Towards the end of a summer alone with unfiltered internet, I was desperate for some way of getting back on track. Not having anyone then who I'd dare to talk to explicitly about it, I googled things like "teshuva p'gam hayesod", "shemiras yesod", "tikun habris" (I don't remember the specifics of what I searched for but it was along those lines). And...then...there...was...GYE!!! (the old one - this was quite some time ago).

This is my first post on what I can only describe as a lifeboat which I have reached out for after engaging in masturbation since my teens , and which has been exacerbated by fact that a person addicted to SA paid to watch it in Times Square, now can unfortunately bring the garbage into his house via the net. I am happily married for almost 35 years with an amazing Eshes Chayil, two wonderful daughters and grandchildren. I love to learn Torah, but this particular area is an area which I know that Musar, etc, just won't provide the answer without help, what Chazal call Pilpul Chaverim.

I can only say that such conduct is a subsitute for real emotional and physical intimacy with one's loving spouse, and objectifies all women who aren't Jewish or frum and dress in a Derech Lo Tznuah, especially during the summer, as Zonos in your eyes. I am sure that I am not the only person here who found that his degree of emotional and physical intimacy plummeted when he was intensely inmvolved with SA and reading and watching every kind of imaginable fantasy occuring before his eyes. When I read the accounts of other, I am inspired and have hope that I can crawl out of the cellar and dungeon that I have created as an escape from long term issues dealing with my self esteem dating back to my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood that resurface from time to time. Thanks for being there and listening.

Welcome to gye,

You already took an important step of posting.

How about starting a topic in the "introduce yourself" section so we can get to know you?

I think that another very important goal that this wonderful website can enhance is the appreciation of marital intimacy -in both the emotional and physical realms. Obviously, the "hook up" culture and the easily accessible garbage on the net present a world which is completely devoid of marital and emotional intimacy and which promote a world where anyone can engage in, view and read about any kind of conduct described in the Krias HaTorah for Mincha on YK, which is completelty at variance with how a Ben or Bas Torah Torah is supposed to act at in any society at any time.

Yet, if we look at Chazal an the Rishonim, we will see a very different view. The Talmud in Brachos tells us that one of the Amoraim hid under his rebbe's bed while the rebbe was engaged in marital relations, and told his rebbe upon being discovered that the conduct that his rebbe was engaged in was a mitzvah . Many of the Rishonim, especially Igeres HaKodesh of the Baalei HaNefesh , attributed either to Ramban or Raavad ( which I recall being sold in the Catskills with a marker that it was only to be sold to married men!) , rejected the twin extremes of the hedonism that was the hallmark of the Greco Roman world that Chazal clearly were aware of and critiqued, and the puritanism of Christianity. A prominent rav and psychologist once described the Igreres HaKodesh as a manual for physical intimacy between husband and wife.

I would agree that certain passages in the Mishneh Torah ,the end of Volume 2 of the Mishneh Brurah ( which one of today's Gdolim was reserved for the use of Tzadikim) and the KSA ( which was frightening when I first read it in English) present an almost puritanical persective on these issues.

I am sure that many of us know that the equivalent of a certain women's clothing exists in one of New York's most prominent Torah communities, and that advertising for the same ( without pictures of course) can be found in Charedi media.

There is no doubt that those of us in that parsha must observe all of the details of Hilcos Nidah, have a proper sense of Shermiras Einayim, Tznius and Kedoshim Tihiyu in our lives. Yet, if we realize that physical intimacy with our wives is a wonderful Mitzvah that all of us can only enhance by working on our SA, our addiction can be cured.

Why did I write all of the above? Perhaps, we have mistakenly accepted the view that marital intimacy is an averah, as opposed to a mitzvah, and have focussed excessively on represssing the mitzvah between husband and wife, which, in turn, caused many of us, including myself, to seek other vastly inappropriate outlets that have led us to SA.

while it is true that there has been discussion on this site that "lusting" after one's wife is not a good idea, and certainly those who are in recovery mode due to a type of addiction for all things sexual, I do not believe that anyone here said that marital intimacy is an aveirah. No, im pretty sure it was not said. there obviously are halachos to the intimacy, but an aveirah!? No sir!

cordnoy wrote:


Ditto. Definitely not an aveira. Unless I am making my wife feel used.

Back to "how did you find out about GYE".

thanks mendel
sometimes with all the lingo thrown around that I do not chap completely, I think that I might have missed the boat

you know something
im tryin to remember how I found gye
I know I wasn't searching for it in particular...I don't think so at least

in a search (perhaps for something not so good), the site came up

I perused it and liked it...joined, and the rest is history (I wish it would be all behind me now); and I am in usa, outside of new York area; thanks

WELCOME SIB101854! Nice to have you with us. Why not start your own thread in the introduce yourself section?

After my wife confronted me about my addiction, she suggested that I seek help from a therapist and check out the site. I cannot tell you how inspiring it is to read the emails, realize that I am not alone, and that we all need help in facing the challenge of Shemiras Einayim, and fulfiling the challenge of Kedoshim Tihiyu in a world that almost devoid of a sense of Kedusha and Busha about a subject that we view as deserving a great deal of Kedusha and Tznius. We all have to face the challenge of how we intend to live our lives as described in Tefilas Neila. May we all be zoche to carry the heights of Elul, Tishrei, Tekias Shofar and Neilah on a daily basis in our lives.

Thanks!

cordnoy wrote:


I still don't remember how I got here.

You were looking for shmutz and you found GYE? How ironic!

I saw the article on Aish but i don't think it included GYE but my friend showed me the same article in Breslov and it had GYE, I checked it out.

I'm from America's hat: Canada!

I was looking up something dirty and found a website with links to this website and one other for Jews with addiction to these things i joined yesterday and i am very excited to finally work out my addictions

Gimpel123456789 wrote:


Probably cuz' I'm on this site.

Gimpel123456789 wrote:


Welcome; we are excited for you as well.

b'hatzlachah

Welcome gimple

I found gye from my night SEDER chavrusa after being on edge for months somehow our conversation Moved to my issue and he told me about gye I promised myself I'd join then I procrastinated until I acted out while I had unfiltered Internet and I joined 11:30 am edt כ״ט תשרי תשע״ה and I live in the tri state area