I forgot to mention though, that before a person can "mature" to the point where he is happy with his lot and not obsessed with the way other people look and dress, he needs to master Shmiras Ainayim first. I'm not saying that's easy, but that needs to be the goal. Once you gain mastery over your eyes, you will find that you are perfectly happy with your wife and you will feel a lot freer and much more content in your life and much more mature in the way your mind thinks.

I think that what battleworn once said (and we quoted it in today's e-mail) is a BIG point. He said:

The mind-set has to be that it's all a bunch of nothing and stupidity. Not guarding your eyes allows the menuval to get in and make something out of nothing. As long as you think "It's paradise out there but I'm not looking" then you're doomed to failure.

If you haven't joined our daily Shmiras Ainayim Chizuk list, this could be a big help!

I updated your chart. Klal Yisrael needs warriors like you now in this Eis Tzara to fight the bad forces in the world!

battle log- day 45. things are getting easier. i still have what if questions- someone told me these are normal stages to go through in marraige but i seem to be coming to them late and moving through them slower then normal- any thoughts?
  does this addiction make it harder to love? or is my sense of love and apprreciation simply warped?

45 days is half way to 90! That's a big milestone. Be holy, you make us all proud to have you here with us on this forum, a fellow soldier battling deep in enemy territory, shoulder to shoulder with us all!

Yes, the addiction makes it harder to love because it warps our sense of love to something that is not real. Only when we learn to protect our eyes do we open ourselves up to a new type of love that we couldn't access before. We were blinded by the light of false love that flashes bright (and then burns out), and we couldn't see the candle of real love burning true.

True love is built through appreciation and appreciation is built by forcing yourself to say tings like "thank you", "I love you", and by doing things for your wife, even if it's against your nature. The more you do for someone, the more you feel love for them.

battle log day 48-true... what should the next move be- i tried the phone line this week and it was good. i now am "seeing" how behind i am in my life and what i have wasted. i just feel an umbalance- i realize that i do not respond in a normal way to people,i say things i shouldn't and have a problem concentrating so my mind doesn't wander off.. any thoughts? my mind plays with thoughts all day long- what the girl on the street,what i thinjk i need- how do i get the thoughts and desire to see beautiful women out of my head?

maybe you can find some good tips on this page tzadik.

battle log- 49. moving from tumah to kedusha. everyday anew. never been this far except once. i couldn't have done it without you guys!! please daven for me- i feel like i will never get a grip on my life- maybe i have to much time on my hands looking at what i wish i had, or want. or is my mind just messed up?

Everyone on this forum's mind is a bit messed up. Almost anyone who was once addicted to these things has warped his ability to look at women in a normal way and must make barriers and fences for himself that perhaps others don't have to make. We need to be much more careful not to watch Goyish movies for example, or to browse even normal Goyish news websites. We need to be much more careful where we go and who we interact with. But this is not a Chisaron. This makes us HOLY. We are FORCED to be holy if we want to stay Erlich! This is a GIFT from Hashem. After all, most Yidden want to be holy deep down, only they don't have the strength to stay away from these things because they are not FORCED to like we are.

Hashem knew we would be in this situation. He knew we would fall and fall and he waited for so many years until the time would be right and we would learn to give him our hearts. We, here, have a much greater potential for true "ahavas Hashem" and personal growth than do most other Yidden. We have the ability to shoot up the spiritual ladder at a much faster rate than others who don't have this intense struggle. We must rejoice with this challenge and learn to focus all our yearnings to the source of all beauty, all good, all pleasure and all love: Hakadosh Baruch HU!.

Be Holy, I'm getting excited. 7 weeks is 49 days. That's what it took to rid the yidden of Tumas Mitzrayim so that they could receive the Torah on har Sinai! 49 days of Seffirah - 7 weeks, kineged the 7 days of tumas niddah that a woman has to wait (like the ohr Hachaiyim hakadosh writes). And on the 50th day - Kabbalas Hatorah! That's why you go up to Level 5 on day 50!

battle log day 51- the day after..... 
  kabalas hatorah. we are here to grow, sometimes it just feels plain and simple and not exciting. but then we realize how much we need to continue to grow. every day. as we start sorting our lives our and get rid of the tumah b"h, we start to unveil a weave and web of all kinds of interesting things-like improper speech, not being able to concentrate, the way we look physically, how much time we waste during the day and the list goes on. these are all gifts ,that hashem has opened our eyes and the awareness the we are lacking in these avenues. this only comes from becoming more sensitive and is truly a gift and more ways to work to come closer to hashem.
  today i feel ok, the physical and doubting side gets me down most of the days about my marraige and evaluating what will make me happy. but what starts sweet ends bitter, what starts bitter ends sweet-this is this world , sweet then bitter, but torah starts bitter and ends sweet. the hardest things in life are what we are here for. may we all daven well and realize we are entering the holy days of shovavvin- let us take strength, gird our loins and stand for hashem!!

last night was a tough one. i went to bed late and was on the computer i started getting thoughts in my head, one time- "it's 50 days so that means only 6 times per year- you were 6 times a week- just give in this one time -you deserve it", it gets hard after the initial accent..

