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What I've learned about myself
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TOPIC: What I've learned about myself 2267 Views

What I've learned about myself 20 Dec 2016 21:04 #300620

  • Meier
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120 days clean BH 
heres afew things that I learned about myself so far.
Reacting with anger to ANYTHING is wrong. in my case I believe that rage was part of what led me down to the bottom of porn hell.
Now let write this next sentence in capital letters.
I'M NOT JUSTIFYING MY ACTIONS AND I'M NOT BLAMING ANYONE OR USING IT AS A EXCUSE.JUST FACTS
While growing up,the reaction I observed in my father to anything that didn't go his way or any inconveniences was anger and rage.so naturally that's how I reacted as well. (and unfortunately sometimes still do but BH less and less)
A silent partner to anger and rage is the "screw it" or "to hell with it" response/reaction to deal with whatever it was that got me angry in the first place.
for instance.im driving down the highway and someone cuts me off.the reaction is anger.but getting in the left lane (sorry UK) and passing the car and than cutting him off as payback, or speeding ,is not anger anymore. that's the reaction to anger.yes it's done in a rage but it's a different emotion.
It's the second one that gets me into trouble.
Not only with shmutz but in life generally.
(thats not to say that anger isn't a problem it definitely is a big one.and I'm working on it too.)
but the "screw it" attitude in a way is worse.because even without getting angry I didn't even realize that I was dealing with alot of things with the "screw it" attitude.
in terms of porn 
when I used to click on a video link on any news website that turned out to be inappropriate.my response was "screw it" and I watched it.(and we all know where that ends)Even though there was a couple of seconds when I knew that it's probably wrong.
Now I'm trying to deal with everything that doesn't go my way( EVEN When I don't get angry)with a logical reaction.and BH the dividends are amazing.
Another thing that I realized keeping MY TIME to myself and not sharing it with my wife and kids is selfish.
if it's gibberish to some of you please forgive me. 
All's I'm trying to do is write things that I experienced myself that might help someone else
Last Edit: 20 Dec 2016 21:07 by Meier. Reason: Just wanted to check the little box. That sends me emails with responses

Re: What I've learned about myself 21 Dec 2016 08:40 #300675

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Sorry to clog up your emails, re the reason for your edit.

Very nice. I like the differentiation of anger vs the attitude of acting out of anger. I also have a deranged "Screw It" mentality. Let's work on it
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Re: What I've learned about myself 21 Dec 2016 14:38 #300709

  • cordnoy
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Many of those bad tendencies I had and still have. Therapy, meetings, workin' on myself and the 12 steps did wonders. Don't ask me; ask my wife.

B'hatzlachah to you.
Keep on workin' it!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
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Re: What I've learned about myself 21 Dec 2016 17:22 #300739

  • shlomo24
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In my fellowship, and others, we call this malady "Getting a case of the f*** it's."
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: What I've learned about myself 22 Dec 2016 04:29 #300805

  • Meier
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This  happened today
a truck pulled out in front of me.I had a passenger with me.and I said OUT LOUD
I'm gonna do so and so to this truck.and than I didn't do anything.i was thinking about it later on.and it dawned on me.when I said  out loud what I wanted to do.I listened to myself and it was as if I was listening to somebody else and I ended  up shrugging off the incident.
So here's what I'm gonna try to do from now on.i will say OUT LOUD what I want to do and if I don't like what I'm hearing maybe hopefully I won't do anything.
I will keep you posted if it works

Re: What I've learned about myself 22 Dec 2016 06:09 #300813

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Meier wrote on 22 Dec 2016 04:29:
This  happened today
a truck pulled out in front of me.I had a passenger with me.and I said OUT LOUD
I'm gonna do so and so to this truck.and than I didn't do anything.i was thinking about it later on.and it dawned on me.when I said  out loud what I wanted to do.I listened to myself and it was as if I was listening to somebody else and I ended  up shrugging off the incident.
So here's what I'm gonna try to do from now on.i will say OUT LOUD what I want to do and if I don't like what I'm hearing maybe hopefully I won't do anything.
I will keep you posted if it works

Don't know about you, but if I would say out loud what I wanna do, I'd be in serious trouble.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1Page 2Page 3Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
My job: Punchin' bag of GYE - "NeshamaInCharge"
Quote from the chevra: "Is Cordnoy truly a Treasure Island pirate from the Southern Seas?"

MY POSTS ARE NOT WRITTEN AS A MODERATOR UNLESS EXPLICITLY STATED.

Re: What I've learned about myself 22 Dec 2016 14:57 #300840

  • Meier
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Cord that's actually a great berometor.If there's something that we want to do that we can't say OUT LOUD than maybe we shouldn't do it.thank you now I have another tool in my toolbox I'M serious

Re: What I've learned about myself 22 Dec 2016 15:50 #300855

  • shlomo24
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For me, I need to say the things that I want to do OUT LOUD otherwise I might actually do them.
If you're an LGBTQ or LGBTQ-questioning person and looking for someone who can understand you, feel free to reach out. I promise no judgement and to try and listen the best I can. 

Email: iam24zman@gmail.com

Re: What I've learned about myself 28 Dec 2016 01:34 #301336

  • Meier
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Wow wow How amazing it feels to discipline my son and at the same time educate.and.I DON'T FEEL LIKE A HYPOCRITE.its a great feeling.
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