Just putting a copy of my post on another thread here so I might find it again someday if I look for it.

[quote="gibbor120" link=topic=2930.msg122583#msg122583 date=1319559060]
ur-a-jew wrote on 25 Oct 2011 14:26:


Some related haaros to the overnight business trip post:

Society is obsessed with television and anything else that takes us out of the "real" world.

Over Sukkos I had a similar nisayon.  My MO family wanted to watch an episode of a show that they said was "clean".  I had my doubts and so did my wife.  My wife really wanted to watch it, so I left the room for the 25 or so minutes that it took.  My wife told me afterwards that certain body parts were prominently on display (hamaivin yavin) in this "clean" show.

Also, being that we travelled a lot (BIG undersatement) this yom tov, we needed some DVDs to keep the kiddies occupied on our seemingly endless roadtrips.  Someone suggested a certain movie which was ostensibly for kids and mixed live characters with cartoon charachters.  My wife and I previewed it before our trip.  It's amazing how many sexual innuendos there were in this "kids" movie.  Some obvious and some very subtle (some went over my wife's head and I had to point it out - we addicts are very tuned in to this stuff  :-[).  Anyway, just some post-yom-tov thoughts.
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gibbor120 wrote on 25 Oct 2011 16:38:



Agreed.


It would be a pity to lose or misplace a post as precious as this!!!


'tis a GREAT shtickel!!!

is this your house?

tis my house.  I spend more time visiting other people's threads than posting here, but I'm always glad for someone to stop by and say hello.

so... HELLO THERE!

gibbor120 wrote on 26 Oct 2011 19:59:


Is that what you meant to say?  ;D

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 26 Oct 2011 20:06:

I guess Hello and welcome to my home would've worked.

Where is Dovs house?

I don't think he has a house.  he's like a superhero just flying around where he's needed, untwisting twisted heads, then he disappears into the night.

Tell him Im looking for him. I tried pming him and he didn't respond.

He's a busy guy.  There are a LOT of twisted heads out there .  Be patient.  Sometimes you have to write to him a couple of times to get a response.

This quote from a different thread just gave me an idea.

Blind Beggar wrote on 28 Oct 2011 10:11:

Cheshvan is called mar cheshvan, a bitter month, because there are no holidays in it.  It is an "empty" month so to speak.  It is the emptiness in us that leads to "falls" and the greatest bitterness.

Along those lines, what about the months like tammuz?  I'm assuming there is nothing good in tamuz (correct me if I'm wrong).  Even negative events are better than emptiness.  I once heard that yelling and criticising is better that ignoring someone.  Ignoring is much more painful.  That's why the silent treatment is so terrible.  I can handle my wife yelling at me much better than her being silent.  When she's silent,  that's when I know I'm really in trouble!

I once heard that this month is empty because it is for working on implementing the things we got from all the yomim tovim.

Let's fill up this bitter empty month with serious avodah... ok and some serious joking around too.  We need the simcha !

ditto.  Amein

Ok, some things in my life and a couple of posts have prompted me to ask a question.  First the posts,

dov wrote on 01 Nov 2011 17:04:

ur-a-jew wrote on 01 Nov 2011 17:13:

My recovery has been difficult for my wife, especially recently when I decided to join one of the calls.  She thought I was "better" (although I told here it is still a struggle for me).

Does anyone have advice on how to soften the blow?  Should I encourage her to join the spouses forum.  I wish I could ask a "spouse" who was reluctant to join, but did.  Maybe 7up could chime in with some experience from the women's side.

Thanks for bringing this to my attention Gibbor.

Wives have a hard time understanding this addiction at all, but especially the aspect that this is a disease; and will remain one forever. Addiction is like an allergy, and learning to avoid the things which trigger an attack is far different than being 'cured'. Realizing that this is something you will both have to live with is not easy  at all.

I think the spouses forum is a wonderful idea. The women there are sincere and caring, and a wonderful support for each other. Just knowing that what she is going through is shared by others, can be a tremendous source of comfort. These wonderful women did not voluntarily chose this nisayon (nor did any of you!), but once this is what they must deal with, at least they have guidance and company. Perhaps suggest that she joins without posting at first. She can read threads etc until she feels comfortable enough to actively partake.

Remember; your addiction is not her fault. She needs to be reminded of this, and to be assured that you are trying your hardest, and that you love her. But not just empty words. With siyata dishmaya and a lot of SINCERE work, this addiction can become the biggest bracha, as it helps you work to become a couple who communicate, share, and honestly trust and love each other.

Hatzlocha with everything,
7up
womens forum moderator 

7Up wrote on 01 Nov 2011 18:11:


How true and important these words are.  Blaming our spouses for our addiction, our slips or falls, is a surefire method to ruin a marriage.  Regardless of what our wives do or don't do, we have to stay sober for our own sanity, if nothing else.