dov wrote on 10 Nov 2010 00:25:

Dov, to be honest, before reading this there was no shred of doubt in my mind that you voted that the 12 Steps is the only way. So I have a new-found respect for you for being so honest and truthful.
And that sounds easy but it is really very hard for me to have more respect for you than i already have, be'emes. i thought i would run out of 'respectingness'.

Everyone here is so amazing, its so impressive just reading what everyone has to say. Its like one big family.

psssh

Even though im very new here. I love you all!

Keep up this great work mamash amazing.

Im not good at the quoting but you wrote living with hashem is precious but it loses its panache. Life it too full of toos
could you explain this more.

Please pardon the hijacking here, yitzi.26! This is a response to FFTS, above:

I meant before recovery - before the relationship is just my simple and inescapable reality. Back then, I had many times of hisorerus, what people call 'd'veikus', I guess. Heartfelt, very deep, and real.

But it always lost its panache after a while. Once He 'took me back' already, being with Hashem was not so fun and meaningful. Daily chizzuk and external simcha tachbulos were hollow for me. They were just hiding, rather than dealing with my uncomfortable reality: The long slog through Olam haZeh is complicated, scary, guilt-ridden, and messy...and sometimes really boring. Where did my exciting G-d go?

I typically answered that with either religious extremism (unhealthy exaggeration of Torah ideals), OR by slowly getting back into ugly trouble with lust. Usually they came depressingly in tandem...but that's another schmeeze. Either way, the excitement was back! Yippee! I started off as 'James Bond'...but always seemed to end up as just a plain, ugly, rosho.

...quick! Time for teshuvah! And around it goes...

That's 'living with Hashem'?! It was more like living with a cosmic Sanitation Engineer. His main role is not to clean up my messes, but to be my G-d. ...hotzeisi eschem mei'eretz mitztrayim lihyos lochem leilokim!" To be my guide, my power, and my purpose, in good times or bad. Whether I am succeeding or failing - He is 'the only game in town', for me. That's a G-d!

Teshuvah from cheit cannot be what we focus on in our avodas Hashem. As wonderful, indispensable, and encouraged as Teshuvah may be, it is a heicha timtzei to being Hashem's yid. To living right. The Chovos haLevavos is clear on this. Teshuvah is turning the boat around - that's all. The actual avodah is living with Him and for Him (partly by living with and for His people).

Sorry I got off the topic. Where were we?

actually, your pretty on topic Dov, by all means keep going if you want ;D

my netbook is running out of ink.

ben yaakov wrote on 08 Oct 2010 02:21:

Well it sure hurts to look back at this one.  I thought it would be helpful to me to remember my first real efforts to quit, and review some of the advice I got.  Also to add continuity for myself..

New thread on 90 day forum My-Journey

Formerly, 
Mattis. 

thanks613 wrote on 18 Mar 2016 04:25:

  

Baruch Hashem, I'm still going

thanks613 wrote on 10 May 2016 03:07:

Yea sure, and i'm full of thanks. 613 times.