How can things be looking up any more than a guy actually working recovery lemayseh instead of just talking about it?

My wife has told me many times that she knows that the best day in our marriage was the day I got sober - not the day we got married. And I acted out that very day....but it was the day I decided I would do anything to quit, even though I couldn't quit. Then I found the program, b"H, yom. yom.

Just to update the chevre (and the guy in my shul, who stopped saying hello to me after my post so that I can know for sure it's him. Nu.):
I am now 163 days clean from intentional looking at porn and masturbating. I prefer to be a sober addict, than an acting out "normal". Sorry if this scares you, but it doesn't scare me (anymore).
I've met two guys who I knew from "real life" in the last two SA meetings, and I was happy to see that other people are looking to take action against their dreadful desease. It wasn't awkward, if you're wondering (ok, maybe a little).
I called another frum friend who stopped coming to meetings lately, and what do you know? He was in middle of acting out when I called, but he stopped and took my call, and he will hopefully stay sober for the rest of the day.
I am really happy to feel Hashem's presence in my life, and He's there all the time.
That doesn't mean that my financial troubles went thataway. It just means that Hashem loves me and keeps me sober through all the tribulations. And if I was still acting out, I couldn't possibly handle the pressure, and would have done something really stupid by now (suicide not excluded).
I made staying sober a priority, and the rest of my life follows suit. Would be nice not to have to do it, of course, but this train has left the station over 25 years ago, and I got a lot of growing up to do.
Best of luck to all,
Mottel
P.S. Sorry for neglecting my kitchen. Hope you can get back to fried eggs three times a day untill I'm able to make you some mock burgers from buckwheat and garbanzos.

Thanks for checking in mottel.  It's really inspiring to read your stuff, especially when I go back to read some of your first posts.  You have really come a long way in a short time.  IY"H vaiter. KOT!

Hi Mottel, great to hear from you. You're doing wonderful!!

May you have Gezunt, Parnassah B'Revach, and Asach Yiddish Nachas!!!

have a great Shabbos and KOMT!!!!

Gevura!

As part of my recovery, I would like to make myself available to anyone who wants to talk on the phone. PM me for my cell number.

Mottel, dear:

You da man!!!!!!

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 24 Jan 2012 06:25:

I think I know why you say that... :

I talked to a guy in Israel this morning, met another one from accross the States last week, and actually had one "real recovering pervert" over for a Shabbos meal.
I also gave another frum friend a ride to SA meeting today.
I'm really getting a hang on this "reaching out" thing. I must say, it's not so terrible.

obormottel wrote on 24 Jan 2012 23:28:

Did he get a place card that read "recovering pervert" ;D ?

On a serious note, you really inspire me.

I think a place card like this would scare the kids, don't you?

Yes! But it's funny.

Ok, so get a load of this:
Yesterday I started the day by reaching out to a fellow struggler on the phone. I then gave another friend a ride to an SA meeting, we talked recovery on the way there and back, and I shared at the meeting as well. I then spent some time on the forum here, went to another SA meeting in the evening, where I shared as well, and then spent 45 minute ride home talking on the phone to yet another GYE member.
So you would think this was a pretty good punch I packed, right into my yetzer's chin?!
Guess what, I had an erotic dream last night! I was with the wife (which is about 50% of my erotic dreams; others are usually people I don't know).
So I woke up at 4am, thinking if I should wake up the wife to finish what we started, or just finish it by myself since I started it by myself anyways.
I did neither, and after some tossing and turning was able to fall back asleep.
But how do you like this? At one of the meetings yesterday someone said that while you're sleeping your Yetzer (he used an English word for it) is doing push ups next to your bed, so that when you wake up it's ready to go at it right away. My yetzer didn't even wait for me to wake up and I was sure I had him on the ropes yesterday!
Stay vigilant, my friends. Nothing's better than sobriety.

dov wrote on 25 Jan 2012 16:40:

it's only funny if you get the joke

obormottel wrote on 25 Jan 2012 16:44:


I hate when that happens > ....good for you that you kept in control!

There was someone in the Gemora that said "Geera B'eina d'Yetzer Hora" then he got in trouble.

KUTGW!!!!!!!

Gevura!

Yeah, the man got in serious trouble even though he was a tremendous talmid chochom. He acted as though he would love to beat the yetzer horas brains out, and that is religious fantasy and prideful lust. So he got a tough message in return. And besides, he was a great amorah (I don't think he was an tannah but someone here can probably  correct me on that...I think it was the amorah Rav Yosef) and certainly was not an addict, either.

For an addict like me, it isn't just religious fantasy and prideful, but it is just plain idiotic, cuz it does not work.