I have been basically incognito for a while now.  After my fall after 10 days, the Yetzer had a strong grip on me, and I could barely get any streak together at all, let alone 3 days.  Finally, going into yesterday, I had 3 days, and things were feeling really good, and I had a fall.  But i felt a way I hadn't felt after my other falls.  I said I wasn't falling into his trap and giving up, I was going to start over, and quickly.  I realized that it had kept me from posting at all, and if there is one common factor among those who have reached 90 days, it is that no matter what level they were at, they were involved in the forums.  So i decided I would post right away, first thing this morning, and be involved.  I wouldn't wait for 3 days clean, I would be proactive in staying clean, starting day 1.  I also realized that I will post things that have helped me, and try and help people, even though I felt stupid doing this earlier.  How could I post things that helped me, when I am nothing, and can't stay clean for a few days in a row.  But i need to be involved.  And Bli Neder i will, and not sit back and wait for the next fall.  So today is Day 1, and I look forward to more discussions soon.

Jd,

I just started today as well...I can definitely identify with feeling like nothing compared to the huge Tzaddikim on this board....But I assure you, you and I are exactly where Hashem wants us to be. So lets take this journey together, and be mechazek each other along the way.

Wow, JD. I resonate so much with what you're saying... I am also just starting (again) today. And I think this time I around, like you said, I hope to really be involved here and that will give me a boost. It has helped me feel great throughout the day today, which I'm not taking for granted. Chazak chazak v'nischazek!

Struggle

Jd, it's very exciting to see that you've discovered the secret to success. The more you get involved the better. We're in middle of a war, so there's absolutely no time for getting down and depressed - we have to keep fighting. And I'll tell you a little secret: If we keep fighting, we are GUARANTEED to succeed!

CHAZAK VE'EMATZ!

Holy Brother JD

Please rephrase this sentence  or I will  report to moderator!!! > >  JOKE

Each persons struggle is different, for all i know your battle of one day could be worth one thousand clean days of mine- the main thing is to stick with GYE and see what will work for you.  perhaps you want to share more about the recent falls and maybe the Chabura Kadisha can help.
Secondly, you have a unique perspective that you only you can bring to the forum based on your own unique persona experience> its all about sharing what works for you or what didn't work for you.

JD"s experience is as valid as anyone's

POST AWAY!!!!!!

Fiery love to a great holy  hero of Israel

Noorah

You are never nothing wanting to stop is very holy also. also it could be sometimes beyond your control.
The Mai HaSheiloach in Parshas Pinchas writes that there are ten levels of self control people have over sexual temptation. The first is total control. The tenth is no control at all and the action is totally caused by Hashem  for his own reasons.  He writes that Zimeri had absolutely no control over himself. As addicts we have no control over ourselves after  arousal. That means Hashem can cause people to act out in CRAZY ways. Imagine a very chashiva yid being seen like that with a shicktza in PUBLIC, in the heart of Monre.

Very noble and honorable decision to post here a day after you fell! Post daily, no matter if you fell or not (if only somebody could teach us how to stick to that!). You are on the right path and dont let the falls take you down.

I will share an idea with you, and tell me what you think. Personally I am only on day 4, so this new type of "tactic" I am trying is not necessarily a good one. Still: whenever I was on a good streak I took all the credit for myself; thought myself really big and good ... and fell. Now I am trying to break down all this type of arrogance and let HaShem do all the work. I think this is what he is trying to teach me, to depend on Him and thus come closer towards him. I would nearly go as far as to say that the ONLY reason I am four days clean is because of HaShem.

Please, do not understand me wrong: I am not saying you are in this type of a situation. You just mentioned "things were feeling really good", and I thought that it sounded familiar.

And I agree completely with Noorah and the others! Keep posting!

Have a good day,
SO

Thank you everyone for your replies, they were all very helpful.  And Someone, I definitely agree that I have the problem of taking credit and thinking I "nipped it in the bud" after a clean streak.  That is for sure something i need to deal with better, that i don't just daven to Hashem for help, but also realize that He deserves the credit when things go well.

Today is the start of day 2, and B'ezras Hashem it will go as well as yesterday.  He gave me a Koach I haven't felt in a while, definitely not the day after a fall.  I have seen in many places, and i think Dov specifically that with the 12 steps you have to realize you're powerless and let G-d take over.  While in many nisyonos that helps, I think for me it is a little different (i could be missing the point entirely and this is for sure part of what they meant, i just wasn't getting it until yesterday).  I always thought of it as sit back and relax, Hashem Yilachem Lachem, and its easy street, you do nothing.  But I, and I assume everyone, needs to first (and continually) be Nachson ben Aminadav.  I need to prepare the "battle stations" and be ready, and when the nisayon comes, then Hashem takes over.  That is where all the handbooks come in, before the nisayon comes, which is the most important part.  And all the tips help too, for the start of some of the nisyonos, but when entrenched in a nisayon, nothing will help, except Hashem (not that He doesn't take care of everything else too).

I don't know if that rambling made sense, but it did for me.
Thank you for all the chizuk, it has been tremendous

Keep Posting and reading the daily chuzuk emails.

There is lots of good info on GUE to help you win the battle

Today is the start of day 3.  I bought The light of Ephraim which i saw recommended in a few places on the subject of shmiras habris, and started reading it yesterday. i need to remember that i need to do everything i possibly can to correct myself and work on this area, and when i do have a clean day, to thank Hashem and daven for continued success the next day.  the thoughts and nisyonos are still going fairly strong, but i look at them differently, i just try and sidestep the smaller ones, and say i'll deal with you later, and invariably i dont have to.  sometimes when the urges get a little stronger, i have to use some of the techniques, which is fine, that is what they are there for.  So Bezras Hashem, i will go through today clean, and i will visit the forums throughout that day to not lose focus.

Also, the system has changed slightly since i was last on the wall, and i need to log in to update myself, and it wont let me, and says the password is incorrect.  can anyone help me out?

The Light of Ephraim is a tremendously powerful read.

Great book...

Try to some everyday or at least every week

Your gonna do gr8 the main thing is not to get down on yourself!
:D

JD wrote on 18 Aug 2009 13:41:


Well said! This sounds like very solid advice.

KUTGW! 

Someone wrote on 19 Aug 2009 18:18:


Totally agree, well said! And your "rambling", JD, makes a lot of sense to me too!! Thanks for bringing more sense to the world, boy do we need it!!

Today is day 4.  During these last 3 days, i tried to post at the beginning of the day to start my day on the forum.  today i was on the road to start the day going to a meeting (which means im not in front of a computer, which is also good), so here i am now.  i have only been in the office for a few hours, but today has been great on the GYE front.  after reading in the daily email about kedusha's idea for the $90 motivation, i emailed guard about participating, and to make a long story short, B'H i will be a sponsor, and a sponsee to someone else.  also, guard convinced me to finally sign up for accountability software, and i signed up for web chaver.  it is very exciting, and i definitely feel that this journey is different from the past ones, and it feels great to be doing this around elul and rosh hashana.  i really really hope that this year's yomim noraim can actually be different.
BUT I MUST REMEMBER THIS TIME: im not done just because i feel good.  im on the journey, one day at a time, im not cured, its not finished.  i need to keep growing, improving and working in this area, and most of all daven to Hashem to help me.
-JD