Welcome back!!!

I made it 3 days!! Baruch Hashem!!
3 days feels awesome! May this be the beginning of something special.

HockShmockGeshmock wrote on 09 Oct 2011 06:55:


nu?

Awesome reminder Alex.
Unfortunately, I didn't make it past day 3
I did try a 12-step group back when I posted that but it didn't work out. An hour a day was too long while I was in school and Yeshiva. I bought the AA book but haven't read it. My partner and I stopped communicating.
Ah, this is so hard.

With the help of the awesome filter Gabbaim, I have a filter (that I don't know the password to) on my computer (!) for the first time in... umm... I can't even remember how long it's been. IY"H may this be the start of something great!

Geshmock!!!!!

Hey, welcome back. I'm one of the people who joined since you started.
Your story sounds like mine. I kept getting stuck at a week. Now I'm up to ten days for the first time in at least two months. Want to join me up here?

Hatzlacha in all your endeavors!
Meir

Hey Meir!

Thanks for commenting - it's comforting to hear about others who are at a similar stage as I am. With the filter installed, yesterday was clean day #1, Baruch Hashem! 10 days is awesome - Be"h I'll be coming after you!

Keep flying high!

H.S. Geshmock, Welcome back, welcome home. You are very humble to start again and again. There's a guy, Blind Beggar, that your determination reminds me of. Maybe check out his thread. anyway, one day at a time. Putting in the filter is such a major step in surrendering. I respect very much for doing that.

Hatzlacho

1daat - sorry I never responded, thanks so much for the encouragement!

Well, I've learned an important lesson. A filter is not enough.

I know people have always said, the filter is just the first step but not the answer to the real problem, and now I can finally understand what they're talking about. I've had the filter for about a month now, and although it was great at first, I have unfortunately still found my way to some shmutz. I still have YouTube bc I don't want to block it for all the great videos it has, but I have not been able to control myself with it 100%. I've also found other ways to see pictures, although not videos, B"H.

So... what does this mean? It means that even the best filter isn't foolproof, and it means an accountability software will be even better - but again, not foolproof, because how can it know which video I'm watching on YouTube (the URLs don't contain the title of the video)? So the real answer is that there must be something deeper within me that I need to uproot to recover. To find this, I'm sure everyone will suggest a phone conference. I tried one a few months ago, but it is really hard to dedicate an hour every single day. I mean, I don't always have an entire hour free, and it's not always at the same time everyday, and sometimes it can't even be every day - maybe every other day. The point is, it's really hard - and impressive if you can do it - to be a part of a phone conference.

What's the next step then? Well, I have the Big Book, and it's time to crack that binding and try to go through it myself. I know the conferences are more than just commentary on the book - they're there to provide an environment and conversation among addicts - but for now, this will have to do.

Best to all ~

I didn't even look how long it's been since the last post. I don't really care.

They always say putting in a filter is not enough, not a real solution. I've known how to get passed my filter (well enough) for a while now, and I now understand what they were always saying. I wouldn't even get upset anymore, I just let it become part of my day.

Today is day 3. I don't know how it happened, but without realizing it, I'm back to Chazaka. Maybe it was no power for a few hours, maybe it was travelling that threw me off, maybe it was just G-d.

As I inch closer to dating, I have been scared of what will be with this. I tell myself I must stop before I head down this road. I need Hashem badly right now. So badly.

HockShmockGeshmock wrote on 04 Nov 2012 04:31:


Guess what! He's here! Just turn to him and put yourself in His care. He'll surely help if you ask Him to.

מי כה' אלקינו בכל קראינו אליו, להטות לבבנו אליו

Hatzlacha

MT

What's the plan, Stan? 8)

Thank you, MT.

Honestly, I have no idea. I have the book, been slowly reading it, so I could technically read more of it. The groups won't work schedule-wise. I never have the same hour free every day that I could call in. And filters clearly don't work. I guess I'm riding this w/ the mindset of I need to grow up (and Daven). I know I know it's an addiction and you need more than just that, but I got nothing else.

Well the least you can do is to avoid triggering situations, i.e. 'guard your eyes' in all settings, and guard your mind as well.

Hatzlacha

MT