how am i? with suicidal thaughts....  ;D  maybe ill go for castration.... OUCH

laagvokeles wrote on 03 Jul 2011 20:41:


Judging from your choice of smiley, I guess the appropriate response is your very own favorite "ggggg lol"...

wow im impressed!!!

By what?

how u know me so good

How well do I know you?

lol 
to know when i would say lol....

Castration is a lot of fun, they say.

But if you don't believe the "they" ("they" is usually means "angry women"! ), then I promise you thet what seems very hard to you now will be extremely easy to you as time goes on. Telling over your entire story to another real person once seeemed crazy to you, maybe very hard, too. But that chaged a little.

The work is not that hard, it's a little hard, that's all. And it is simple. Giving up some things is of course neecessary or else it is all a big joke - just a la'ag vokeless, nothing more.

There is magic. It is magic that drunks are not drinking today. Hashem is the main ingredient. I only shared with you the chitzoniyus, because you denied the pnimiyus already a few times.

It really does work if you work it, but there are many who are not interested in working it.

The steps are the ikkar, and that is what a sponsor and a group are for - one step at a time is basic return to sanity and basic allowing Hashem back into our real life. That is what the steps are for - not for stopping us from acting out. No. It is for making the acting out irrelevant, because we do not need to act out - we have Hashem and we have a life. That is all the steps are for. The original AA guys call that "a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps".

Stop thinking so much about stopping your dumb crazy behaviors - there is no way you will succeed at controlling that. All you can do is take a step ahead, give up one thing that makes it impossible to stay clean. And do the next bit if stepwork with another addict friend. And Hashem will make your efforts grow into success.

That is the magic.

It really is magic, for as you can see, it is impossible for a real lust drunk to let go of it all and stay clean. Just impossible. We cannot do it. No way. That is who the program is meant for - the ones who need a neis, period.

So we take one step, by putting our secrecy on the mizbayach and going ahead and sharing our garbage with others. We find a group that we can join, share all the truth about ourselves with, and follow a few little directions to stay clean.

Like I told you - it i means a few calls besha'as ma'aseh, a little writing besha'as ma'aseh and not besha'as ma'aseh, and some honesty. Then we will not have to act out with the lust. We will not have to - do you hear me? It works. If you work it. If you think about it and understand it it does not work - it only does anything at all if you do it.

You are one of the lucky ones, so keep doing. Stop screaming lite a scared girl and just keep doing. Put your nose to the grinding wheel and you will be fine. Stop looking 2, 5, 20 steps ahead and saying, "but that's  impossible!!"

It will be OK. Treat yourself like a beheimoh a little - they only see the next little bit and that is all that exists for them. Sheep do not worry very much. They do not need anti-depressants, and they do not commit suicide. They see grass, they eat grass. And it's OK. (unless they are on a meat farm :o)

Ta'isi k'seh oveid!

You are a good man. Next!!
 

unbelieveble..... it sounds like i am gonna chas veshalom mastiurbate, but u are gonna burn in hell for me....
cause i feel like its basicly out of my responsability....
so whats next?
what should i do now?

I am going home to hug my kids. You go ahead and play around with whatever you want, it is your problem, not my responsibilty and gezunterheit. Call me if you want to share something, and have a good night.

Love (really),

Dov

so dov, what should i do now?, whats on the menu of my recovery now?

gevalt. You need support, friends to continue to be open with all your mishega'as. This is not just a thing about lust, but about how your geeshah to life and people is and your geeshah to Hashem bichlal. You have said this exact thing yourself before, but nibah v'lo yadah....

That is exactly the answer of these recovery groups. They do not get involved with what you believe in, or who you are. They are about getting your seichel straight in very specific ways - the steps. There is not instruction lessons "do this, not that" - rather, the steps are tools. Your life and your messed up brain is like so - use this tool on it...and what comes out is sobriety, growing sanity, and more and more freedom from lust.

In my group there are hairdressers sponsoring lawyers, 25-year-old school teachers sponsoring 60-year-old family doctors, Talmidei chachomim sponsoring shaigetzes (shkotzim?), old to young, young to old, I saw the same guy sponsor a Mormon and (l'havdil) a 4th grade Rebbi at the very same time...the thing that makes everybody the same need in the room OK with this is that they all need the same thing. They are all perverts who need to get better. And they all know that sometimes they will badly, badly miss their sweet porn, they will miss their masturbation, they will miss their prostitutes, whatever. So tell me, how is the Rov who misses his pretty prostitute (or pretty porn star) any different from the goyishe farm boy who misses the same woman? They both have yenner mach'loh, R"l. They have the same problem. One goes out of her room and the other comes in the other door....she laughs between them. And if the same men meet each other twenty minutes later in the street each of them look at the other guy and says (like you do), "yechh, what a low-life that sheigetz/that rabbi is!"

Hmmm. What is going on here?

One guy Hashem wants him to be meyached yichudim and learning Gefe"ss with Maharsh"o, Chumah and Rashi and maybe Sha'ar haKavonos - and the other, Hashem wants that he should be throwing hay to cows. Yes He does. He wants that, too.

So? Once they both get better, they will both be able iy"H to go back, each to his tachlis in this little life. That is what 12 steps recovery is for!   

And what is your tachlis? How far away from it are you when you are kvetching in secret with the the nudes and the fantasies? Farther than the difference between you doing Hashem's Will and a goy doing Hashem's Will? No way. They are both doing Hashem's Will, or not doing it. And when either of them look at porn they are both far from hashem's Will. all that matters is the great moment, the perfect view of her body part or whatever...it is the same kilayon, both for the farm boy and for the Rov or rebbe who is doing it. The same insanity - and so they are both found at SA meetings. 

What the goyishe farm boy has is still not good enough for you?

Thanks dov.

I needed that. I'll have to re-read it when I have some more time.

And thanks laag for being the vehicle of some of dov's most gevaldige posts in the recent age.

Oh -and if I'm already at it -thanks Guard for this wonderful forum!

Laag - I thought about you last Motzei Shabbos.  As I was saying Hamavdil bein Kodesh L'Chol, I thought about the separation between you and other people, and it gave me pause for thought.

oh i am diffrent huh....?