Be Holy, I'll make you a deal Tzadik. When you hit 45 days (half way to 90) I will put up Koh Echsof for you!

ano you do have a chance- recut yourself out now. i thought getting married would solve all my problems but it didn't. from what it sounds like you are determined. keep up the good work- 5 weeks if unbelievable. daven hard- thank hashem, don't feel down on yourself. we are in hester panim,but hashem kisses and crowns every move that brings us closer to him, in our thoughts and actions. keep reading these forums- they really help. you will win bzras hashem and only bezras hashem. you have great potential in a way that many are not tested, this onlyis a message to ring in your head 24/7 i"i have something unique to offer hashem and the whole of humanity. i have been busted so many times. by everyone but my wife. the ones i know that check their computers were a couple older brothers and brother-in-laws. it killed me. what are your feelings on day 20? please keep me updated- together through our thoughts, prayers ,determination- we can win. chanuka is a special time- imagine how much brighter the lights will burn knowing we have been clean for over a month b"h?

  reb elya- and sugnificance to the number 45? how about 40 days to ka echsof ? kinegad the 40 days it took the waters of the mabal to purify the land...40 days of formation of the fetus....40 saa of water required to purify someone in a mikva....40 days between r"h and y"k?.....twice the sem hashem "before the chet and after the chet".......40 days of luchos shnios.......

Ok, you win. Indeed, it says in the Mishna brurah that it takes 40 days to get used to a difficult behavior (like getting up in the morning early on cold winter days). So 40 days, and you got it! Make sure to remind me :-)

Today is day 21 (3 weeks!). It is getting a llittle easier, but it's still a challenge.

3 weeks - fantastic!

Don't FIGHT the bad, instead - FOCUS on good. When the Yetzer Hara strikes, don't try and fight him head on. Instead, just get up and do something good. Do a Mitzva, say some Tehillim, read a book on recovery, post on the forum, inspire others! The Yetzer Hara will just shrink away in shame!

ano... we are all together here - i am at 3 weeks. and was feeling down but i thought- smile and pray, we are offering the most important thing in this world to hashem- do not harp on things we want to act out it will always lead us to old thoughts and comforts, until we are "rewired" with a "ruach chadash". i danced until i was about to break a sweat. i just kept smiling because that was against my feelings-believe we are bringing hashem so much nachas- especially in our generation that is so steeped in all kinds of immoral things. don't you think hashem looks at us and says this is your mission in life and i am so proud of you- keep up the good work and here is a gift- a little more closeness and true joy...? gotta go to sleep- think how amazing chanuka will be clean? think more about your brachos- if you wanna act out grab something to make a bracha and say it very slow ,concentrating as much as you can on every word- this seams to help me along with spontaneous singing dancing, or anything active. p.s. do u do any physical activities during the day?  be strong the light of chanuka is comg to guide us through our darkness- hold on there is light at the end of the tunnel.

P.S. I keep getting immoral thoughts in my head. Why are they such a turn on for me?

holy Yid! What an inspiring post!

For any addict, these thoughts are a turn on (that's why I removed them) - but it's 100% normal. For a few days, one particular thought may plague you... after a while it goes away. Then another thought pops in to plague you... These are fallen klippos that are begging to be uplifted. And with your holy dancing and brachos, these fallen "love" and "lust" are being uplifted straight to Hashem - who is the source of all good and all pleasure and all desire and all love and all beauty and all and all and all....!

When you find yourself being turned on by bad thoughts, think to yourself how our entire life could be ended by a thin piece of metal slitting though the throat. So how could these feelings and desires we feel be real, if life is so futile, fleeting and fake? And yet the thoughts we feel are so powerful! That can only mean that they come from somehwere high up - somewhere that is eternal. These are "fallen" desires, sparks of holiness, yearning for G-d, that have fallen to the depths of the Klippos. When we turn our hearts to Hashem, we uplift these fallen sparks. We need not tell ourselves that the love and lust we feel is false. Rather it is true and real - but NOT the way our brains (that could be cut off from existence in an instant) see it, but rather, it is our souls calling out for closeness to Hashem, to the eternal source of all good. Our brains are just messing up the signals. So if you feel a powerful urge, a powerful love or lust, don't say "ICH" - rather say "Hashem, that love belongs to YOU! It comes from YOU! And it is my soul yearning for YOU!