I'm glad you also pulled through! It's amazing the kind of stupidity we come up with (or the YH comes up with) to try to rationalize it. One more time... it's been so long....irrational calculations (like the one you mentioned) and it goes on. Each of his tools are so powerful. If an immobile tank was shooting all sorts of heavy artillery at you, you'd run behind the tank, not stand in front of it trying to dodge the artillery, shells, and shrapnel, because if you do that you will likely get blown to smithereens. Keep it up Beholy, and keep making fences to try and get behind the YH!

That's a good Moshol Ano!! Reminds me of the one you once said about a giant who was striking everyone who walked in his path, until the wise man noticed the giant had no feet and so he simply walked AROUND him. Don't face him head on. Don't get into arguments with him. Just ignore him!!

Be Holy, you are a great warrior. Keep the live fire going on the menuval until he is dead!

battle log day 54- extremely hard- i woke up in middle of the night thinking that i will always be trapped by my thoughts and happiness is based apon what other people say is beautiful or what they expected from me- but in reality sometimes we surpass our goals and are at a loss of where to turn next. or even when i am fighting through things in life i don't know where to turn or combat those fears and insecurities. i know i can come here to vent a bit.
 
  rabosi- it is shovavim we need a plan along with s"d to propel us forward. i was on a chat site this morning, and googling what types of women, men are happier with- it is just hard for me to come to terms with, always wishing i had more or a diff type of body or personality. the eye candy on the street has hurt me so bad. but b"h i am working on higher goals now.... not sure what but am searching to find ways to get ahead and closer to hashem.
 
  the higher i get the more clearity i have for the good and bad- recently some unsavory thoughts of things people have done to me in the past have come to haunt me, like my older cousin who would want me to sleep in his bed when i was about 11, or finding a dirty movie in my fathers closet at 8, or at age 12 friends bringing dirty magazines to school. going through my life since then with these thoughts on my mind and adding more to them when i could- the images engraved in my brain. "playing show me your i'll show you mine" in grade school.
   
  but through it all hashem has given me great strides- instead of guilt i feel hashems compassion and pity. but i know the pity will only do something if i act, or rather don't act. perhaps people aren't tested the way i am, but that means because hashem has  more confidence that i will succeed and this goes for all of us that are fighting the "goof" - i write this with tears in my eyes- by r' zvi meir this week , i was crying- HASHEM give us new eyes , a new brain, to see you and your creation with.
  yesterday while learning things were actually making sense and when i spoke to my chavrusa we were actually connecting. being careful will bring sensitivity to our thoughts and senses, because they are tender and perhaps frightening at time- this is because we are facing the demon within- if we continue to feed him, he will never be happy and we will live our whole lives -wondering what we could be or what life would be if i stopped.... by acting out we know we are doing wrong which automatically puts us on the defensive, which makes us do strange things sometimes. it is as if we are fighting ourselves.
  sorry it's such a long post but i really have been bottling and battling these feeling up and hope it will hit a cord in someone else and inspire them to keep going

Emo Anochi Betzara. Hashem loves you so much. 54 days!! This is unbelievable progress!

These beautiful words you wrote are so true: "we are facing the demon within- if we continue to feed him, he will never be happy and we will live our whole lives -wondering what we could be or what life would be if i stopped...."

The "eye candy" on the street that you speak of, it can feel like torture to people with this disease. In Yuma 74 Rash Lakish says that the pleasure of looking is even more than the act itself. There is only one way to save ourselves from this torture and begin to truly be happy with our lot; to realize that "looking" is simply MORE PAINFUL than not looking. It sometimes takes years until the person reaches the "pain threshold" for that realization, but until he gets to that realization, he will find it very hard to be able to stop his eyes from gazing and continuing to feel pain, and never be happy with what he has. And the pain only gets worse. No matter how much you look and no matter how much you have, the pain just gets worse. So decide today you don't want that pain anymore, no matter what. Each time there's eye candy in your field of vision, scream out in your heart: "Hashem! My heart belongs to you!!"