Here goes. I  started the ninety day journey almost two weeks ago and fell this past week. So I have started again. I fell when I was confronted with a stressfull situation. The details aren't necessary but it seems that I am most at risk when I get stressed. Which happens approximately once every two weeks. I am currently in Yeshiva, learning full time, and every time I slip I feel like the spirituality is sucked out of me. I feel like everything I've been working for is gone. Like I' m running on empty. Ironically, the more I fail, the more desensitized I become to failure. I end up becoming used to the failure, so it affects me less. I can daven the next day, not because I realize that it's ok to fail, but becaues failure becomes part of my life. I 've never made it past ninety days in my life, and I'm attempting to for the second time now. So here goes round two.
I just finished day three. I feel that G-d sends me a stress test at around day ten -eleven. I 've been keeping track of my patterns and I slip up every two weeks because that's when I get stressed. If i can beat the stress I feel like I can beat this.

How do you intend to "beat" the stress?

talking to friends often helps, both for stress and lust.

possibly exericse. not really sure though. i've tried some breathing techniques that can calm me down. I made a commitment that if i feel i'm going to slip that I have to do some streches first. That may calm down the stress. It's hard to do it bshas maasa. I do need some suggestions regarding that. I honestly don't feel comfortable yet talking to friends or an advisor about this problem. I've kept it under wraps for so long that I just don't think I can talk to anyone face to face about it. The lust and its results that is.

chizukmachine wrote on 30 Dec 2011 03:08:

?אם לא עכשיו אימתי

chizukmachine wrote on 30 Dec 2011 03:08:

Don't wait until you feel comfortable or it may never happen.  Once you do it, you will feel a heavy burden lifted from your shoulders.  Chazak!

Chizuk,
i have two things that i hope will be helpful.
First, try focusing on your amazing achievement of the last few weeks, not the moments of emptiness.  You now have another two weeks clean.

Second, have you tried turning your stress over to Hashem?  Just say to Him,

"Hashem, I know you are sending me this test to show me how great I am, but I don't feel like I can do this alone.  Please take this test away.  If not that, then Hashem please pick me up and carry me through this.  And if not that, then Hashem please hold my hand and help me get through this.  I need your help.  I know I can do it, if only You will help me"

Is it possible that the stressful situation isn't meant to be overcome but rather handed over to Hashem?  Maybe the ikkur nisayon is to see whether you can say I am not yet strong enough to do this alone.
i hope this helps.
Hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
Have a great Shabbos,
chaimyakov

I have been clean now for nineteen days. i feel like it is getting increasingly more difficult rather then less. I expected that the longer I went without, the better and more succesful I would become. Instead, I feel like I am more and more filled with desire. The only difference is that each time I slip I added an extra geder or a few more, so now it is much more difficult practically for me to slip up. That's the only reason I have gone this long. I feel like I might slip up soon if granted the opportunity. I hope I don't, but I feel more spiritually distant than I did a week ago. Help!

Hey
dont know how you've made out
But the key I think is to stop worrying about the fall and the urge to limit the desires and the move to replace them with other emotions
get inovolved in a new project - something that you really enjoy
do some chesed
write a short story
The more you move towards the positive and just trying to prevent the inevitable the easier it will be
If you prepare yourself and tell yourself - ah yes - the urge to misbehave I was wondering when you bother me today - I am surprised it took you so long - if you expect it ( like an annoying little sibling or something) then you can more easily deal with it