i am a FLOP

So why are you feeling horrible today?

man thats boring...
;D

This is crazy.

What is the connection between chizzuk for an avaryan not to give in to yi'ush, and the acceptance of being a loser to lust?

The one who gives in to the truth has no reason to despair. Hashem's chosem is Truth. He loves it. We find Hashem in Truth, not in falsehood, no matter how well-intentioned it may be. If I am a failure at using lust successfully (that is, without doing an aveiro and without getting in any other kind of trouble), then I am a loser at lusting, period.

That's bad to admit? Who says?

The chickens who say that it is terrible, just do not know the power in the human spirit has for self-preservation (my mother told me she only discovered it herself, in Aushwitz) and they also do not know how powerful and real Hashem is.   

I am not a Breslover. But I doubt Rebbe Nachman would have put his hand on my shoulder 15 years ago and said to me, "Sweet tayereh Doiveleh. Don't give up! Keep on your struggle (of course, keep it secret from your wife, we wouldn;t want to upset the apple cart, you know. Your s'dorim might suffer if you told her and she kicked you out of the house, and it would destroy your Sholom Bayis, which, after all, brings the Sh'chinah in your home! So keep lying and betraying your wife. Do it for the Sh'chinah!

I know you feel like Hashem hates you because you fall sometimes. But I want you to stay right where you are and keep struggling, for every time you don't visit the massage parlor and don't make a dirty phone call and don't masturbate, is so, so, precious to Hashem and such a beautiful thing! Stay sitting in your excrement for the sake of the Sh'chinah!

Nu. So you give in to each of those things and lie to your wife, parents, and klal Yisroel and everybody else about who you really are. You even lie to the hookers about who you really are the other way, trying not to make a chillul Hashem. That's so precious! Don't you dare to change this!

You keep acting out like an animal every week or so, and are slowly getting worse and worse. So? You are worried about where this is leading you and afraid of what it is doing to your self-respect as a Yid. So? Don't you see your tremendous gayvoh at work again? Why expect better for yourself? Be mevatel your aspirations to Hashem! Now that's avodah!

You are lying and see that you are out of control as a husband, a father, and a man. You feel you lack a tzelem Elokim already. Don't give it to that! It's not that bad!! Ein yi'ush klal! Keep your attitude that you "will definitely quit next time!" Trust in Hashem to take away the nisayon from you next time, as you always have. What - don't you have emunah that He can do it?" 

Yi'ush is the greatest mitzvah in the world, and the greatest middah - when it is used ON the acting out. When it is used ON the lies we tell ourselves that we can use lust and still keep it under the control of our sechel. The insanity needs complete yi'ush. Only this way can we ever have no hope at all in our false gods, our loves, and our twisted brains. There is no other way I know for an addict.

True, if you are a normal yid with a YH for porn, none of this applies to you. You need to keep fighting with all your strength to stay on the high road. Every time you fall must be a lesson of what NOT to do next time.

But if you see it has become a habit for you that ultimately, eventually always wins and gains control of your life....that you keep trying to use it and control it - though you really do not have control in the end anyhow and keep using it though other valuable areas of your life are being sacrificed to it...then you are probably an addict.

Give up completely, drop the gayvoh, and shame. Ask Hashem to help you drop it like the hot potato it is. And realize that there is no way you can make it in this fight, at all. Give all the credit to Hashem, and prove that you are not ashamed and really believe that you are ill. The only way to do that is to openly share the truth about yourself with others (who are safe). A diabetic does not have so much shame - he asks for help and admits his disease to to those who might be able to help him out.

The destruction we cause ourselves, our wives, our families, and klal Yisroel while we tarry and trust in false bitachon and false pride of false 'kavod haSh'chinah' and false 'Shalom Bayis' is tragic. The damage builds up, and the betrayal is not fair at all.

Yi'ush of lies, is good.

Hashem yishmereinu mishgiyos, and may no one be hurt by applying this wrongly. Amen.

dov wrote on 03 Jun 2011 00:14:


im not sure if thats a good siman, i dont manage in many aspects of my life who have influence on all the rest. so maybe im hust a baal aveirah not a addict.

dov wrote on 03 Jun 2011 00:14:


question:
why does it help speacking? cause of the ideas? (i know 99.99%, dont u think? if u dont think i know all the ideas tell me one, to show me....)
or is it cause speacking is a releaf?

and please all the stupid ppl scared for dovs health by answering me, to your infromation hes more than 40 years old and hes not a sisey, so live him alone, and let him answer, ggggg u ppl drive me bananas.

