TehillimZugger wrote on 21 Aug 2012 11:03:


Gonna miss you.

When is your next temporary visit?

Hello??? Do you hear me??

(He's gone? :'()


Oh well

MT

from the illustrious industrious TZ:

Thanks ZS/TZ for posting that. I noticed that great shtikel Ohr Hachayim on Shabbos and thought about sharing it.

Be'ezrat Hashem na'aseh venatzliach...

MT

Guess what people, I'm not any [visbly] closer to recovery than I was 1138 posts ago.
I masturbated to porn twice today and haven't learned "ah yiddish vort" in about a week.
I'm also not feeling well physically [which obviously aggravates the situation].

What in the world can I do?!
Nothing seems to be working for me.

Dear TZ,

Was sorry to read your honest post. At least you are fortunate that we stand now at the threshold of the new year. That should give you an incentive of starting a clean slate and making the new year a 'good and sweet' year. Start preparing to proclaim on R"H "Hayom Haras Olam!" - Today I am becoming a new person, and I am commited to keeping my 'new' life as clean as possible. And since it's still Elul, you can still cash in on Ani Ledodi Vedodi Li. Forget about your narishe falls, take some baby steps towards your Tateh in Himmel, make yourself a kvi'us for daily learning, make strong gedarim (and/or nedarim) to keep away from porny devices - and as Hashem promised: Pischu li pesach kechudo shel machat, va'ani eftach lachem kepischo shel ulam. As rabeinu Yonah (Shaarei Tshuva) reminds us, Hashem sent us messages through the Neviim informing us that He does not want us to stay down after we fall, rather He awaits our turning around and returning to Him. So don't let your YH tell you otherwise.

Looking forward to some positive-attitude posts from you, my dear friend.

Hatzlacha rabbah - and Refuah Shelaimah - beruchniyus uvgashmiyus,

MT

R' TZ,

Maybe you haven't yet hit bottom and given up? I say that cause that's the first step, it you say you feel you haven't gotten anywhere, than I guess you haven't gotten to this.
Ya know I also am still not completly sober and certainly not healed, but my life has gotten to the point where I know that I must somehow stop but I by myself simply cannot so Iv'e got a problem and need help. This is pretty much the extent of what I can do, anything more is fighting myself which hasn't and won't work.

Every attempt and failure is a stone in the wall of recovery, adding row upon row of powerlessness and dependence on Hashem. So if you are trying to stop and know you have a problem but haven't managed to fix it, then I guess you are working on getting to that first step.

But either way, I love you cause your'e a Jew and cause you have geshmak and weird posts.
Gut Yar,

Chaim

dear TZ, hang in there - failing is part of the process
jack

Maybe try reading Feeling Good by David Burns to convince yourself that people can change.

Teezee my friend,

I feel your disappointment.

You may not feel visibly closer but think of all the work you put in this past year. Even with the falls, every effort you make still is having an effect inside you. Hashem knows you're trying and he does not expect you to be perfect or you would have been made a Maloch. It definitely adds up Up There, and it will eventually have a visible effect down here as well.

Hang in there and keep on Rockin' and Truckin', and have a Gut Gebenched Yohr!

Gevura!

I feel like I am in the same place you are (minus the post count and the sobriety record).
I can say nothing except this IS a progress, falls notwithstanding, except that with the lust itself there never is progress. Dov said so- he is just as susceptible to a fall today. The progress is the general overview of life and how you live it, your relationships with Hashem and with people, and your ratio of clean to not clean.

So keep going! Rosh HaShona is here!!!!!!
Bibirchas Csivah VaChasimah Tovah!!!
Meir

TZ,
hang in there.
ps not everything is visible you know.

?דער באשעפער לאָווט מיך אייביג. וויפיל לאָוו איך עהם
To quote someone we all know and love.

Let me run a crazy idea by you. So I learned something when I very first started posting. Somebody told me to thank "H for having been put in jail, having fallen so hard that I lost pretty nearly everything--probation, kids, career, good name professionally, my name published in my professional journal for having committed a crime substantially related to my ability to practice. I was alone with an addiction running wild--and somebody is telling me to thank Him for all that? Really??? So I told them I thought that was nuts and he wrote back saying that he'd been through a lot of things like I had and every one turned out to be "the best thing that ever happened to him". I just sort of blew that off, put my head down and plowed ahead trying to get on with life and put the plug in the jug of P & M.

Fast forward a couple years. And I can tell you that that guy was absolutely right. What I did to myself, the messes I made the bottom I hit was, truly, "the best thing that ever happened to me". I can only say that looking back. And if, Ch'V I fall again, I hope you'll be there for me and give me chizuk too.

So the crazy idea I'm running by you is that somehow or other this is going to turn out to be a brocho, and strange as it may sound, what do you think about thanking "H for the fall? That you know there's something important and life changing that's inside this fall, and that you ask him to show that to you in a revealed way.

If that's a stupid and creepy idea, just toss it. Thought it might help a little.

So feeling like nothing works for you, asking what on earth you can do sounds like maybe you're in that horrible defeated place that the yh just loves us to be in. This might be the time that you really throw your hands up and just give up, once and for all and let him totally take over your recovery, day by day. Screw the number of posts! Every day we're dealing with this stupid addiction that can jump out of nowhere and grip us. "One day at a time" has been one of the most important things I've learned here. Hang on. dust yourself off. How could Hashem ever not be around such a tayereh Yid.

For G-d's sake, literally, for G-d's sake, keep on truckin.

Joel

Thanks to everyone for their replies, really thanks, I saw them when they were posted, didn't have two minutes to thank until now. I wish I can give a long response and all but I'm very busy in realville, or in lack of realville whatever, I'm still alive though, that's the main thing [and still clean, for whatever that's worth].

TehillimZugger wrote on 27 Sep 2012 22:25:



... That's worth more than anything!


KORAT!!!


Gevura!

Perhaps this belongs in Beis Medrash [and perhaps we'll quote it there], but I haven't been here in ages, so, hello everybody. If anyone's interested they can check up my hiydg status- I had a difficult day/ things weren't going my way/ no words to say/ describe the- hey, what am I doing?
Basically things aren't going according to plan, so I dug up a vort from the sefer Tehillos Maharitz [on... you guessed it! [b]Tehillim[/b]] that was languishing somewhere in my memory. The Vort goes something like this:
EhNew LaHashem B'Thodah, Zamru LeiElokeinu B'Chinor:
HaMechaseh Shamayim B'Avim, HaMeichin La'Aretz Matar:

What's the connection?

Thank hashem. WHHHHHHY? [We've discussed this already [url=http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=4579.msg133614#msg133614]here[/url]]
The answer is, it's a dreary day, yucky, cloudy overcast skies etc. etc. etc. Do you know what Hashem is doing?
HE'S PREPARING SUSTENANCE FOR THE WORLD!
He's doing y'all a favor, and we don't even notice, we're busy being grouchy about the weather.

So, explains Maharit"z Dushinski [the REAL Chief Rabbi, Zemmy ;)], it is with everything! After all, as a certain Chuna Feitel once said, Der Basheffer lufft mich EIBIG [see below for english translation]. He will NEVER do anything to wrong you, even if things seem cloudy, so
EhNew LaHashem B'Thodah, Zamru LeiElokeinu B'Chinor!