I assume you mean "a hardware problem". I like .

gibbor120 wrote:



Oops. Yes. Although I always blame the software guys.

reallygettingthere wrote:

I'm not sure why, everyone knows it's always the hardware

Machshovo Tova wrote:



Was I the only guy who started smiling a little last night?


oh no... do you think anyone saw?

oh dear guard! your the greatest.. i think that since ur second message here, we neeed 2 change the name of the forum, nobody's deprest anymore...

where there's a will, there are relatives
where there's a will, i want to be in it
the last thing i want to do is hurt you....but it's still on my list
because light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak
if i agreed with you, we'd both be wrong
we never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public
knowledge is: knowing a tomato is a fruit. wisdom is: not putting them in a fruit salad
they begin the news with Good evening and then tell you why it isn't
to steal ideas from one: plagiarism. to steal ideas from many: research
buses stop in bus stations. trains stop in train stations. on my desk a work station
i though i wanted a career. turns out i just wanted a paycheck
i didn't say it was your fault, i just said that i'm blaming you
a clear conscience is probably just bad memory
you do NOT need a parachute to skydive. (just to skydive twice)
money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with
i used to be indecisive. now i'm not so sure
your'e never too old to learn something stupid
to be sure of hitting the target, shoot and call whatever you hit the target
nostalgia isn't what it used to be
change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand........

behind every successful man is his woman. behind the downfall of a successful man is usually another woman

behind every successful man is a shocked mother in law

If a man speaks in the middle of a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

hilarious! thanks!

inastruggle wrote:

With a shotgun

I didn't read all 73 pages so I don't know if someone told this yet. Chazara never killed anyone right?

The Power of Alcohol

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, t he boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant 'Take another drink!'

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.

The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, 'Take another drink! Take another drink!!' The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.

The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,


(Wait for it)


(It's coming)


(Ya ready?)


(Don't hate me)


(Yer gonna hate me)


(Take a deep breath)


He should've quit while he was a head.

nice

Slowing Down

A bloke goes into a pub, takes a seat at the bar, and orders five pints. The barman gives him an odd look since the bloke's all by himself, but he serves up the five pints and lines them up on the bar. The bloke downs them....One, Two, Three, Four, Five. He finishes the last one and calls to the barman, "Four pints, please, mate!" The barman serves up four pints and lines them on the bar. The bloke downs them....One, Two, Three, Four. Then he belches loudly, sways slightly on the stool, and orders three more pints. And one after the other, he knocks them back.... One, Two, Three. "Two pintsh, mate!" he calls, and the barman places two pints in front of him. Down they go.... One, Two. As the bloke slams the last one down on the bar, he says, "One pint, mate." So the barman fills the glass. The bloke sits there, staring at it for for a moment, trying to focus. Then he looks at the barman and says, "Y'know, it'sh a funny t'ing, but the less I drink, the drunker I get..."

A drunk walks into a tavern and walks up to the bar. The bartender wanders over and says, "What'll it be?" He replies, "Free beer all around!" So the bartender sets up a cold one for everyone in the bar. Then the drunk says, "I'll have a shot and a beer and get a shot and a beer for yourself since you are so nice." So the bartender pours a couple of shots and two more drafts.

The drunk downs his shot and follows it with a swallow of his draft. The bartender follows suit and then says, "That'll be $48.50 please." The drunk responds, "I've got no money."

With that the bartender jumps over the bar and throws the guy out, kicking him in the rear on his way out the door. The drunk lands face down on the sidewalk.

A little while later, the drunk returns and the bartender says," What are you doing back here?" Again the drunk responds, "Free beer for everyone and I'll take a shot and a beer, too.

"But don't pour one for yourself, you get mean when you drink!"