thank you!! a huge bonus for everyone who is working in their tehara is- you feel things more. shabbos becomes real, your friends simchos, you yearn to be by other peoples simchos. your blessing to hashem and other people take on the whole inner self. although we may thing porn and chat lines and thing are part of us and how futile it is to try to get rid of them- and we say they are so ingrained in me. my porn habbit goes back to my early childhood almost 20 years!! the illusion part of my brain and porn are my best friends. i felt that i can never change and it's time to face the fact that you will live with these things your whole life and this is the real you. well i scream a battle cry- it is not true.hashem give us strength,and send us simple compassion- we may fall at the battles but the war will go on!! peopple we are not living!! this addiction takes over our entire being, thoughts, actions, we feel guilty , and never feel like we are being true to ourselves ,until we give in and that is our true self. LIES!!! we want to live and be free to feel joy,pain,love,and be able to stop forgiving,and forgettting ourselves, and stop feeling bad about what we have done. it;'s time to become the real me!! or at least look for who i am. we know it will be hard- but that is what life is about. we all are "wired" differently, but that is our test!! we shall not fall at the first hurdle -keep going and we will be blessed with life.

Be Holy! I sent out your two posts above in today's chizuk e-mail and I want you to read what one guy (who is already over 100 days clean) wrote me:

Post 2 brought tears to my eyes.  It's so true!

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  I was dong so well and feeling great...and that was when the Yetzer Hora pounced.  He makes you forget the significance of the fight.  Just a little browsing won't hurt, it's not the end of the world, etc.  But it is!!!!!  I had to go back and mentally review my list of consequences that I wrote when things were clear.  I wasn't exaggerating then (I even wrote that down since I knew it would seem extreme at some point in the future) and I wrote it myself so I could trust the source!

B"H I made it through the day - "one day at a time" (that's another tool I used to keep the menuval away) and I'm feeling stronger today.  Post 2 reminds me of the clarity that we need to maintain to keep a proper perspective and recognize the happiness and potential for growth that Hashem grants us (in this world, not to mention the next) when we stay strong and true to Him.

I also have to thank you for investing time and energy in the Chizuk e-mails and the GUE site.  The constant hischadshus is another source of strength because the temptation is like waves in the ocean.  It strengthens and weakens and gets stronger again, hopefully less so but it's never going to be a permanent low tide.  In order to combat this, you need to build a dam that even Katrina-force waves won't be able to breach.  That takes a lot of energy, spirit and focus to maintain.  It needs to truly inspire all of us every day.  So thank you and keep it up!  Keep in mind that every day you do, you turn another day of misdeeds into equally strong zechuyos. Keep adding beautiful bricks to your home in Olam Habah!

here i am on day 24- kad, may hashem fill all of our hearts with love. i went to karlin stolin this morning for davening. They do not sing but they do scream for pesukei d' zimra. it was amazing, i was almost sweating- "nishmas kol chai "was real- we are like malachim people. if we believe we can do it we will. r' z.m. said the problem as that nobody has any goals anymore!! this web site helps up reach our goals! a friend told me " a goy hopes, a jew believes! believe that hashem wants to test us in order to give us schar.
   today is very hard the girl across the road has opened her blinds again and i can see right into her bedroom. my wife is sick and we ate out by a friend who has a cuter wife- sorry for being so honest. but i feel hashem is testing me from all sides- my wife, my longing for something diff then my wife- is this a problem every man has, is it problem porn brings on? or should i have married a girl i really liked in a physical way?
  if we do not work to get holy eyes how will we ever see kedushas? v'sechazena "eneinu" our eyes will see hashems return to tzion- will tameah eyes see??? no they won't- but a promise from rebbe z.m. is that if someone is working on an avodah even if they have not obtained it- when moshiach comes he will be mashlem that avodah- let us all bring ourselves together- we must daven for eachother- thank hashem for everything he gives up- see the miracles, health, wife, children ect- then we can see hashem, thank him and ask that we be able to serve him wholeheartedly- he will listen. gotta run. chazak v' yamutz. i want to go look out that window but for all of you and klal yisroel , for moshiach,chanuka i am going to bed with prayers for all of my fellow warriors.....
p.s. will anyone want to be mikabel krias shma al hamita with me?

