Shalom Aleichem,

I guess I'll start off with a short introduction. I've been looking on from the peripheries for some time now on the forum, so i guess i'll come off the sidelines. I come from a non-Frum background and am currently in college. I've had this yetzer hara now for a little more than 4 years (i'm 20 now) and things feel a bit stagnant, at least in this area. The longest streak I've had is a little over a month but my average is probably a little under a week. Other than just statistics, I've really been trying to work on myself rather than just do behavior modification. I do a cheshbon hanefesh each night, not just as i'm falling asleep but as a set aside time and I've been trying to monitor my thought processes overall.

But when push comes to shove it seems like things never last. I have K9 set up but i know that addresses actions, not internals. like one of the emails said, its like an alcoholic locking up the booze closet. it may work for a while but unless the person works to change his mindset, he's doomed to fail eventually. so i've been trying to work on myself (hence the name  ) but i always seem to lose focus after a week or so...

Some part of me wants to say that given that i'm on a secular college campus (no chances of me leaving, i've tried) and that because i'm still young, i.e. hormones are raging, i have an excuse. Heck, this might even be valid, but it doesn't get me out of doing Hashem's will. but that same part of me sees the next 3 or 4 years and says "how can last until your married?!" and "do you really think you can go forever without this?!" I see others on the forum work incredibly hard to fight these same issues but i'm struggling to find a the means to really develop my core. i want to put myself through the personality-developing crucible, i just dont know where to start.

So from here i guess the thread begins. I'm posting here as a form of reaching out, to de-isolate myself. i'm looking to get help (in addition to going to Him) and while I will probably be the one deriving most of the benefit from this thread, i can only hope that others can gain something from my struggle as well.

Hatzlocha and thanks for joining me on this journey.

-WorkingOnMe

HI WOM, I'll give you a WOM... er I mean WARM WELCOME!  I can identify completely with your feelings because that is exactly how I felt at your age (I'm almost double your age now).  I "thought" that I was working on myself and learning mussar etc..., but in the end it was all really self-serving. 

The most important thing you said was that you are reaching out and getting out of isolation.  Coming here is a first step, but if you have not spoken to a real live human being, you are missing a great deal.  Speaking to real people has made the biggest difference for me.  I was nervous to do it at first, but it has turned out to be the turning point for me (and many others here), and the biggest blessing in the end.

Do you have anyone you can talk to?

gibbor120 wrote on 22 Mar 2012 16:09:


hey gibbor. thats probably my biggest issue. I have close friends but not really any that we ever talk about anything like this. I know this could be one huuuge step in fighting this battle but im holding myself back...probably because of shame, embarrassment etc. I went on the GUE main site to try and find a partner so hopefully something will pan out. If something doesnt work with that in the next few days, i'll try and find someone here on the forums...

This past week was not good for me. I was on break from school and because i dont have a beis medrash near me, i couldnt ever leave my house to go learn. I learned a decent amount (though it couldve been loads more) but my main issue was just being at home and cooped up. Heading back to school will certainly keep me busy with work and learning so that'll be good, but i will be doing some serious cheshbon hanefesh over the next few days to lay out a gameplan for the next time that i come home...

i'll work so that pesach preparation will keep me busy...

Hello and welcome.

I had a similar issue to yours. It sounds like a big problem your facing is that the entire society around you has completely normalized a behavior that you are trying to stop. This message seeps in and tries to convince you that its okay and what your "supposed" to be doing at your age, even if you know that's false.

For me, one thing was that the more I was pretty much around just them, the stronger the message. The same is true for the proper approach, the more I spent time in the beis medrash, around people who normalized the proper behavior, the more rational my mind became. If you don't have a beis nearby, you could try to see if there is any place where people sit and learn torah. Sometimes you would be surprised at how much there is around you in shuls or a hillel. Even live shiurim has a good positive impact.

Also, to increase your learning, you can download free audio shiurim and listen to them.

You're here 5 minutes and you're already posting about kishke... :D