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Im ready to give up
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TOPIC: Im ready to give up 202 Views

Im ready to give up 04 May 2021 20:30 #367978

  • chancy
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I am ready to throw in the towel. I cant do this anymore. 
For the first time since i was 11 y/o i went 287 days without Masturbation  ill be truthful, i did look at some bad images here and there. But not even close to what ive  been doing for the last 20 years. 
However, my desires have only decreased in severity, meaning im able to block them out faster and not let them get to me. But, they have not decreased in frequency actually increased. meaning, im attracted to everything and everyone. Its pure torture for me to go to any store, because i have to fight the urge to look every second. Its exhausting and im exhausted. I suffer from something that could only be described as 'brain fog' and that makes it even harder for me to stay focused. The only time i can clearly focus is when aroused. Ive beseeched Hashem to help me be better. So far, nothing helped. im ready to give up. I cant go on like this. 

Re: Im ready to give up 04 May 2021 22:06 #367982

  • EvedHashem1836
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Do you remember what it was like when you were constantly giving in? Do you really want to go back to being in that state for the rest of your life? 

However bad this may be (I can't relate to you about the brain fog so I'm not sure how intense this is) the alternative is worse


Realize how much schar you get for every time you say no with such difficult circumstances. How are you willing to give up that opportunity?
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better
Last Edit: 04 May 2021 22:07 by EvedHashem1836.

Re: Im ready to give up 04 May 2021 22:33 #367984

  • Sapy
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Hi Chancy, from reading your post and your previous posts, it sounds like your issue isnt as much the urges to act out etc, but living life without it.
I can relate to some of what you wrote in the past.
I just wanna point out, that while you will probably feel better and more clear right after acting out, it's only until a few hours pass, you can already copy paste the same post for tomorrow with out the streak... you will need to act out again, and then again, to get your escape. It's just not worth it.
Maybe turn your focus to the underlying issues from what you are escaping, and what's causing you the brain fog to begin with.

Re: Im ready to give up 04 May 2021 23:17 #367985

  • chancy
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Thanks.
your are right, of course. I know that and therefore I started writing here instead of indulging.... I know that I just want an escape and my brain seems to be aware that I’m not giving it the junk I used to and it keeps pushing harder and harder to force me to give it some more. And sometimes I feel like it’s not possible to keep going. But what other choice do I have? Of course I don’t wanna go back to what I was doing. But I’m really exhausted from this struggle. I’ve been going to therapy to deal with my underlying conditions. It’s a long term thing though.
my question is, how do I program my mind to not get excited by every half attractive person? How do I dial it down? 

Re: Im ready to give up 04 May 2021 23:53 #367987

  • Sapy
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I'm happy to hear that you have a good therapist for the things that are bothering you.
What worked/works for me to stop getting triggered from everything, is to stop viewing women as objects, and stop seeing sex as an act for itself, rather it's an expression of connection.

Re: Im ready to give up 05 May 2021 20:29 #368025

  • chancy
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How do i stop viewing women as objects? 

Re: Im ready to give up 05 May 2021 22:36 #368030

  • Sapy
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chancy wrote on 05 May 2021 20:29:
How do i stop viewing women as objects? 

The question should really be just the opposite... how do we view women as objects? 
We all have wives and sisters and mothers etc are any of them objects? They all have a life, a personality, preferences, problems, and everything else, just like every human being! 
so why when we see a woman in the store do we just focus and only see her looks? Why dont we see a person?
So really it should not be hard to see them as a person, our minds were just corrupted by viewing porn, and lusting. 
And realizing this for itself, helped me get back to normal, realizing how corrupt my mind really is when I catch myself, ogling a woman etc helped me to stop and focus on her as a person, mother, sister etc 
Last Edit: 06 May 2021 13:05 by Sapy.

Re: Im ready to give up 06 May 2021 04:48 #368041

  • wilnevergiveup
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I think HHM would say to daven for them.

Daven that their kids should sleep through the night. 

Daven that they should have an easy time in the morning.

Daven that their boss shouldn't yell at them.

The reality is that they are people. The reality is that there is something behind the physical, something human, something spiritual. 

I had a thought recently, that the reason why men are not supposed to talk to women is not just for our lusting issues. It may be also a bein adam l'chaveiro issue that we are worried about. When we (us lusters) see a women, or speak to one, we really don't speak to the real person. All we see is the part that will eventually end up in the grave, the shell, the garment. We get stuck there and don't see any further. Forget lusting, this is an issue in and of itself. If you can tap into the neshama of another person, the human part of them, the part that laughs and cries, the part that has feelings and emotions, care and compassion, we won't have such an issue. Some women are pretty some average and some less than that, but their appearance hardly represents their humanity, the human aspect of them. 

Treat them like humans and they will become less of an object. See beyond the physical, see their trials and triumphs, their challenges and their pain. Their human side, their inside, is very similar to mine and yours.

It takes work, but working on the truth is work that works in the end. 
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Im ready to give up 06 May 2021 18:26 #368075

  • chancy
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I Know all of that. And i treat women very respectfully. I work with a lot of women and nobody every had a problem with me. I have a wife and 4 daughters and i treat them very nicely..... 
However, that doesn't help one bit that when i see halfway attractive women my brain immediately wants to see them naked. I don't fantasize about them and i stop the thought that millisecond! However, my mind is stuck in that. its like a bulb light goes off every time i see something attractive, i can ignore the light but its very hard to go on the street to keep on fighting every second. 
​How do i un-train my brain from all the shmuts i saw? I thought itll get better as time goes on but it didn't. 

Re: Im ready to give up 06 May 2021 20:14 #368079

  • DavidT
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You could try, as an exercise, asking yourself what this women  might be thinking. What do you think her hopes and dreams are? Where is she going when she leaves this room? What are her hobbies? What does she worry about? When people-watching, particularly, start making up internal lives for the women you see. Just imagine it all up.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling attracted to women. It's counterproductive and will just leave you resentful. The difference between objectifying and feeling attracted is all in seeing her as a person with her own internal life. Just acknowledge the attraction and then move your attention to who she is as a person.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 06 May 2021 20:15 by DavidT.
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