As i mentioned quite a few times during my first 90 days here on the site, the biggest fence i have that allows me to have a clear delineation between slipping, acting out and staying strong is shmirat eynayim.
Since what triggers me is half of the worlds population, it means I have to remain vigilant at all times.
I can't escape the world, i'm meant to live in it.
For me the problem is less when i have to engage in conversation and treat the female of the species like a fellow human being, but the moment there is a distance then there is an ingrained tendency to objectify.
I remember very clearly how when i was immersed in porn in the evenings, my days would be filled with objectifying women from afar and lusting about them as if they were all part of the same porn.
Seeing and Looking are very different. My eyes are open (especially when driving and in front of the computer) and so i see many things, but i am slowly training myself not to look, and more importantly not to look twice (or for more than split seconds).
And this is the delineation that I spoke about.
The moment i look or look twice, is the moment that i begin lusting.
Yes I know that for all of us, the mind is also very powerful and lusting starts in the mind, but I find that when you are actively busy focusing on not looking, the mind is then pre-occupied and has little time to lust. And I am noticing that as time goes on, being vigilant with my eyes (including not trying to steal looks at parts of my wife when it isnt appropriate) is having a knock on effect with my lusting.
The less i look the less i lust.
There are also many little victories.
Without going into triggering details, there are many situations that not only can you not look, you mamish have to look away and hold strong.
Those are little victories that in the past would have turned into a quick porn frenzy within hours.
Will I ever be able to leave the house and forget that I need to remain vigilant?
I don't think so but i don't know, and its not my avodah right now. It might become second nature to not look and to avert immediately, but for now, its something i have to do manually.
I thought about making this thread for everyone who is interested in this level of vigilance to join and keep accountability on and share tough moments and successes.
Because its not an easy thing, and for us p/m'ers its its actually a very difficult thing I think it could be a thread similar to the night time computer accountability thread, where guys can come here and make commitments for X amount of days to be vigilant with their eyes at a stricter level than they are used to and share the journey and the difficulties, and maybe even make a little $1-$5 knas system for GYE's benefit if it helps to keep the day clean from looking.
So if you are currently on the fence to take that next step, or you have extended time doing this, veteran or noob then come join me in this thread as we work on keeping the windows to our souls clean from lust, and sharing that journey.

So in the past 24 hours i have been subjected to at least 2 very bad images that slipped very quickly past my brain and I felt the effect on them when i went out in the car this morning. I felt that i had to work harder to look the other way when triggers hit my radar then on previous days. And it kinda shook me up a little. BH I didn't look at them. I think part of the shook up was the not so distant memory of how these little triggers in the day would spark me up into a porn frenzy at night. But I was LOOKING at them in those days, and now i barely saw them. But that memory of the recent past remains fresh.
For guys living in a goyishe big city, this kind of nisayon can happen 200 times in the space of an hour. For me they were just pixels on a little screen that I had no choice about them going past my radar, but i had a big choice about how to make sure they didn't remain there, or get stared at or push me to doing anything about them.
Anyways thats my first share on this thread... Thanks for listening.

Just found this on the site,
Windows of the soul.
Here is a quote from the first chapter.

From the white book.

Hmmm....four days and no comments on this thread. I wonder if this is an exclusive group thread. Perhaps it is locked? I'll give it a try.

Firstly, just for argument sake, it seems that currently there are slightly more males in the world than femalesI.

Might also depend on the country.

Secondly, why do you think it is that the gender ratio is 1:1? What is the purpose of that? Do you think it always was like that? Howbout in the times that each man had multipleI wives; was the ratio still the same?

These are once again important questions, but probably not for the insomniac, for it will keep him up.

And this shouldn't take away from the significance of the real tochen of this thread, for my dear friend here is really a shinin' example for those willin' to take serious steps towards recovery.

Firstly thanks for joining...

Your points remind me of my favorite Navi.

וְהֶחֱזִיקוּ שֶׁבַע נָשִׁים בְּאִישׁ אֶחָד בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא לֵאמֹר לַחְמֵנוּ נֹאכֵל וְשִׂמְלָתֵנוּ נִלְבָּשׁ רַק יִקָּרֵא שִׁמְךָ עָלֵינוּ אֱסֹף חֶרְפָּתֵנוּ

It is well known that Kiryat Arba has a disproportionate ratio of girls to boys. One of the main reasons i didn't hang out there too often I guess



Seriously though, I can't answer for the past but why does the Navi suggest that there will be a dearth of men in the world after mashiach?

What could us men possibly mess up on!



Thank you for your kind words, they add validation to my journey and give me added strength to fortify my truck with bi-directional tinted windows!

It is truly my pleasure.

YourI words on the forum, and your heart, passion and soul-searchin' on the phone and emails all demonstrate a willingness to seek the truthI about yourself. May your will for honest recovery continue.

B'hatzlachah

Hakolhevel wrote on 30 Mar 2017 04:11:

Car, boat, truck, plane and train.

Must be some significance in that.

cordnoy wrote on 04 Apr 2017 01:24:

On all of the above you can both clap and wear a gartle 

GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 17:55:

What's all the clappin' about?

Did I miss somethin'?

GrowStrong wrote on 04 Apr 2017 17:55:

on the boat you might get the gartle tangled with the sails.
You'd better not be the one driving the car!!