Confidence wrote on 10 Dec 2011 23:06:
I wonder where all the Confidence has gone?

Shalom Chevra,
        yes, its been too long. I had a bit of a fall and found myself too ashamed and downtrodden to return. i was fooled into thinking my lust could provide solace for me. but i guess you can see from my return where the truth lies.

tryin to work the "one day at a time concept" back into my psyche. there seems to be a tremendous urge to just numb up the world around me so that  i needn't experience its pain. there has just been too much thrown at me that confine myself to my room for nearly 20/24 hours of the day. scary. its been nearly a full two weeks of this lifestyle. i've been in my room studyin, watching movies and falling. the only times i get out are minyanim and classes with an occasional break for fun/food.

hopefully with chanukah here I'll be able to turn the corner and just make it through another day.

i'm excited to grow and face my challenges but i think i'm gonna need a new pair of underwear before i can head back out to the world.

I always keep a box or two of new underwear handy, for just such an occasion, my friend. May your confidence in the greatness of Hashem who loves you more than anyone here can return to you just for today. That's good enough.

You are a geshmakeh yid, Mr!

what can be done when one isn't feeling chanukah at all? its hard for me to relate to the miraculous for some reason...

the best i can do is appreciate the miracle of nature and H's hand in history. but its hrd to relate to that which defies logic

found a few answers that spoke to me. i suppose indulging in the question, albeit without finding that which truly speaks to me still soothed my soul

Dear friend,
I will leave the theological questions to your Rav, or to anyone here who wants to tackle it.
For me, belief in Supernatural is not a big stretch (certainly not after being taken by the hand and brought to this forum by non other than Dov's Best Eternal Friend).
But as for falls and such things: falling is nothing. I remember times when habitual masturbation didn't even constitute a fall in my life, just "good times". So calling it a "fall" is a big step towards recovery in my book. The only caveat to keep in mind, though, is that calling it a "fall" in our head only will eventually loose its power and we'll return to just having a "good time", albeit compulsively and self-destructively.
So not only should one feel no shame in admitting a fall to others, it is THE only way out, if we are ever to beat this devil. And the sooner you admit it, the better are your chances of not doing it again.
Happy Chanuka, friend, and keep bringing your dirty laundry here: firstly, Dov can give you a clean pair out of his "emergency box"; secondly we are a safe bunch with a great healing potential.
Mottel 

You don't even have extra underwear - and you are concerned about 'not feeling Chanukah'?