I have had 3 falls in the last 3mths. And even still Hashem has seen fit to bless me. I had a major reduction in rent, a raise in income and I found a live SA group. I'm a little confused and grieved. How can someone love me so much that he would give to me in spite of my hurting him? I have no words to express my gratitude to Hashem; everything I say seems to fall short of what I'm feeling. Why is Hashem doing this? It doesn't make sense to me.

How much of a reduction in your rent would you be comfortable with based on your actions, and how you think HaShem should be running His world?

I identify with how you feel. For years my life revolved around "give and take" with what i thought was HaShem, and even more so around my acting out. i.e. if I learnt with my chavrusa and didn't act out, then I deserved a good day - if i acted out, then I deserved to be punished and if "bad" things happened to me then I was comfortable.

A few years ago, before I started to go to SA, it was Zemmy who pointed out to me that "G-d is not a candy-machine"!

In SA I learnt that:

HaShem loves me unconditionally.

That Torah and Mitzvos are for MY benefit; I don't do Him no favors.

I cannot possibly understand the ways of HaShem

And, that it is not my business.


May He grant us a sober and sane day.

BTW why is this in the "fun" board?

Because I didn't know where else to put.

I have a hard time associating this song with God, but Chesky is completely accurate and right (not that he needs my haskamah; he has a connection to God that I can only dream about).

God says:

All your insecurities, all the dirty laundry....
Makes no difference to Me

Unconditional, Unconditionally
I will love you unconditionally

come just as you are to Me
You don't need apologies
know that you are worthy
I'll take your bad days with your good ones


I love you unconditionally

so, Othniel (and all others who are listening) open up your heart to Him, for He is listening, and He will always love you

ולגדולתו אין חקר