Rebbe Nisht, WELCOME!!

A perfect time to join as well! Use the Kedusha of Yom Kippur to inspire you to make real changes in your life ~ don't just let the Kedusha stay in the Shul on the holy day, bring it with you all year! Sign up for the daily emails, begin reading the handbook and attitude guide, and REALLY post in the forum as often as possible (and read others' threads, too).

All the best.

Welcome, brother Nisht! You've come to the right place and your courage of sharing is commendable.
So let's see:
You already have a filter installed.
You have an accountability partner (btw, is he on GYE?)
You set for yourself a fence in a way of knas in case of a fall.
You are watching your eyes on the street.
If I got it right, I say you have both feet in the door. That's awesome. Please read the GYE in the Nutshell referenced above and see where you're standing and what else you can do.
I'd say, definitely read both handbooks (the Steps and the Attitude) and sign up for daily emails. Reading them, as the name suggests, DAILY, has done wonders for me personally in overcoming the incessant urge of acting out during the hardest first weeks, laced with withdrawal symptoms etc.
Keep posting here, too: first of all, it's a great tool for the rest of us to be inspired by someone else's struggle.
Secondly, it's great for your recovery to share and vent.
But most importantly, please realize this: you are in this struggle for the rest of your life. Just like not so long ago it must have seemed to you that you will be porning and pleasuring yourself for the rest of your life, you now must realize that fighting those urges off is a work of a life time. It will become easier, to be sure; but just like you can't go on a fad diet and expect a permanent weight loss, unless you make a life-changing commitment, so too here: I know for myself, I have to make a permanent life style change if I am to become well again.
Good luck on your journey, brother, we are here for you. Please let us know how it goes.     

Thanks for all the great comments and support, guys. It's reassuring to know I am not in this fight alone.

My pact with my friend has worked wonders and has stopped me falling at least 5 times. Notably when my wife went out 2 evenings - normally that would have been the perfect opportunity to fall, but I managed to do something else.

I've read various sections of the handbook- too much to take in in one sitting.

One thing I read bothered my friend and I greatly. If we understand it correctly, does Tool 10 (The TaPhSiC method) advocate making Shevuos in Hashem's name? I believe the book suggests finding a balance between 'Something we know will hurt, but something we know we can keep' - but we think this is playing with fire. I dont want to repeat what the Gemorah says about Avon Nedorim. I've made a few in the past, in the heat of the post-falling moment, and have come to strongly regret them...the desire has caused me to break them. I reckon a lot of other people could also make that mistake.

It's a shame IMO because I felt that the rest of the Tool 10, uptil that point, was really excellent and I identified and agreed with it all. Any clarification welcome.

If you don't like it don't do it. I don't.

RebbeNisht wrote on 11 Oct 2011 11:24:


I don't use them either but I don't see such a problem.  The shavuous that are generally are problematic are those in which a person says I will never do X again.  If the X is something that he tried stopping umpteen hundred times, the shavua is quite risky.  On the other hand the handbook has to suggestionsto avoid this problem.  First, it suggests making a shavua which says I will not do X unless I do Y first and if I don't do Y then I will give $300 to tzeddakah.  It may be painful to give the $300 but it is not something that is unbearable and therefore not too hard that a person can't keep to it.  The second qualification is not to make a shavua that for the next year, for the rest of my life I will not do X unless I do Y.  After paying $300 a day for 365 days it can break anyone.  But we all can hold back for a day or two maybe even a week.  So you start small, a day, two days, and then you keep on renewing it.  If you come to "strongly regret" it you stop or modify it.

But do what works for you.  Continued hatzlacha.

I'm in accord with above. A lot of people here, myself included, are not comfortable with the concept of a neder. UR-a-Jew clarified it some; my take is, to use the concept to create a fence, but instead of a neder, just make a promise to yourself: before acting out I'll do Y, if I don't and act out anyways, I'll do Yx100. Just promising it to myself was instrumental of holding me up a few times.
But again, take the tools that you're comfortable with, that will work for you, and off back on the battlefield!
Is your friend on the GYE? Bring him on board, a friend of my friend is my friend 
Non-stop hatzlocho!