i'm running to daven but wanted to tell you to be strong.day 25 - we must believe we are being tested- we have energy but it misused.. do not fall at the first hurdle!! keep going- hashem has great things in store for us, so the y"h will be on high alert. talk to your generals and commanders-look them in the eye and say we are headed for hard times but there is light at the end of the tunnel. explain to them the reward and satisfaction they will recieve when we get to the other side. i really mean this- do it during davening. speak to yourself but let hashem listen. he is the chief of staff you are the general and all the powers of the world are at your command- they really are. look your self in the mirror for two minutes and tell your eyes and soul we will not fall today.gfor avodas hashem all we need to do is want and try and hashem opens the heavens. today we need extra help- my internet is not guarded, my wife is sick, my neighbor opened the blinds to her bedroom, i want to act out and get back to my comfort zone. b"h i will take that fire of desire that is in me and hopefully at the end of the night i will post again , and laugh at this post- i am so close to falling,but let's try just once when we feel were going to fall to go the extra mile. i believe we will be laughing at the end of the day that we even considered giving our loneliness to porn- because today my love and lonliness goes to hashem, just as a test- daven with the fire- learn with fire, greet and treat everyone with fire- this will change our ruach tumah to a ruach tehara- b"h. WE WILL SUCEED!!! chaunka is coming- let's get ready starting today.-

Holy Holy Yid! I am sure that these words of chizuk that you write from the heart, more to yourself than to anyone else, shake the heavens!

I promise you that if your wife would be the most beautiful woman on the planet, you would still desire other women. Yes, the porn messed up our minds and is part of the problem, but it's not just that. The eyes of a man are never satisfied. Every women has something about her that makes her look different and unique. The Yetzer Hara is never satisfied. NEVER. A thousand times, a thousand women, would still not make him happy. Don't you see? He wants your SOUL - not the pleasure. Once we give in to him even ONCE, we are his SLAVE again. And as his slave, we will NEVER have enough. On the other hand, once who frees himself from his grasp, even though it is painful - sometimes very painful - for a while, but in the end he is FREE. He can have true HAPPINESS. He can be SATISFIED in life with what he has.

You are walking on a tightrope above the fire. You are holding on to Hashem, and so you are not falling for now, but you need to get on safer ground. You MUST get a strong internet filter. You need to post a note on the lady's door across the street, asking her nicely to keep her blinds closed. And / or keep yours closed at all times.

Are you still in touch with your partner? Would you consider starting an Israel group?

The Karliner Rebbes said that davening with all your kochos is the surest way to break the Koach hara inside a person.

Keep posting, your messiras nefesh and words from the heart are a real inspiration!

partner? not sure what you are talking about. Israel group would be great but it is way across town in french hill. - the internet rimon is not working - someone is coming to work on it later.
  your words of chizzuk are so true. we will never be happy until we are free!! the y"h wants our soul and is our greatest enemy- the enemy from with-in. this is so known but it's high time it really became a part of our thinking. something inside of us wants to kill and destroy us!! unbelievable, what a test life truly is!!! g-d speed!

Oh sorry, I confused you with someone else who is going to a group with a partner here in Israel. I confused you because you had also once expressed an interest in joining the groups. I sent you once two e-mail addresses of two Tzadikim. Did you contact them? If you want me to send you them again, write me privately.

What's wrong with Rimon? I am close with the head guy there and the product manager. Let me know if you have problems with them...

holy warriors!! rimon is unbelievable- my computer has a virus and it won't connect to my rimon account. day 26!!!!!!!!!!!! rimon is the only internet oone should have at home or office-period.