day ten complete -  but starting to wish my wife had things that she doesn't. the y''h is the biggest illusionist of them all. i feel weak and lonely again- my  middos are on edge and i am scared. Chanuka is coming!!

You said it. "the y''h is the biggest illusionist of them all". The biggest fantasy you could imagine, 10 seconds later you couldn't care less what she has or doesn't. It's all hot air. It's actually Hashem's biggest chesed that we get so much reward for saying no. The minute we give in, we can't believe that we sold our souls for this. That's why to the Resha'im the YH looks like a small string, and to tzadikim it looks like a mountain. Hashem makes it look like a mountain as a chesed to us, so we can get rewarded for climbing an illusionary mountain, but for the Resha'im who give in, you won't find one that is happy and says "it was all worth it". They live their entire lives feeling regret and depressed because they can't believe they sold their souls for this little string.

So rejoice that it's hard. It's only hard so that you can be rewarded, not because there really is something there that you are missing out on!

be holy, don't leave the void empty, fill it with kedusha and be even holier. It's so much easier that way. But the menuval doesn't want you to be happy. So in order to stop you from concentrating on what you could change -your relationship with Hashem, he makes you think about what you can't change. That dirty evil muderer gains doubly, not only does he stop you from growing and being happy, but he also has you destroying yourself with these destructive thoughts that don't even let you appreciate what you have.

I don't know how much of a chizuk the above is to you, but I know that to me writing it was just what I needed to pick me up. And it's totally in your zechus! (and of course GUE) 

Have a powerful week!!!

12 days! yesterday was very hard but the erge to act out came under scutiny and i gave that minuval a run for his money- i would not be home with a computer alone so i had a friend come over. last week i beefed up my parental control which makes it harder to get around the web.

Tzadikim! you are giving us all so much joy and strength.

Now I know why you're called be holy. Because from you, we can all learn how to be holy. If everyone would have the seichal to take practical steps, like you do (instead of getting themselves frustrated) there would be a lot more holiness around!

                                                                                      CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here we are on the eve of two weeks!!! 14 gimatriya "yad" and "die"- enough with the hand!! as much as i think this is such a small amount of time- i keep thanking hashem everyday , every davening and i keep davening for everyone that we should make hashem happy with our actions. may he remove the distractions, as he already has- there was a girl across the street who never closes her blinds and suddenly in the past couple weeks has closed them-yet one more temptation hashem has removed through tefillah, and the tefillah's of tzaddikim!!! my relationship with my wife has been so much better- may hashem help us all on our way and keep us all holy, and make us holier-this is through his mitzvos and torah. may we all serve on g-d with one heart ,one day at a time. you guys give me so much chizuk knowing that people are here rooting me on and understand what the "menuval" puts us through.

Ah, Holy, Holy Yidden... I sense a new "Jack" on the forum, breathing new life into our souls and making the yetzer Hara wither in fear!

15 days!! after reb zvi meirs daughters wedding and the chizzuk he gave everyone- the y"h went running!! time to cry and daven!! show hashem how important his love is to us. we need him and he needs us!!

Be holy, does your wife know?

be holy, were you still by the wedding at 1:40 when they played "jack's niggun". I finally got a chance to dance for jack with all my strength. And I mean that literally, I danced until I almost dropped.

CHAZAK VEEMATZ!!!

day 18- chai. today is really testing me. i have such a desire to get some porn or call a chat line- just one time. i wish i had the girl with the awesome body. HELP!!! hashem help me see the good in life and move me to yearn for you and not flesh and blood!!! please give us the extra kedusha to feel you guiding and testing us !!
elya- my does not know a thing.
battle worn- 1:40 i was there till 6 am- i figured i have wasted so many nights on porn i may as well spend the whole night in a mitzvah- what is jacks niggun? also i said good shabbos to r.z.m. and he thanked me for coming to the simcha- i couldn't believe he remembered every person that was there!!

Jack's Niggun?! You don't know Jack's Niggun?!  ;D That's the Niggun we put on our site the day Jack hit 90 days. Everyone was putting it on and dancing around the room, tears were flowing. Go to our music page and scroll down to "Happy Niggunim".

Also listen to some of the "Hartzige Niggunim" on that page, to help you through this hard time, you need some powerful inspiration. Go here and reach this holy Jew's story from begining to end, along with all his tips, while the slow music is playing in the background...  You will send the yetzer Hara flying!

Also, see this thread on the forum. Read it through.

You can get through this! Davka when it's hard, you are shooting up higher than ever. Ask hashem for anything, it's a holy time - a Es Ratzon!

thank you everyone for their chizzuk it is day 19- am feel like i am at my end. just one look or rub or something will make me happy. SHEKER!!!!!!!!! i will sing,dance and pray the yetzer hara away- the music page is doing a great job..
  is there any chance you are going to put "ka echsof" on the music- maybe in honor of someone reaching a goal. it is a very inspiring niggun- also by rebbe ahron of karlin.

According to the wall of honor page, you are married. Does this make it any easier for you? Today is day 19 for me by the way. The irony in my case is that while I have never even spoken to a girl before (other than hello, goodbye, thank you), I've seen enough filth online to totally negate that benefit. I haven't looked at porn for at least 5 weeks now, and I've had no desire to during that period. I have to continue this way. I got a taste of what it would be like to tell my wife about this kind of thing when I told my mom in 9th grade. I DON'T want that in my marriage.