battle log day 84-week 12- i can't believe it! we have a little time left before moshiach, and the end of shovavim. it's raining a "yam" of help for everyone reading this and thinks that they can't get out,or break free. i am having a hard time with life in general- learning and now i see how many things there are for me to work on, it is pretty scary.
  but i am not here to complain i accept my mission with love- the mission of finding out who the real me is. i was speaking to one of the better guys in yeshiva yesterday and for the few times i can remember i felt like i could just be real with him and not hide behind anything, the result? i landed him as a chavrusa for part of the day! that evening out of the blue someone else asked me to learn with him just for a few minutes-how often has that happened to me?! and finally my communication and marriage has gotten sooo much better. i thought all of this would never be possible.
  i was thinking depressing thoughts the other day saying "i really don't feel special anymore and what have i achieved"? then i thought back to my patterns from before hashem directed me to gue and anynmous, and guard. then i started remembering that i never thought i would break free and would die with my rotten midos. i tell you it is not true. anyone can break free with the help on this sight. i was molested as a child ,started watching porn from age 7, and has had erotic thoughts that controlled me everyday of my life since then- all i can say now is that "i feel like I've been cheated, lied to, and robbed." all my energy has been spent for 15 years on fantasy and hot air. i am far from reaching my goals but i actually feel like i am not completely being controlled by my addiction and am not as inferior to others as i thought i was. these were sobering thoughts on my hard day.
people we can take control- we have messed up but every day hashem waits for our teshuva- not yesterdays teshuva or tomorrows teshuva but todays!! don't give up- we can make it if we all stick together. may we all be bless with the spiritual rain that penetrates and cleanses our most soiled clothes.
 

beholy you are so inspiring to me. Compared to the hand you've been dealt, I grew up in a paradise. I can't imagine the tremendous effort this must take for you, but I know that if you can do this so can I and everyone else here on this forum.

Thank you for the inspiring post ... you are truly an inspiration to us all!

What a beautiful post. I am saving it by me for future reference and/or chizuk e-mails :-)

Ashrecha. What a zechus you have. Your difficult childhood was not your fault, and yet you are overcoming all the obstacles and earning infinite reward and divine delight through sheer hard work and emunah!

i was learning the nisivos shalom yesterday and he says- with the pigam of the bris kodesh we can never feel shabbos. they go together- shabbos and bris. both are brisim. if we honor and guard shabbos then guarding our eyes becomes easier. but they go together. the chiddush was that not breaking free traps us and we have no feeling to kedusha as much as we try we are not hitting the mark.
  we are in the holy days of shovavim- we have to remember that. a thought is that if we are  used to acting out on shabbos, just for the next 2 shabbosos we don't. we all have a neshama , our body is only a house for our soul- it is a thought i am trying to internalize- the body is only the house for the soul. let us get in touch with our souls, our connection to our father in heaven. let us move ahead today and live in the moment- a moment that can never be repeated for all the money in the world. let us put our real self out there , as scary as that may be and find out what we really are and are capable of doing. hashem will give us all hatzlacha, I'm sure of it.

be holy wrote on 12 Feb 2009 07:02:


What Hashgacha pratis.  I just finished writing a post on my forum about this exact topic.  You could read it here. And here you go and bring down sources for it.  That is great. 

May we all be zoche to remove ourselves from aveiros, get close to Hashem and live in eternal communion and pleasure with Him. 

I don't know why, but beHoly and Ykv_schwartz, just reading your posts brings tears to my eyes and I say to Hashem "what a beautiful and precious people you have".

b''h all is well. battle log day 88. a slight relapse today. i have been a bit weak in my shmiras enayim , and the weather has been very pleasant the past couple days which doesn't help. i have a desire to look at the girls on the street and sometimes feel like i am kidding myself- i will try to only look down when i can , when i am walking on the street, yet sometimes i feel like i am totally  free and look where ever i want to feast my eyes.(b''h even this has gotten better and i do close my eyes completely a lot) i am confused. the tall slim attractive girl walking down the street doesn't compare to my wife and makes me a bit down, wishing i had that. on the other hand i think even if i had her after i finished my business i would not have any satisfaction in being with her. also it is not only frum girls i look at , but girls in pants- i am trying not to but why aren't these girls out of the question and a non-factor? and why do i get down?

