so i'm clean for five days, i never did this before its my 3rd day on gye, but its not the first ti me  i'm trying to break clean, i never held a calender or a chasben but i think i had been clean for longer streaks, i used to leave a rake open like i will not go to that site but only this one i will not stop for now - it was to hard to promise to stop everything at once, this is the first time i stop everything and for five days i did not even check cnn or drudge, but it is vary hard i find that i am thinking and dreaming much more about sex then before i stopped every time i am alone i have to struggle not to ma... like never before.
one more issue i feel like i have no control when i walk in the street i used cant keep my eyes down scary!!
this is for now

Hi T2C! WELCOME!  Yes, it's very difficult in the beginning, but it gets easier, I promise.  Stick around and find your way.  Many people have been in your situation and many have changed!

Welcome new chaver!

I commend you on your attempt to change, to break free from the chains of internet depravity and sex with self.

I am struck with how very challenging you are finding it and I completely relate.  But I'm a little concerned.  It sounds like you are addicted.  That would mean you are an addict.  A lust addict.  Only you can decide if this is true, though. (You may want to take this simple test: www.sa.org/test.php)

If you decide that you are indeed an addict, then while trying to quit P&M is commendable, it will probably not be enough.  Because we are addicted to something larger, that P&M is just a part of.  The lust drug can be had in many ways.  We get a dose every time we entertain lustful thoughts and fantasies.  Every time we lay eyes on a woman (unless we absolutely must speak with her, and even then, we are davening internally that we see only the person, not a lust trigger.)

So in order to truly break free, we need to abstain completely from all forms of lust.  Otherwise it's like a vodka alcoholic switching to beer.  He's still the same alcoholic, he just thinks things are different now.

When you cut off the supply from one area, as you have, the craving will intensify in the areas you have left open.  This is why you are "thinking and dreaming much more about sex than before."

To break free from lust, we must cut off all our suppliers.  Practically speaking, this means

1. Extreme shmiras eynayim in all settings.  No women, no part of them.

2. Guarding of the mind against fantasies and mentally stored images.  To do this, I turn to Hashem with tefilah, every time I detect a lustful thought approaching, and every time I'm tempted to act out in any way.
Here's the tefilah I use:

"Ribbono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only you can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust.  I don't want to lust, I only want You and a relationship  with You and Your Torah, and appropriate attraction to my wife.  Take my lust.  Please, take my lust"  (You might leave out the wife part if you're single)

Do some reading here every day.  Learn and grow.  Pick up some new good habits and hobbies.  Exercise.

This will get you into recovery.  There's still work to do on yourself once you're sober.  Let me know when you're there and we'll talk.

Hatzlocha!
Alex

alex i dont know if i am addicted probably yes but i have to give it a try maybe i can do it with out getting outside help, yes i am married and that does not make things easier, its easy said just cutoff looking at woman at all first i work with woman travel on the train or need to walk outside, i try to watch my eyes or what i think but then it just comes back to it, davening help at least it gives me a good feeling but it does not really take care of the problem, im trying the 90 days and will see how fare i can get. im scared and pained scared it will not work pained from finding out how hard it is.

It will get easier over time.  One step at a time.  If you are an addict, raw willpower will only last so long.  At some point you will realize (hopefully) that you need recovery.  We're here for you.

Take a look at post 933 from today's chizzuk email:

933. Tuesday ~ 28 Teves, 5771 ~ January 4, 2010

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/GUEList/GUEList19.asp

thank you, so looks like i have a lot of thinking to do. thanks again

you can definitely pull off long streaks with sheer willpower but that's called white knuckling. It's important to open up and speak to people who are just like you.

Welcome!
This GYE business is pure gold for people like me and you. Completely relate to struggling with keeping my eyes off the people on the street. It used to bring me to tears that I "can't look"! It got a little better...
Stay with us and use this site to your advantage, it's got a ton of tools to aid in recovery.
Mottel

ok so now its 6 days B"H it feels great

b"h one more day and it was much easier

Shteig on bro!
One day at a time.
Have a wonderful Shabbos

I found it very helpful to share my daily struggles with trusted people. When I relate in detail what was difficult for me, then the issue doesn't have a strong hold on me, that it would otherwise, if I let it linger in the back of my mind.
Other then strong-willing it, are you taking any proactive steps to beat this addiction?
Gut Shabbos,
Mottel

B"H so now im up to 10 days, i was afraid from shabbes and Sunday that are usually the hard days b"h its monday now and i was at my best 

Wow!  Ten days.  Look back.  there's no way you could have done this by yourself.  Keep thanking Hashem. Keep asking Him to help you get through just today.  Please, do not keep your eye on the 90 day thing.  for sure there's the good feeling of accomplishment.  But the ninety day thing  is not the goal.  Today is the goal.  forever.

Hatzlocho and welcome.