After 150 days!! of no falls and very few slips, [Since I joined GYE], I was confronted with a challenge which had as of yet not come up since I started the count. It was about reading an article about a woman who used to be a highly paid prostitute and after almost being killed by a customer, she quit, and decided to do research on the psychology of her former clients, she called them and interviewed them etc.
I know that the only reason I read the article was because of the triggers which it contained. During the reading I did think a few times that "I shouldn't be reading this type of material", but unfortunately I just continued to read it through to the end.
BH I did not come to any physical acting out through the article.

After much debating, I made the decision NOT to reset my count completely, but I decided to start a new "categorized" count. This means I made my own chart and divided into different sections.
There's a section for for physical acting out, [which has subsections for various "stages" of A.O.].
There's a section for shmiras einayim [Guard Your Eyes], which is divided into subsections of "live Triggers" and "Triggering photos" [online or outside billboards or in other printed matter - and another section for printed matter without photographs.
The reason why I did this is because I feel that although I may have slipped/fallen in one area I don't have to see this as a general failure, but it can be a "categorical fail", while keeping up my progress count in the other areas.
I think this method might be helpful to other guys here too.

After thinking about this, I decided to take this even a step further.

I have a column next to each section, which is for me to keep a note, in case I did fall, whether was an intentional slip/fall, or a second look etc.
If I had a challenge and I withstood it, I'll make a note of the strength of it [1-5], and what tools I used against it.

I feel that by keeping track of my progress in the various categories, I gain 2 things, 1- as I wrote above I still have the encouragement of the areas where I have not yet fallen, and 2- that I can learn from the experience how to stay alert in each area and what tools I can use to help me succeed.

This part is a bit more detailed, so if anyone wants to they can use just the first idea of keeping separate counts for different areas of challenge.

Glad to hear that limaase you didn't act out!
Whatever works for you- Gevaldig!

I would think it may be over the top and too obsessive, especially since counting should be a 'oh look how much time has gone by' kind of thing. But maybe it is just what you need.

Let us know how you are doing with it.

shivis,

LOl that sounds like a good idea (for a list maker like me ) i sorta do that in my mind but no chart yet .I will keep it in mind .

thanks swards

Keep it simple.

LOL gibbor i like simple also but if shivs likes it go for it , What ever it takes

ewards

I was speaking with a fellow GYEr last year and he commented on a proposed strategy that basically made a game out of "out of how many times do i not look at a girl." He told me that this isn't a good strategy because its holding our breath. In that we are actively and constantly trying not to look and not actually recovering.

I think this is the same. Its just holding our breath. As it is, i don't like the 90 day challenge because it makes recovery into a challenge not plain recovery. It may be boring but i works. Sorry folks.

Also all this labelling is confusing and even if we do fall, we shouldn't really care. We should just keep moving right a long and continue our actualrecovery plan.

My thoughts. If it works for you, it works. if it makes you crazy, it makes you crazy.

dms

I see your point and well taken thanks for the insite and you don't need to be sorry (a real good point and I receive it ) thanks

ewardsB)

dms1234 wrote:


Recovery IS a challenge and NOTHING can change that!!!!!

dms1234 wrote:


Maybe to you, to me it's exactly the opposite!
It makes order out of things so I have a clear picture of where I stand.

dms1234 wrote:

I agree that we should't let afall impede out progress,but rather use it as a tool to learn from, but saying "we shouldn't care" is IMHO wrong. The reason I am here is BECAUSE I DO care about a fall, if I didn't I would fall right back into "AO Hell" ( please don't sue me AOL, I used to be one of your greatest participants until gchat wiped you off the face of the screen).

dms1234 wrote:


Sure we must continue our recovery plan, this is very much a part of my actual recovery plan, I do it so that I can see where I'm at so I know where I need to go from here.

dms1234 wrote:


Sometimes that which "makes us crazy" works best!

OOPS! I should have been more specific. I don't mean we shouldn't really care in that we should have apathy. I agree we just learn fom every fall.

I mean we shouldn't take it so hard. We sometimes get depressed and it really brings us down and digs us into a deeper whole. I think we must learn from our fall and then right away keep going. Not dwell on past falls so much.

Shivs, like I said, whatever works for you. But in my expierence is that the simplest I make recovery the better and the more I concentrate on living life and not on not falling the better.

Plus, I am a perfectionist and I love planning and calculating and thinking. Too much scheduling and not enough doing.

Anyhow, Bhatzlacha!

Forgot one thing. One of my biggest pet peeves is making recovery into a challenge or a war. Something we have to beat. Sometimes it works as a good moshul but for me (if it works for you then fine) it is completely destructive.

I must realize I am completely powerless against the yetzer. I can't win. If I so much as enter the ring I am done. First sip right? Therefore, I try to avoid the fight.

Getting all fired up doesn't work for me. I need calmness, tranquility. I need to calm down. I am so uptight and stressed. I need to calm down and realize Hashem loves me, cares for me and BELIEVES in me.

Then I carry on through my day.

My experiences! I have always said that the idf is lucky I am not a soldier . Even if they would approve to let me learn all day than to let me place a hand on a gun.

too much thinking.

(i purposely write short, so at most he can dissect only 3 words )

For the most part, recovery is about learning to live, and not being obessed. Being obsessed with not being obsessed, seems to me, to be overly obsessive

But hey, it will either work or it won't.

Let us know either way.

Shvisi & DMS, you guys both have valid points, I don't know which to choose/try.

G__D Luck to all.

Snuck wrote:


You can try one way and if it doesn't work for you then try the other.
That's the one thing we both agree on, that the best way is the way THAT WORKS FOR YOU!