there was a girl at shul this shabbos whose dress was JUST below the knee.  first time she wore anything like that, and YOU BET I noticed.  I tried to blame her for her seductive attire, and think about what must have driven her to dress like that for the first time... RED FLAG!!! 

I'm thinking about making a pool.  $5 USD.  The date BB writes and says, "I am not going nuts over Sarah any more".  Winner takes half, half goes to GYE. 

Whadya think.

Oh, BB, btw, What makes you think God understands all languages?  Maybe try a different language.

Great idea. Whoever wins should please say kaddish for me and learn mishnayos on the yahrzeit.

I was planning on not going nuts over Sarah until I saw her today. Oy vay.
Seriously, we are now training these hot girls and that means sitting really close to share the same screen. Today, I chose Gila who at least wears tights but if I get Sarah tomorrow I am going to be in trouble. I will lust and experience hormonal upheaval. I will not act-out. I hope I keep my hands to myself - I wanted to grab Gila a few times today. Nothing like this ever happened in yeshiva. All part of going to work.

I PM'd you, BB.

Sorry, but I must now say that it is apparent to me that you are simply living in the problem. And if we are living in the problem, then we are obviously not living in the solution. You are fighting. You are not surrendering.

Go ahead, but this is not recovery, it is your old brand of "religion".

And your familiar old brand of "religion" is as good against your problem as it would be against cancer. It's bubkess.

I stay with what I posted - I have no way to know if you are powerless or not. But this wntire thing sounds like playing around with fire while others stand around and "oooh, ahhh!" at how valiant you are in the struggle.

I find it all rather childish and am checking out. If you "make it" (though I have no way to know how you define "making it"!), then I am truly happy for you. If you do not, then you and I will someday meet on our hands and knees crawling into a meeting. It's why I go to every meeting I go to - cuz I need it desperately, in order to remain free and full of the Good Life, today.

 

I just wanted to chime in and officially declare I have no advice for you.
Ok, maybe one. How about pretending she's your sister?
Ok, maybe another one. How about firmly implanting in your mind that she would never do anything with you, that she doesn't sexualize you at all, and that physical proximity doesn't create real closeness and that this girl forgets about you as soon as she steps out the door? 
If this doesn't help, I told you: I don't have advice for you.

Would it help to tell your wife that you are struggling at work?

Blind Beggar,

Can you tell me what type of job you have. In specific to what extent your interaction with these triggering women are?

Yossi

Dear Mechazek,

Your suggestion/question is well-meant. But if telling fake guys (the forum, where we have fake names and are only virtual people to each other) is not working for this yid, then why go from there to the wife?

Why not suggest to him that instead of dumping his guilt (in person) on his innocent wife - who will be totally unable to understand him anyway - he would do better to find men who struggle with this that he can speak to about it in person? Men who are in recovery and understand, and who are getting better.

Setting up one's wife as his shomer is unnatural, cruel, and childish. And besides, it cannot work in the long run and probably produces slow and total breakdown of the relationship. It is a complete twisting of "ishto matzilaso min ha-cheit".

So why go to her if there is a much better option?

Could it be shame masquerading as a 'cheshbon' (as usual)?

Discuss it with Captain Kirk.

I just Googled "simple machines forum Blind Beggar" and what do you think I got? I hope my co-workers are not nosey.
I can't tell you what she is wearing today. The novelty is wearing off. I need to guard my eyes and calm down. It helps to post, thanks guys.
My wife cannot help but I can and do call guys from the forum. 

Blind Beggar wrote on 22 Nov 2011 10:46:

just don't call them late for dinner

yosef hatzadik said to potifaars wife "i cant do that, as then i will sin against hashem"
that was enough for him to stop the hottest inviting trigger, alone a bochur in egypt, where the boss's wife wanted wim
and for us, it wont stop even the smallest trigger
so we need to heal the problem, rather then just fighting it

BB, I gotta hand it to him, Dov's hittin some homers. 

But where he and I differ, I think, (May G-d protect me from Dov's wrath) is that I see your posts and gallows humor and white knuckling as the thrashing around that seems to happen when we can't see something Hashem wants us to understand deeply (b'Orcha nireh Ohr).  Because we have a blind spot.  And as we all know, the blind spot is always about some gaayvah.  I don't think you're at the bechira point yet because you don't see the choice.  And until you can see it, for yourself, from within yourself, I don't think you can make the choice to ask for a return to sanity.

My experience, 100% of the time, is that when I start slipping around there's some gayvah I'm ignoring.  And I try to continue taking my personal inventory on a daily basis.  That ego, that King Baby, needs to take a hit. sometimes a bashing.  Because I can't be close to Him (what I ache for when I'm in my right mind), when I'm lost in my dreams. ("We don't know who discovered water, but it certainly wasn't a fish" John Culkin).

On the best of days, when I'm asleep at the wheel, I can feel Hashem tapping me on the shoulder to wake up--a B'chirah moment.  One question I offer you is:  Do you think you could pull your head out of the "girls at work" drama, and go have a Rebbe Nachman talk with Him?  I'm suggesting you ask Him to show you your blind spot, the gayvah that will humble you and break this spell, and return you to sanity.  For surely you'll agree that this work life is insane.  Yes?

I call you my friend, and I think you do the same.  We don't hide anymore behind nicknames, and things get real with us.  I want you to bottom out of this trance from "on top", not ch'v from the pit. 

I am in this with you for the long haul, and know you are there for me in the same way. 

Go have a talk.  Please.  It could save you from a bashing.  One moment with Him, as you so well know, can bring us to our knees in shame.  But when the bashing comes "from on top", we feel and know the brocho in the shame.  but when we bottom out, ch'v "from the bottom" the shame, as every one of us know, many many times over for most of us,  doesn't feel like a brocho at all (even though, intellectually we know that it's a brocho too, of course).

I'm not going anywhere.  Please go have a talk.  Do your friend a favor.

Love,
J

Dov, J,

You are both telling me the same thing, but Bill got there first:
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

So, now I know what to do.

I love you both.

I am noticing Sarah less, which is good. I fell into a major lust fantasy for a minute yesterday with a different girl. If it wasn't for GYE I would be toast and I need Hashem to give me some sanity. My next step is 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him but that is easier said than done.

Actually, it's not so hard.  Youjust have to be ready.  It's just one line to cross.  The gates open, they raise their heads and sing for you.  Shalom biet has a whole new meaning.  v'simachtim b'veyt t'filati...ki veyti, beyt t'philah.

You can do this!