Hi Everyone,

I am a married Avriech who is also a mentor and rebbie to many bochorim. I always had a problem with MZ''L since I was young, but After I got married I was able to keep it in check basically ( a couple of falls over the first couple of years) I hadnt looked at p**n in years and years. Last Summer  I got an Ipod Touch (for parnasah of course) at the same time my wife was physically and emotional unavailable (due to health issues) and Since then I started viewing p**n, I quickly became addicted and began MZ''l quite often. I tried to stop but couldnt. A couple of months ago after a particular bad fall I threw my Ipod into the toilet (literally!) Since then I havent viewed p**n, but I cant stop being  MZ. I tried the chart and didn't get past 11 days. My mind is completely consumed and even though I am not looking at improper things I am fantasizing constantly. Everything Is a trigger and I can't seem to get a grip, I take a public train everyday and I cant stop my self from looking and dreaming... I need Help! I read the handbook but my neddarim don't work and I have fences but  I just cant stop my brain. Is there someone out there in Israel who would want to be my 90 day sponser so I can break this thing once and for all and get back to my real life? I want to serve Hashem properly and this is the one thing that is really holding me back.

Thank you
GonnaBeKodosh

welcome gonna

if u are here u found the right place

don't worry u be helped

first get a filter

oh also please get rid of the ipod touch

im here for u

im here for everyone on this forum

you will be helped

b

WELCOME GBK! You have come to the right place.  Your story is not uncommon.  It's nice to have you with us.

Welcome aboard. You've already taken a great step by flushing the I-Touch.

It's really hard to stop fantasizing, that's one of my biggest problems too, and my triggers are everywhere. I work really hard on avoiding my triggers (not always that successfully  :-[  ), and I try to keep myself occupied so I don't daydream. Maybe you can take something to read or learn on the train? (Unless you get carsick like I do....)

Work on it one day at a time, it will eventually start to get easier.

Keep On Trucking[sup]TM[/sup] (do you know what that means yet?)  and a Ksiva Vachasime Tova.

Gevura!

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

GuardYourEyes (GYE) is a vibrant network and fellowship of Jews of all affiliations, struggling to purify themselves and break free of lust related behaviors. For the first time, there is somewhere to turn to for help in these areas. We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama  .  Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!
 
In the last couple of years, the GYE network has helped roughly 1,000 Jews get back on a path of sanity, self-control and healing and has touched the lives of thousands more. GYE has become known throughout the Jewish world as the number one address for dealing with these challenges which have reached epidemic proportions. 

The tools of our recovery program were developed with guidance from the best experts in the field, such as Rabbi Dr. Avraham J. Twerski, and through the personal experience of hundreds of Jews who successfully broke free. We use a unique approach that recognizes that there are many different levels in these struggles.

Our network is comprised of a website, a pulsating forum, phone conferences, daily Chizuk e-mails, support hotlines, therapists, live 12-Step groups and a program of recovery for all levels of this struggle/addiction.

All our work is free of charge and we zealously protect the complete anonymity of all our members.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into your journey:

1) See the "GYE Program in a Nutshell" (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer) that can help you quickly identify at what level of the struggle you are at, and which tools and features would help you most at your particular level.

2) Install a strong filter (see this page for more info). It is hard to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away.  The filter gabai at filter.gye@gmail.com will hold the passwords for you. We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability.

3) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

4) Join the 90 Day Challenge. Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change the neuron pathways created by addictive behaviors in the brain.

5) Post away on this forum, where hundreds of yidden like you exchange chizuk and post logs of their journey to recovery. You will internalize that you are not alone, and you will learn the techniques and attitude that work for so many others.

6) Join our free anonymous phone conferences, led by an experienced sponsor.

7) If you need more general guidance, write to GYE’s helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call the hotline at 646-600-8100.

8.) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook" (a hard copy can be purchased for cost price over here). This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "The 20 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

The second part, "Attitude & Perspective", detail 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

Our souls cry inside of us, but we have accustomed ourselves to block out that cry. Today we can begin to be who we really want to be.

We are here for you.
www.GuardYourEyes.org
GYE E-Mail Helpline: gye.help@gmail.com
GYE Phone Hotline: 646-600-8100
Help us help others: Donate Here

Welcome!
Share your thoughts here, we are all lending a kindly ear!
Ksivo v'chasimo toivo!

Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. I am at 9 days and Baruch Hashem so far so good, I am trying to limit my computer time and Keep busy with my learning. I'm am not making as much money But I feel better this week then I have in a long long time. If practical I think I'm going to try for more work off the computer, So I dont have to work on it as much (I am a Rebbie and Work as an Online Consultant for extra cash..) With Gods help may we all be Zoche to Gmar Chasima Tova! and a year of health and Kedusha!
(btw it really helps me being able to reach out to all of you holy jews and get your words of chizuk Thanks!)

