Good for you JD! You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for reminding me of this important point!

Today is day 5, erev shabbos.  i am really looking forward to going into shabbos the cleanest i have felt in a while.  i also looking forward to learning shaarei teshuva, and more of the light of ephraim over shabbos.  i will bezras Hashem get through today clean, and get into Shabbos kodesh feeling great.
Kol tuv and Gut Shabbos

Hope you had a good Shabbos! How did it go? Congratulations on your day 5. KUTGW!

Today is day 9.  shabbos and the weekend went very well, B'H, and i look forward to advancing further.  Learning the light of ephraim has helped a lot, in that it goes into detail about exactly spiritually what happens when one commits this aveirah, and it is very scary.  everyone knows it is really bad, and creates bad things, but the extent of it is scary.  and while i am not dumb enough this time to think i am cured, the taavahs have calmed down alot from a week ago.  i need to keep improving. it struck me clearly erev shabbos while cleaning something that may have been obvious to many here.  we all know that for some of us, this nisayon might be our tafkid in life, being that we struggle with it the most.  and the same way we know that in life, spiritually, if you are standing still, you are falling, so too in shmiras habris.  it is great that i have 9 days, and it feels amazing, but i dont just need to stay clean day after day, i need to try and improve my shmiras einayim even further, and my machshovos further, and so on.  if it is true in all spiritually, kal vchomer in this most important of struggles

Ashrecha. Beautiful! The Attitude handbook discusses some of these ideas you mention... Ever get a chance to read it?

Yes, a little, but i definitely need to go through it many more times.

Today is day 10.  I finally got webchaver installed, and i feel like things keep moving in the right direction.  for me, it is important not to just feel that i am clean, but that i am at the same time improving.  the same initial excitement from a week ago isn't there, because that is how life, and yidishkeit can work, the initial spark from Hashem is a gift, the you need to assert more.  So everyday i need to actively improve, and then if chas v'shalom i have nisyonos, Hashem takes over.  By the way, for those who haven't read it, i personally really love the Light of Ephraim.  While much of the material is scary, it is very helpful to me. 

Yea the light of ephraim can be a little scary, but its elul , we must realize (I need to) and teshuva is now, In the book at the end iot mentions how to accomplish teshuva for this aveirah, The good thing about the book is that its EMES , and although it may be a little frightingin thats ok beacause YOU are looking for the truth and as the famous quote goes

"the truth hurts"

May you and all of us in klal yisroel search and find the truth in all aspects of our lives.

Been following your progress, watching you crush your y"h. You should be so proud of yourself!

Though at times you may feel like you are lacking that spark of excitement, know that this is only a temporary test. When you overcome it, the initial motivation will return, but in greater force.

Good luck with that! 

2B

I too am really inspired by your active efforts.
  In trying to be clean, the key is in the realm of action. Of course the realm of action is influence mostly by the realms of thought and emotion. Yet end of the day, my foremost goal lies in not doing an action that is unclean.
  So although it is crucial to work on the mind and change our perspective, one of the immediate steps we take to protect ourselves is in  directly preventing the action. 
  This is just a thought i have, but if it contains any truth than this is me sharing my highest compliments to your efforts!
If it's not true than...
  your doing awesome!

Thank you all so much for your chizuk, it is so amazingly helpful!  one of my earlier problems was not being involved enough on the forum, because it is so immensely important and helpful.  B'H today is day 11, which is my longest current streak (the chart has the wrong info, says i had a 17day streak) and it feels great.
Thank you all so much for continued support!

Thats great! Keep on going... The forum really DOES help Stay with us - through up and down - low and high.

JD-

You hit the nail on the head. The key here is not just to avoid acting out. It is crucial for us to improve internally withregard to our relationship with Hashem and with thers so that we do not need the lust as much.

Chazak Vematz. You are doing great!

Today is day 18, and i haven't actually posted in a few days, which i learned quickly i need to do.  lately, in the last couple of days, i have had really really strong urges, stronger than i've had in a while.  i also noticed this coincided with being more lax on the forum, not posting for about a week, and really not being involved at all.  i was reading the emails, but not being very proactive.
i realize with much clarity that this is a mistake.  this is the longest streak of clean days i have had since i can remember, but i can't get lazy with it.  at the beginning of this recent streak i realized that i needed to be more involved to keep growing, and then i got complacent again.
Bli neder, i will definitely try to post more, and discuss my struggles and try to help others.  even though i know that i have little to no knowledge, that is part of me getting better.  and when i stop being involved, the yetzer starts creeping back into my head and telling me to do things i didn't think about doing when i started my day on the forum.
so sorry Mr. yetzer, i will be back here more
(even as i'm typing this i feel better)

Good to hear something from you; I was a little worried about you there! Congratulations on your 18 days... nothing can take them from you!

Would you agree with me if I claimed that HaShem always wants us to come closer to him and therefore, no matter how many clean days we have behind us, we should always keep on working?  I believe the lack of constantly asking for help and praying to HaShem has many times sent me falling.

You are already helping others, your last post helped me!  :D