I didn't as much as entertained a thought of "defeating" my yetzer yesterday, but in retrospect it is amazing that almost 12 hours of almost non-stop recovery work would end up in a wet dream. My sponsor, of course, told me not to stress over it because dreams are meaningless...

Also dreamt last night, but awoke.  So weird, i almost never remember dreams but that miserable yh has kept reminding me all day long about it.  Each time i daven to Hashem to take the memory away, i don't want it.  Silly yh, when are you going to learn?  Go pick on someone who wants to fight back, it will be so much more fun for you.
hatzlacha in all things GOOD.
chaimyakov

Gut Yom Tov Mottel!!!!!!!

Ugh, I hate wet dreams and do not wish them on you of course, and really sympathize with you. But here is what I have been given on that:

I think it is a pretty much just silly pride for me to ever really buy the belief that a guy like me - no matter how much recovery work i ever do - really deserves to sleep free of wet dreams. I have viewed and used enough porn and fantasy and acted out plenty. I haven't the power - nor the responsibility - to get totally rid of the stash in my brain! I do not access it - but it is there, I guess, and that is OK! I have found that I can be sober (and often even happy) anyway! It is truly a brocha that I have not had a wet dream in something over ten years, I think...through no credit to me, of course.

When I feel vulnerable to one, I realize that the fear of it is the strongest cause of a wet dream that there can ever be (as is written in s'forim hk'), so I avoid saying cool segulos and complex incantations c"v...that stuff feels like plain old avodah zorah, for me. I like to depend on G-d, not on the words of tehillim incantations, etc., c"v. So I tell Him like this: "Dearest Tatty I am afraid of having a sexual dream tonight. I lusted so much in the past years months and days, and I do not fool myself to think I deserve any better and that is why I am depending on Your Chessed, which you have plenty of, I hear. And I tell Him that I trust Him and that I would be so happy if he would help me sleep with no lust tonight and then wake up refreshed and happy to be his imperfect kid.

And then I smile (seriously - that's very important. My best Friend is watching over me, what's there not to smile about?), lay down (on my side of course, cuz I am not an idiot) and trust Him 100% cuz fear while I am right in His face is just silly. He loves me to pieces even though I am a lust addict. Just as He loves everybody else, even though they are whatever they are. I like saying Adon Olam after that, preferably in my own words in English, then in Hebrew. It ends with the same idea as the above, exactly. Adom Olam is a sweet, beautiful gift from Him to me.

Gevura ShebYesod wrote on 27 Jan 2012 16:18:
Thanks for the wishes, but if you mean Yud SHvat that's still a week away (where I live, anyways).
It is a personal yomtov of sorts, though: Gimmel Shvat tzu mincha I saw the Lubavitcher Rebbe for the first time so many years ago. And the next day I entered yeshiva. So it is a special day to be sure. Amolige chassidim made a big deal out of the first time they entered the Rebbe's room for yechidus.
So gut yomtov!

I meant this:  ;D ;D ;D ;D

obormottel wrote on 25 Jan 2012 00:40:

That's funny! Thanks!
I actually told the guys in the meeting today that it's "6 Jewsih months", they all got a good laugh...

Gut Moed  ;D

Moadim l'simcha!

Hagim Uzmanim Lesason!!!!

MAZEL TOV!  You should have many more "Jewish" months of sobriety עד מאה ועשרים שנה One day at a time - chabibi!

Thanks!
One day at a time indeed. Yesterday there were a ton of triggering women on the streets of my city, and I must have been taking little "sips", because by mincha time I really felt like taking the matters into my own hands. There is this billboard all over town for a movie, and I was doing my best to avoid it in recent weeks, but yesterday evening I took a look...and the big-chested character on it...and I really took it in... :-[
I can't tell you how important the phonecalls have become...I called two guys and talked to them for some time and surrendered the beauty beast off the billboard and went to sleep without resorting to self-pleasuring. But it was a tough day...
And take a look at this copy of 90-day Chart Login Page:

Gender  [table][tr][td]male [/t]

Marriage Status  [table][tr][td]Married with Children[/t] On the chart  [table][tr][td]yes  [/t] Most Recent Longest Clean Streak (in days)  [table][tr][td]180 Days[table][tr][td][table][tr][td]Last Fall    [table][tr][td]  N/A  [/t][/t][/t][/t][/t] First Day Clean In Current Journey    [table][tr][td]Wednesday Aug 03, 2011  [/t] Level    [table][tr][td]8  [/t] Cumulative Days    [table][tr][td]180 Days  [/t] Current Streak    [table][tr][td]180 Days  [/t] Special date(that you reached 90)  Last Update  Monday Jan 30, 2012    how do you like them apples? [/t][/t][/t][/t][/t][/t]

[/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table][/td][/tr][/table]

I was expecting a megilla from Guard in regards to reaching 180 days but that's all I got:
Hi obormottel,
Congratulations on reaching level 8.
Nu-nu.

Megillos come either from Dov or HS

Mazel Tov and Keeeeeeeeeeeep on Truuuuuucking!!!!!!!!!

Gevura!

Here's your megillah .