Wow I'm impressed you actually read it.

1- it's a bad siman (in other words, maybe you are not an addict) because you are a mess in other areas beside schmutz? Not at all! Fakhert, in some cases the craziness is in many parts of our lives - and there are also Navy SEALS who are pathetic drunks. Even yekki's are addicts sometimes (and they always come to meetings on time! :o).  Maybe I don't get your point. Whatever.

2- it's not speaking that helps, but speaking the truth about ourselves. And to another person who we take seriously. R' Yochanan ben Zakai was dying and he blessed his talmidim (tanno'im, no?) to have yir'as Shomayim as strong as yir'as bosor vodom. They say "Huh? That's it?" He said - "Don't fool yourselves, tayereh chevra. A person - that means even you rabbi junior tanno'im - says to himself, "Nu. It's OK, as long as no person sees me!"

How are we to understand this, especially remembering niskatnu hadoros? The truth is simply that we act a part. All the time. We act the way society wishes to see us. We act the part so we get from others what we want, and act the part so we do not lose what we think is coming to us. We humans are pathetic - but so what? Even tanno'im have that challenge! What - I must be a tzaddik yesod olam?

But that's for non-addicts. If someone is an addict, he (or she) cannot get sober (with the steps) unless they get some real emunah b'chush. Real belief that G-d is really here with them. That He really loves me even when I am looking at porn - how much more so when I am trying to stay sober to be useful and have a real life, not just live a big sad joke. That He will help me let go of the pain of not getting my candy/drug that is porn this time right now. Life will still be good cuz He will make it so. Cuz He really exists and really has the power and really loves me anyway.

How the heck are you going to get that if you cannot even suffer to tell some safe addict the dirty truth about you and your stupid fetishes and embarrassing habits. We are exactly as sick as our secrets. Telling them is not the end, but the beginning. It is the key - now you can open the door. That's all the rest of the work, be"H.

Does that mean anything to you?

4- my mother tells me I am still 39.

5- people here worry about me because my mother tells them to.

6- shut up and do something already.

Laag,

When you're done learning (!) for the day, I would love to hear another small vort. 

And I shall preemptively answer your question:  Because you have a Chazaka.

dov what i mean is:
you say והא ראיה that im a addict because i keep coming back ככלב השב לקיאו

that is not a ראיה, cause i did 1000000000 times tshuvah on lashon hara and i fell back . 100000000 times on כעס and i fell back.
dosnt כעס have a influence on everething in our life? kids marriage, friends, quality of life? and even so, i fell back. nu, am i a כעס addict? YES I AM.
so? i have to talk to someone?
no.
i just gotta brake my stinky boddy my stinky midot my stinky me.
how?
dont know... hope there is a prescription in the tora... if there is ill evidently use it... wait and see...

please dov dont get only my sarcastic תוכן.  get the question i have on your theory.

jester:
do we need to do קידוש החודש from sivan? why? we any way know when its rosh chodesh, cause we caunt 49 days, and on the 50th its shavuot, and shavuot is on the 6th of sivan, so we know everething. so we know that 6 days before shavuot is rosh chodesh, so do we need קידוש החודש?

lets stay by the question.

the day ill meet u, i will kill u.

laagvokeles wrote on 03 Jun 2011 11:49:


I believe that there is a prescription.  But if the answer is Torah, how can we put Torah into a toilet like you?  Hmm?

didnt the rambam use a bathrom? ;D

laagvokeles wrote on 03 Jun 2011 11:54:

The answer I learnt to the question of why 2 days in Chutz L'Aretz was to not confuse people.  Am I right?




That's what they all say

jester im not sure what u mean by the answer etc. (2 days out of israel הזהרו במנהג וכו)

but i dont wanna do here ping pong with u cause if ill do, what point is there to go out of the kolel?
here, ping pong only about porn 

laagvokeles wrote on 03 Jun 2011 14:02:

What is the answer, then?




What point is there to go into the Kollel?  You could be doing other things all day!