yep u got it.  ok i haven't fallen or slipped .. but i feel like i am getting close, so i need a sizeable slap in the face to keep me straight today  >

I needed to fall asleep at the wheel driving at 30 mph while acting out and wake up during the crash, estrange myself from my own wife and family for about ten years while they watched me from a distance, get threatened with divorce from my sweet wife, get kicked in the testicles by her, nearly get killed in another car accident, get terrified by the discovery that sex with my wife would never beat the porn out of my mind, spend many thousands of dollars, see three different shrinks who didn't help me at all - and three rabbis who helped me even less.

May Hashem spare you the really big slaps, and make the little ones feel a lot louder to you than they could feel (like the brocha that Chaza"l refer to in the eesa that fills the gut better, on the same morsel of bread)...this is an even bigger brocha. Really. Amen.

thanks Dov.

You really mean that?

yeah- i needed to remember that in the scheme of things Hashem really hasn't hit me hard at all; certainly not in proportion to the aveyras I've done, that's for sure.

Avinu sh'baShomayim is really Good. That's why He loves us so much to create all this for us. Gevalt. May we all have Chasodim megulim gemurim that we easily recognize every day, and never dinnim, at all.

Ciao!

So I made it to Shabos, almost.  But- I have to come clean and say that my level of addiction is so high and unceasing... I am watching a work TRAINING video (about as dry as you can imagine) and then I suddenly realize that i have (subconsciously?) rewound and in the distance is a cute female which i am rewatching and rewatching.  She is kindof out of view and nothing to do with subject matter... but i am focusing on her, someone who is not mine, does not belong to me, but she's there and nice to look at.  What;s the harm in that?  Well i play this little game in my head "ooh just looking, nothing wrong with that" but i know where it goes.  YH is very patient, he knows that if he does MINOR looking for a long time I will get used to that... and then he will up the ante ...

Anyway long story short, i am here just before Shabbos admitting in public my sneaky technique. Thanking you for reading and keeping me from escalating my behaviour.

> me -- starting again to

rontov wrote on 18 Nov 2011 04:10:


how u doing today? 

Had a good Shabbat - i wish we had a seperate area for the women - but good so far -

lol  Dov knows how to slap a guy in the face without raising a hand!! 

I never slap anyone in the face. All I do is take the slap I got in my own face that still stings and resounds - and transfer a bit of the sting and the noise to others who need it, if they want it. It's sharing the same slap I got.

Dov keep the slaps coming. 

Anyway, another thing everyone - keep off the goyishe tunes.  It is also addictive, poisonous and leads to you-know-what or at least improper surfing. A sweet delicious delicate s**y female voice which does not belong to me is a marital peace killer.  Although it seems like a delicious forbidden drink it does not satisfy and deprograms any good you've done through learning or davening. 

Just my theory - does not apply to those who are well-balanced or normal!

day 33!!  Been pretty good for the last few days, not a lot of distractions coming my way.

Happy "lag".  keep em coming.