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On the Way to 90-Days

To sobriety and beyond!
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: To sobriety and beyond! 31796 Views

Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 00:41 #125598

  • ur-a-jew
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Mottel thanks for sharing that it was great and I can really relate. Ask yourself this question: same trip but your wife says that my office is giving me a $50,000 bonus for going on this trip. Would you be resentful?  You may say ask them how much are they giving if you stay for two weeks.  Now of course its unlikely that her work would say that but I'm pretty sure you would not have such negative feelings from the trip if they did.  Why is that?  Well 50 grand is 50 grand anyway you slice it and 50 grand is worth not masturbating for. Well our happiness, marriage and sanity are worth more than that. Just some food for thought. And add some buckwheat paste it will be delicious.
But now its time to get to work. Here is what I would do were I in your position. I would buy packs of post-it notes and write little love and appreciation notes and put one on every article of clothing she owns. If you have a private bathroom or place where the kids won't see or get to I would plaster the wall with a huge sign telling her how much you missed her. Then I would go into omottels kitchen and cook up a party. The works.  Then plan a nice dinner date maybe tell her you've planned a surprise because you miss and love her so much (and you see how Mich she really does when she is home) and block out the time taking into account the fact that the kids will be excited to see her.
You have lots of work to do. Who has time for porn. Hatzlacha
Help free Sholom Rubashkin by giving him the zechus of Shemiras Eiynayim.  www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2809.0
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 05:04 #125610

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they didnt promote u for nothing, you are a sage and its an honor to make an acquaintence
im off to work
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 07:25 #125612

  • 1daat
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Oy, baby duty.  I suppose you could spell that differently.  Mottic, all I remember is being totally p- off and taking it out on the kids and spending every spare second on p&m.  You are doing such a tough job.  All I can suggest is that when she does come home, you may want to just dump it all back on her and feel entitled to some goodies for yourself.  I suggest planning some time for her to be exhausted from her trip, and for you to keep on handling things by yourself for a while after she's back.  Tough, man, tough.  I am so glad mine are grown.  Hang in there. 

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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 14:18 #125632

  • gibbor120
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Great ideas UAJ!  Shalom bayis gold mine!
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 15:16 #125637

  • gevura shebyesod
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I'm sure this has been posted here before, but I think it's apropos here....

A man came home from work and found his three children outside,still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the house, he found an even bigger mess.A  lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.  In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bath room door. As he peered inside he found wet towels,scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled upin the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’
She again smiled and answered,‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?
’‘Yes,’ was his incredulous reply.
She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it."


So I second third fourth fifth (I lost count.....) what everyone has been saying here. Look at it as a huge opportunity to gain a new appreciation for what your wife does. And use it to strengthen the connection between you. And take advantage of the time this week to bond with the kids.

And I definitely know where you're coming from, when my wife would go out for the evening I would rush the kids into bed as fast as i could and then it was party time  :-[  ....

Hang in there and KOMT!!!!!

Gevura!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 17:23 #125656

  • gibbor120
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right, and if they dare come out of bed  >,  :-[
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 17:43 #125660

  • gevura shebyesod
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And don't even talk about the summertime, when I have the house all to myself all week....... I also for years had almost never gone to sleep alone without...... :-[

This past summer was different, and at the beginning i had a really hard time getting to sleep. I would stay up on GYE until i was passing out from exhaustion, i was afraid that when i got into bed i would slip back into the old ways.... With the help of Hashem and his messengers, the holy chevra here, I made it through clean.

Gevura!
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 17:45 #125661

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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obormottel wrote on 11 Nov 2011 16:59:

I suck on the phone. I have a thick accent, I am slow in my responses, and I generally just freeze and smile and nod my head, which is too bad 'cause you can't see it.


Rabboisai:

Do not believe a single word from this quote. It is either a lie or just .......!!!  > >


(Actually, the "you can't see it" quote may be true, after all!)  8)
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 21:26 #125730

  • obormottel
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Hey, be a gentleman, don't kiss and tell! >
I like 1daat's post the best, and the rest of you...I thought you were my friends and you keep telling me how I should start appreciating my wife?!
All kidding aside,
thanks a lot, chevra!
I woke up smiling, thinking what great G-d we have. All you have to do is ask, it seems.
On my personal side, it's tough. If not for meetings, postings, phone-calling, and davening I probably would not hold out.
But if I were sane? This single-father thing is not so bad. We had pizza last night (I made them eat at least one slice of wholewheat crust with toppings, before indulging on plain topingless), and polished it off with cookies and milk by the fireplace.
One of the kids woke up crying in the middle of the night, but I was able to calm him down, and the other came to sleep with me at 4am, but that was that! Just one more night to go!
Please G-d, I am powerless over lust and my life IS unmanageable. Only You can restore me to sanity, so do it already.
Thanks.
Mottel.
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 21:32 #125733

  • gibbor120
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Way to go!  Seems like you are feeling better.  Great! KUTGW! KOT!
Keep making things out of whole wheat and flax seed  8).
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 21:39 #125736

  • gevura shebyesod
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One night at a time!

BTW what is it about kids, they hate fleishigs and would rather eat pizza or lokshin-and-cheese. The only meat my kids will eat happily is hot dogs (and i'm not sure that actually qualifies as "meat").
!אנא עבדא דקודשא בריך הוא

וּבְיָדְךָ כֹּחַ וּגְבוּרָה וּבְיָדְךָ לְגַדֵּל וּלְחַזֵּק לַכֹּל


"If it would be so easy there wouldn't be a GYE, but if it would be impossible there also wouldn't be a GYE."
"Sometimes a hard decision leads to an easier outcome."
- General Grant


My story: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/111583-hello-my-friends
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 21:48 #125738

  • heuni memass
obormottel wrote on 16 Nov 2011 21:26:

Please G-d, I am powerless over lust and my life IS unmanageable. Only You can restore me to sanity, so do it already.


"Already"??!  never heard that one. Is that nusach Ar'i or ashknaz?
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 21:52 #125742

  • gibbor120
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;D
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 21:56 #125744

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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obormottel wrote on 16 Nov 2011 21:26:

.. and polished it off with cookies and milk by the fireplace.


oooohhhh!

Sound so ________ !!!

When can we all come over for some cookies & milk by the fireplace?
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Re: To sobriety and beyond! 16 Nov 2011 22:53 #125769

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Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 16 Nov 2011 21:39:

The only meat my kids will eat happily is hot dogs (and i'm not sure that actually qualifies as "meat").

It's hotdogs tonight (provided they eat the salad first, and I can find wholewheat buns).
BTW, I consider ketchup a vegetable, it's too bad a serving size is half-a-cup.
heuni memass wrote on 16 Nov 2011 21:48:

obormottel wrote on 16 Nov 2011 21:26:

Please G-d, I am powerless over lust and my life IS unmanageable. Only You can restore me to sanity, so do it already.


"Already"??!  never heard that one. Is that nusach Ar'i or ashknaz?

You ever see a litvak demanding? Of course it's Ari as interpreted by Baal Hatanya. Only chabadniks have the chutzpa to demand from G-d. Hey, I'm just a frail human being, if I wait for Him, I may wait forever.
Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 16 Nov 2011 21:56:

oooohhhh!

Sound so ________ !!!

When can we all come over for some cookies & milk by the fireplace?

The kitchen's opened now, but you have to bring your own fireplace.
Thanks for the love, everybody!
Baby steps.
If the road is pulling you down, it's a sign that you are going uphill, so just press harder on the gas!

Have a great day - unless, of course, you made other plans.
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