laagvokeles wrote on 26 May 2011 21:11:


Gotcha.  I really admire your honesty.

If you were advising someone else in a similar situation, what would you say?




I think it's Tchaikowsky.  Or Tchaikovsky.  It's Russian, and I've seen it spelled a few ways.

Do you often have people around for Shabbos/Yom Tov?  Dinner parties?

TheJester wrote on 26 May 2011 21:23:


"man, i have pitty for you, ill daven for you"

and no i give a lot of love to my family, but very little to others... they even disturb me give love to my own.... i wanna give atention to my beautifool tzadikim, and unstead i gotta ask my gest if he wants more coke.... i dont invite.

laagvokeles wrote on 26 May 2011 21:36:


No advice, just pity?

Surely you're not being literal...?  You begrudge having to be a host to that extent?

TheJester wrote on 26 May 2011 23:34:


well, i can have a bit of a advice, just its not really a advice wich is: dont look forwads so much, through your self to hashem, get conected again to him, and hope that the joy of been close to hashem, is gonna keep u bussey, so no need for movies.
in other words start from now to be a tzadik as the gaon from vilna...
you see the problem in this...? ;D
But the second im just a regular guy, well..... i need entertainement too.....

about the gest.... i was been a bit מגזים so u get my point, but the nekude is exactly that...
(and i wouldnt invite a couple NO WAY.... you know why...?  if something only a poor guy who dosnt have where to eat, and u know how boring it usually is...)

laagvokeles wrote on 27 May 2011 09:52:


So, in summary:
-You love your connection to Hashem, and hold it dear above all else.  When you are connected, you feel amazing, and a stronger bond towards your family.
-You watch pornography as a direct result of watching movies.  You masturbate as a direct result of both of these (correct me if I am wrong).
-Internet is your gateway to movies and pornography.
-You do not feel that you can give up your entertainment, even though you know you will feel amazing if you do, and you are polluting your body, soul and family if you cannot give it up.
-You believe that Teshuva is stopping, and becoming an all-round Tzaddik (Question: is there any value in partial Teshuva?)
-You fear the emptiness left behind by pornography, movies and therefore masturbation.
-You have nothing to replace this emptiness.  This scares you.
-Your mind and soul are not comfortable with your life and lifestyle - you keenly miss the Kesher with Hashem, and you see yourself as being tainted and unable to be repaired as you are now.  That is why you find yourself on here.
-Nevertheless, you find it difficult to let go of these things and change.
-You are comfortable in your current life and lifestyle, in that your body goes through the motions, it feels good, and if you don't think about it too much, it isn't really so bad.
-You are otherwise happy with what Hashem has given you - your family, your income, your health and wellbeing.
-As a person, you focus mostly on yourself, then on your family. You do not have a network of close friends.  (again, correct me if I am wrong)
-Your learning and davening suffers because of the connection you feel that you have lost.
-You want to regain the good, clean, tahor feeling you once had.

One question:
Why are you frum?

One request:
I always had a major issue within my Yiddishkeit, and I would like your perspective on it.  It's a slightly guilty admission, but I think that you, specifically, could help.

I was taught that we must truly want Moshiach.  I was taught that Moshiach would bring everything good to the world, and the things we enjoyed doing now, we would not enjoy doing when he comes, because they would be like "dust".  Instead, we would get to do stuff that's infinitely better and more pleasurable and holy.

I felt guilty, because when I thought that all the things I enjoyed would disappear, and I would no longer enjoy them, I couldn't want Moshiach to come.  Eventually I grew up, and realized what it really means.  But I still find I cannot want him as much as I should - I've even worried "what if he comes before I get to...".  How can I want him more?

wow!
im very ofended!
u wanna tell me i dont speack so clear as u just did in last post???
dammn u puted a niddle(מחט) on me man! nice! impressed!

TheJester wrote on 27 May 2011 11:21:


no, no partial teshuva, i really have to be conected, if i have holes im not conected (if i do teshuva im carefool with lahon hara etc.... its a lot of stress) it dosnt go diffrently, the porn is a huge power the biggest to my knowledge, you wanna win it you need full backup of hashem, its a complicated issue, ill speack more if youll ask a question in this matter.

i dont fear the emptiness, i just know its a bracha levatala to try at all, as i know i need to full up hs of entertainement, and with what should i do it. like you wrote your self about me
-"You have nothing to replace this emptiness."  you probably ment empiness בפועל not in my heart...

TheJester wrote on 27 May 2011 11:21:


gggg, wow!
u got me there....
well first of all, i have no doubt after research, that there is a go-d, and that the torah he really gave it, and we are his ppl, and we gotta do what the torah says... i have not even the smallest smallest doubt....
And its a big shame that i have no doubt, because if i would have a doubt, i would through my judaism out of the window, but to my liitle luck (בעצם im lucky) im really big time stuck....

Now this knowledge is not enough to keep me with such ortodox family and kehila, if i would have no strings who atache me (like money from my parents.....) i would MAYBE say asta la vista sweet יידישקייט....
But again i will never ever have funn over there because i would know im wrong, so bh im stuck ... i have to be a good jew....

Do you drink beer?  Have you ever been to a pub?

i drink beer (love it) ,never been in a pub

laagvokeles wrote on 27 May 2011 13:02:


One day, you and I will have a beer together.

What are your Shabbos plans?

i cant wait....!
i invited a meshulach for shabat day...

how old are u jester?

laagvokeles wrote on 27 May 2011 14:04:


Within a year or two of your age.

i must say im impresed by you.
tell me do u have any atachments with lubavitch?

laagvokeles wrote on 27 May 2011 14:08:


Show me a Jew, anywhere in the world, who does not have one (one way, or another).  Why do you ask?

your  moshicah post before....  ;D
so u are? why dont u ask in the אגרות for me, i wonder