Stress and discontent (among other things) are what drive us to seek out our preferred drug, be it porn or mastubation or whatnot. when those little voices go off in my head saying, "oh, poor me, i did/did not get this or the other thing and i really need it, the wife/boss/friend made a funny-face at me/insulted me, i have too little money/time/kids/cars/houses/ears whatever... why not go for some relaxation and get some much deserved pleasure..."

that is the voice of addiction, the voice of the yetzer hara, whatever you prefer to call it.

trying to sell me a medication that guarantees that i will never finish the prescription, with life-long refills.

lusting will not make me happy, relaxed or feel accomplished. it will destroy my spark of life and turn me into a shell. a spent shell. it will destroy my connection to Hashem, my wife, my kids, my friends and last but not least, to GYE .

so if i feel stressed, i at least am aware of the fact and know that i need to keep safe and not vent by taking poison. some may prefer kickboxing. some may prefer jogging, origami, or making some new cholint recipe.

So let's sign up today and make sure to read each day's Chizuk e-mail. The Yetzer Hara will do
his best to get us to ignore the e-mails after a while, but if we are determined to break free - we
must make sure to read and internalize their messages every day. Like drops of water on Rabbi
Akiva's rock, a little Chizuk every day can make a very strong impression over time.


handbook  tool #4

90 days! 

This battle gets easier, not harder over time. Early on I used to equate this struggle to resistance training (i.e. strength training in the gym). When you're working out, the more reps you do, the more tired out you get. You know eventually you'll have to give in.

For a time I thought this struggle was the same way, and the more days you "resist" for, the more the pressure and urges will pile on. This isn't the case.

As long as we aren't actively inciting our taiva with thoughts and peeks, this struggle will become easier with time as your brain becomes accustomed to not acting out in response to stress-related or emotional cues.

Manage your expectations on what "getting free" means. We aren't aiming for a point where we never again have taivas for these things.

Sometimes it will be hard. This is especially true in the first few weeks, but even subsequently, sometimes you can go through phases of very strong taiva.

Even today on day 90 for instance I went through a "lust attack." Resurgences might be because you are stress, tired, depressed, anxious, hungry, the list goes on.

I used to think that "getting free" meant not having a yetzer hara. BH I still have a yetzer hara for these things as it means I am normal. 

7) Listen to shuirim on these issues and keep learning. They keep you engaged and motivated.

My top two recommendations are Rabbi Shafier's The Fight and Rabbi Moshe Weinberger's Chaburas Yosef HaTzaddik.

Rabbi Weinberger's series is really amazing. It's all about shmiras habris, but only a few episodes touch on it directly. Mostly it is a deep dive into the middah of yesod, and how to become a solid and grounded eved Hashem. It has helped me through many dark periods.