are doing, but also what you are thinking. "Sof maaseh bemachshovo techila". I once desperately browsed through many volumes of the Igros Kodesh by the Lubavitcher Rebbe zt"l, looking for advice on these struggles. I found that he consistently advised "Hesach Hadaas", to keep the mind occupied and away from lustful thoughts at all times.

Yes, it's not easy, so we must ask Hashem for his assistance.

קרוב ה' לכל קוראיו

MT

JJ, you must use Taphsic. It worked wonders for me: www.guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/the-taphsic-method-made-simple

I think Nesher has the right idea here. I know for me, the only thing that's keeping me clean (at this very moment, in fact) is that I have this shvua. It's worth giving it a try for a little bit.

OK i have just downloaded the Taphsic shavua and gonna get to work at it straight away, to see what thing(s) I have to do before a normal knas and what knas ammounts i can take upon myself.

thanx for all the support
bye for now JJ

2 days clean (on my second count)

JJ, if you are going to keep a count of your days, you gotta include all days (including the nonconsecutive days). You get every little bit of schus for every single day you don't fall regardless of whether they are consecutive or not. Every single day is a precious, stunning, brilliant and beautiful diamond that is yours to keep FOREVER. You never lose it.

The GYE Chart keeps count of your total clean days as well as your present clean streak. Sign up here: www.guardyoureyes.org/woh/signup.php

thanx BB I have already signed up before and I have accumulated 7 clean days

Very cool!
I found that the reason to keep count of consecutive days is that it would be a shame to loose that and start over (for me). But my original sobriety date is precious, too, because this is when I made a conscious decision to give this fight over to a Power Greater than me (even though at that point it was GYE I gave the fight over to). So the time lapsed from that date, even though it may be interrupted by an occasional fall, is precious and worthy of keeping track of.
Hatzlocho,
Mottel

What a fall!!

I am laughing (sadly) at myself that I had to search hard last "night" (3 am) to find something that triggered me and it wasn't even that good!

It started off on a business article in one of the finance sites and from there I just spiraled down, because of seeing an article (after the business one) where the fashion is up to (its up to wacky lewd things and please don't check it up I have fallen because of it) I just couldn't stop myself and searched for over a hour afterwards, going from bad to worse and eventually acting out!

Well, at least i have accumulated 9 days. I just don't seem to manage past a week!

And at least I know what i have to do:
1. Get the THaPHsic method going. I said I will but I haven't decided on the criteria yet! (going to work on it straight away I hope by tonight i will update my friends (posters) on GYE that i have a THaPHsic method in place)

2. Is to keep on moving (trucking) and not let myself down because of the fall

Bye for now and davening for success JJ

It's great that you have a plan and you know what to work on.
And, I can't say enough good things about taphsic. It's really great you're working with it.

Keep on trucking!

Life is like a bike:
When it's hard you know you're going up.

I wasn't by a computer for the past two days so I couldn't update that I have been thinking about a good THaPHsic nusach and finally got one and did it! I am now hoping to crack the 4 days which I haven't managed to do twice!

Bye for now JJ

Hatzlacha!!!