Please see here: www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ41.asp

Getting down is exactly what the Yetzer hara wants. This gives him complete power over you. No matter what, keep an upbeat attitude and think of all the times you DID succeed in turning away. Every time is priceless.

Indeed, Shmiras Ainayim on the street is not easy. It takes sometimes years after stopping the p-rn to gain full mastery over the eyes. Never let it get you down. Instead, treasure each time you do succeed in turning away, even if just a moment ago you feasted your eyes and the Yetzer hara tells you "what's the use?".

Use this strategy and ultimately you will succeed!

I am looking forward to making a big Lechayim on day 90 (is it Tuesday or Wed?) for you and Ano!

tuesday is 90! today is the day before. during shmonei esrey this morning i went through my journey of porn with hashem since age 7 till today. it was a really long shmonei esrey but i felt better after and asked for help in our battle,and simple rachamim to propel all of us forward and give us back all thet the yetzer hara has stolen over so many years. is there any chazal that mention hashem making up those lost years in a shorter time frame?

Wow wow wow.... I am amazed and happy for You and Anonymous!  Strength on your first and last hours, the first and last of a new beginning! Another victory for good is imminent!

/JG

Samcheinu Ki'yemos inisanu, shenos Ra'inu Ra.
Chaza"l say that the yemos Hamoshiach will be at least as long as all the galus and suffering was.

Some ask, "how can that be? Moshiach hasn't even come yet, and it has to already be all over by the year 6000 - Moshiach included". I've heard it answered that the years of Moshiach will be so powerful and so incredible, that it will be somehow as if it were as long as all the years we suffered.

And I bless the same to you, IY"H. The years of success that you have from now on in this battle, will make the years of falling seems as if they never were, and you will quickly make up for all those years with new Madregos of "Lachazos Bino'am Hashem"!

Amen!

thank you. but i hope to always be on guard. we have seen people fall after a half a year or even a year and a half. i am in this together with any. , when he is 90 i am 90. i guess i have to wait another day or so.
even at day 90, this is still amazing things to be done. i need this forum to keep me strong!!

battle log day 103- i must be honest i fell on Thursday night. i got my computer back and it had open web access and i surfed for a bit-BUT I DID NOT ACT OUT!! i got down a bit but then realized this is an amazing feat coming from a few monthes ago.  and said the y"h wants me to get down so i will push him away. while i was surfing it made me feel empty and useless. i must say this web site is our best way to break free.
  it is a long and sometime had battle- perhaps for some the test of our lives- this was my feeling a few months ago. now i feel that there are so many thing to work on outside of shmiras habris. it is hard and sometimes i feel like i need more physically then i am getting- i know this is a y"h and we live in the world of illusions and hot air. it takes a long time to internalize these crucial messages that fight our fabric of society and what American culture prescribes fo happiness. to truly be happy takes tremendous work- in my case it is to stop looking and start doing- stop looking at every other girl or anything that could trigger depressing thoughts and stop myself before it controls me. realizing that there is no end in the game of the physical. in every film things are made out to be so good, but when it is all over the scene ends- because there is nothing after that. physical is limited ,spiritual is limitless!!
  what do i want out of life? to be a prisoner of my body or a servant of hashem? every single time we look away we are declaring that we want hashem to be our king!! to do this in today's era is the hardest it has ever been- but we have no choice. it all sees nice and that we are giving so much up but that is a bunch of bull- we are only gaining by serving hashem and linking up with him-
  i have been able to speak to people without turning away- i feel good about myself lately. we are here for so little time and we have such holy nishamas- hashem is crying that we make the change today- we are 10 days before purim a time for success over all of our enemies and 40 days before pesach absolute freedom from the paroah within, and without.
  let us all take something for these days everyone according to their level- i promise you the experience will be more enjoyable than anything we can see or do.

Be Holy, you have made my day!! It's so good to hear from you again - like a breath of fresh air. You are a roaring fire of Avodas Hashem bursting out from a megushemdik guf in a dark, dark world! You are the ultimate example of Gilui Shchinta Batachtonim! Hashem has enough Malachim in Shamayim, but he has only ONE be-holy!!

Stick with us and we will all dance together with you in Gan Eden!!