Shalom Aleichem,
I guess I'll start off with a short introduction. I've been looking on from the peripheries for some time now on the forum, so i guess i'll come off the sidelines. I come from a non-Frum background and am currently in college. I've had this yetzer hara now for a little more than 4 years (i'm 20 now) and things feel a bit stagnant, at least in this area. The longest streak I've had is a little over a month but my average is probably a little under a week. Other than just statistics, I've really been trying to work on myself rather than just do behavior modification. I do a cheshbon hanefesh each night, not just as i'm falling asleep but as a set aside time and I've been trying to monitor my thought processes overall.
But when push comes to shove it seems like things never last. I have K9 set up but i know that addresses actions, not internals. like one of the emails said, its like an alcoholic locking up the booze closet. it may work for a while but unless the person works to change
his mindset, he's doomed to fail eventually. so i've been trying to work on myself (hence the name
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
) but i always seem to lose focus after a week or so...
Some part of me wants to say that given that i'm on a secular college campus (no chances of me leaving, i've tried) and that because i'm still young, i.e. hormones are raging, i have an excuse. Heck, this might even be valid, but it doesn't get me out of doing Hashem's will. but that same part of me sees the next 3 or 4 years and says "how can last until your married?!" and "do you really think you can go forever without this?!" I see others on the forum work incredibly hard to fight these same issues but i'm struggling to find a the means to really develop my core. i want to put myself through the personality-developing crucible, i just dont know where to start.
So from here i guess the thread begins. I'm posting here as a form of reaching out, to de-isolate myself. i'm looking to get help (in addition to going to Him) and while I will probably be the one deriving most of the benefit from this thread, i can only hope that others can gain something from my struggle as well.
Hatzlocha and thanks for joining me on this journey.
-WorkingOnMe