Definitely B''ZH GonnaBeKodosh

correction: YOU ARE KODOSH!!!!!
one step in the right direction is the fact that you're here.
you know the gemara in kiddushin says that if a person gives kiddushin on condition that he's a tzaddik, its a safek kiddushin, even if he was a rasha gamur. Because he may have had a thought of teshuva. You've done much more than that! Every day that you are clean is a success! You are Kodosh! Dont let the YH convince of anything else!

as a mentor and rebbie to bochurim,you can now empathize with thier plight  as they are trying to be ehrlich in this crazy world.because of your struggles,you develop a sensitivity to thiers.And as you recover,you can help give advice to them on how to protect yourself spiritually in such a sick environment.And so,in recovery,you look back and say that this experience will help the bochurim in a great way,not just in a technical-teaching-torah way,but in a real life lesson way that they can carry with them as they grow older and have to deal with these nisyonos in life

Thanks Gesher Tzar maod, You are right. Although Today I definitely dont feel Kodosh. It was a rough day for my spiritual self. Boruch Hashem I didnt have a real fall, but I lost control of my mind for quite a few hours as I jumped from fantasy to fantasy and I couldnt get a grip, I didnt stop my self from taking 2nd glances at people. Just a bad bad day for me... But I will keep on trucking and Gd willing Tomorrow will be better. I find once I let go a little bit I cant seem to stop my self afterwards no matter how hard I try, I guess I'll have to work harder to keep my guard up.. One day at a time, with Hashems help.

Thanks all for listening

atta boy! Thats all HKBH wants, your effort. You're great! Keep fighting the fight!

GB,
Welcome to the neighborhood!
I had huge problems with fantasy and looking on the street after I took a neder not to look at p-rn on the internet.  I understand completely what it means to have intrusive thoughts, even in mitt'n davening.

I found a few things very helpful in breaking out of these vicious attacks from the Y"H.
1.  Extreme shmiras eynayim.  No women unless absolutely necessary.  Not their faces, not their purses, not their shoes.  Even with my own wife, I only look at her face, I don't check her out unless it's b'shaas maaseh or very soon before.

2. Take it one nisayon at a time.  Generally the temptation to look will pass in a few seconds, and the opportunity (nisayon) will be gone forever.

3.  When intrusive thoughts come, I recite this tefilla, based on the Torah 12-steps.  Try to internalize what each phrase means.
"Ribbono Shel Olam, I am powerless over lust and my life has become unmanageable.
Only you can restore me to sanity.
I turn my life and my lust over to your care and ask you to please heal me from this illness of lust.  I don't want to lust, I only want You and a relationship  with You and Your Torah, and appropriate attraction to my wife.  Take my lust.  Please, take my lust.

You might be saying this a few hundred times a day at the outset.

4.  Yell at the Y"H, tell him his thoughts are not welcome.  "Get away from me!  Tatteh, get him off of me!"  If you can't yell out loud, yell out loud in your mind.

5.  Pinch your inner thight hard when you catch yourself gazing.  Every time.

One day at a time.  One nisayon at a time.

Piska Tova (a gittin kvitl)
Alex

  I Fell I fell I fell... I lost control one morning for no reason and since then the last 10 days have been pretty bad. I've been lusting and MZ alot. Then today my wife's brother bought her an ipod touch (with no filter) and she left for the evening.... I looked at p*** for the first time in months and months. I feel like crap, especially since I started teaching and encouraging people in this area. It seems the more I move up in my spirtuall status I fall in the lusting arena. Or maybe I was always like this but now It bothers me more. I feel like a Faker and a fraud. Why bother getting close if i always fall? But the truth is I DONT WANT TO BE LIKe This!! I'm sobbing and tears are rolling down my face bc I want to be close to hashem, I want to be his soldier I want to teach and live the life I know is right, I just keep on failing and failing and I am powerless to stop it. I am so so weak and pathetic.... And funny thing is It is so STUPID it is this little urg (or big urge) to just let out some semen, HEllo! HEres a million bucks or a moment of pleasure that leaves you feeling like a piece of trash, with nothing to show but guilt! How stupid am I to do it!?!  Thats why I feel so bad, I know its not worth it, I know i will regret it in 2 minutes. In fact now that I'm writing this and dont have any urges I feel right now I can Conquer the world I could be Kodosh, and I could stay clean forever. But I know in a few hours or minutes My bomb will start to tick and tick and I only have a few days before it explodes again. Thats whats so depressing. I feel lick it is a never ending battle and I have no Koach anymore, I feel it is almost like wasted effort. Yeah I know every moment is reward and every moment is a battle won, But I want so so much more than that, I don't want to fight this anymore, I just want to to what is right, and it is so easy to do the right thing except when it comes to S** and Lust etc.. I'm going to download webchaver on the ipod right now and I guess we will keep on trucking till the next time...
:'(
Hashem I love you. I want to do the right thing, I feel overwhelmed by this Yetzer Hara. Please Help me.


Thanks for letting me vent guys...

Hashem loves you too!
and so do we!
we are always here before the act and after
just call.

As Bard says FSKOT fell shmell keep on trucking. You are in the right place, we are here for you,before and after, as Gesher said. Good idea to get webcbaver.