I was to be in my day 32 but things got out of hand. The Yetser Hora manged to break my good streak. With two filters i penetrated some bad places. Don't know how to handle it . Today he is trying even harder to go back to my old place where i used to go.

L.H.
How did you make it to 30 days?
Build on your success.
k

JD,

Sounds like you're doing pretty solid.
Difficult this is!!
Good perspective, thanks for sharing.

Loynata,

Do you have your own thread?
I noticed your call for help when I was in crisis the a couple of nights ago.
Ok, you fell.
How do you handle it?
Talk to us about it.
You know his tricks, there is nothing to be ashamed about.
Just to move forward...

Sturggle

LOYNATA, we're here for you. You can do this. Getting back up after a fall is even harder than staying clean - but through that you bring Hashem down to the world even more!!

FORGET ABOUT YOURSELF! PROCLAIM HASHEM AS KING!!

Loynata,
We are all rooting for you!

im not sure why exactly (there were too many triggers today) but i had a rough day and night.  a day that was meant for teshuva was one of the harderst ive had in a long time.  a lot of nisyonos and i almost gave up a everything, a few times.  finally i realized i needed to daven, but its been really hard.  more to come tomorrow, but i needed to say that much soon

so i was having a really hard time, and it was doubly hard because i was upset that it was happening RIGHT after rosh hashana, on tzom gedalia.  finally, i realized, not once during the nisyonos did i say Hashem, help me please! i had completely forgotten how i had gotten as far as i did! He was showing me, im not done fighting, and i need HIS help.  i cant forget that! I must keep begging for His help, every day, or i have no chance!! i davened for help for teshuva everyday, but i must stop thinking the sur merah is over!  not in this world with the pritzus it has!

JD,

I'm sorry that it's been rough for you,
but I guess that's just the way it is.
As you said with the pritzus in this world...

Shkoyach for turning to Him,
may we all have that inspiration in the time of need.
Thanks for reminding me about that.

Sturggle

i am so upset at myself. i had a fall today.  i had been clean for 42 days, and things were going so great for me.  and coming out of yom kippur  no less.  i finally felt close to teshuva, finally life was making sense, and i screwed it all up in so many ways.  after trying for so long, my wife is pregnant, and my child could have been born with me being clean since he/she was conceived, but i screwed it up.  i wasted so much, for nothing.  i was having so much trouble all day, and i finally gave in and caved completely.  the day after yom kippur.  i feel  like the lowest of the low.  succos wont be the same, my life wont be, such a wasted opportunity, and i cant change it.  i would do anything to go back, i thought i was finally on track.  and its all gone for nothing.

There's no past. There's only today. Ani Ahyom Yeliditicha.

JD,
Hate to be blunt, but with that mehalech, you are going to fall again.

And that is what the YH wants.

Look at it this way.

Only once, bH.

Its still not:

'na'aseh loy keheter'

Still going to be a special baby with a father who is moser nefesh in a CRAZY world to stay true to our 3300 year old mission.

with you,

Kutan

JD,

"wasted so much"?
what? 42 days is still 42 days. bsha'a tova, a baby is still a baby.
you screwed up nothing.
sukkos and life wont be the same,
but they are going to be exactly what theyre meant to be.
you have the choice about what to do now,
how to act now.
where do you want to go back to?
we dont want you any other way.
we love you just as you are.
dirty from a fall or spic and span clean.

love you JD,

Sturggle

JD wrote on 29 Sep 2009 23:55:


JD, please do not depair - I believe you can get a reprieve, based on a remarkable insight of the Shelah HaKadosh.  Please see rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1037.msg21015#msg21015.

JD,

Ur an honest and you seem like your going to be a GR8 father,

Dont let the Yetzr Hara tell you your not gonna be, get back up and daven to hashem.

and 42 days! thats awesome the most ive done lately is 18

Keep it up

!

Please don't ever speak bad to yourself again for the rest of your life. Think of this as a continuum. You are committed to taking control and you have made GREAT progress. You have we point as we all do. You learnt a lesson about your weak points. Please try to learn something from this and move on.

The bali mussar teach that Teshuva is a trait. The avodah is to begin to devlop the trait. It is the trait of change. Once we we start to to change we are bali teshuva and G-d looks at us much more favorably. We merit the bessing of bali teshva. Also since Teshuva is a trait once we are on the road we will get VERY far as long as we try. It gets stronger within us as we progress and it takes on a life of its own.